iPads!! Too much??

[TayceOnToast]

My 5 year old stepson has had his own iPad since he was 3, possibly younger. He is on it every day, sometimes for several hours and it feels kind of outrageous to me. I feel like it’s way too much for a child this young, and that he should be spending much more time playing with real toys, developing fine motor skills and flexing his imagination.

I want to get a feel for what is “normal” in other people’s houses. Maybe I need to just chill out and get with the times since we’ll all probably be playing out our lives in a simulated universe soon anyway. I’m totally addicted to my phone so maybe it’s hypocritical of me to criticise his screen time.

So, my questions are:

Do you have a child aged 5 or under in your house?

Do they have their own iPad?

How much time are they allowed on it?

AIBU?!?!

Thanks

@Step1234 yes but do the rules go out the window because the precedent has already been set?! This is what worries me. If I were to have my own child I would have to fight double hard for what I believe in, and I know I wouldn’t always have the energy

That's an utterly pointless thing to worry about. First of all, you don't have a child so it's a moot point. But If you had a child in 9 months, your ss would be 10/11 by the time yours was 5 ie the same age your ss is now. So naturally a child approaching secondary school/puberty would have different rules to a 5 year old. You're really worrying about something that you have no power over. The most you can do is speak to the childs father about it.

I agree with those that are saying a lot of stuff on the iPad is educational and social It really isn't, people just say this to make themselves feel better!

I’ve got a 3 year old and have two older step children. DD hasn’t got a tablet, neither have DH and I, and she won’t be getting one. DSC didn’t have them till they were much older. There’s no need. It’s lazy parenting to leave them on a device for as much time as yours is, it’s bordering on neglect to disengage to such a degree they’re gawking at a screen uninterrupted for hours. Why’s your DP okay with it?

I know it’s always tricky but consider carefully whether you share enough values to parent a shared child harmoniously. DH and I don’t agree 100% on everything, who dose, but we’re very strongly on the same page on everything important. If I’d thought he was opting out of parenting his older DC I wouldn’t have risked having one with him.

Thanks @Step1234 I think I needed to hear that! You’re right, I am overthinking that aspect of it.

I agree with those that are saying a lot of stuff on the iPad is educational and social It really isn't, people just say this to make themselves feel better

Absolutely depends what you do with it. Just like it depends if you put a Disney film on for your child, or the Texas Chainsaw massacre 😃 if you download apps like reading eggs and math seeds and sit there and do them with your child for 30 mins= educational and social. If you download candy crush and leave them on their own for 4 hours = shitty parenting.

@OutingHobby thanks, that is encouraging

[quote Step1234]**@Step1234 yes but do the rules go out the window because the precedent has already been set?! This is what worries me. If I were to have my own child I would have to fight double hard for what I believe in, and I know I wouldn’t always have the energy

That's an utterly pointless thing to worry about. First of all, you don't have a child so it's a moot point. But If you had a child in 9 months, your ss would be 10/11 by the time yours was 5 ie the same age your ss is now. So naturally a child approaching secondary school/puberty would have different rules to a 5 year old. You're really worrying about something that you have no power over. The most you can do is speak to the childs father about it.[/quote]
I couldn’t disagree more. It’s about basic values and approaches. This little boy is being allowed to lose hours a day in a gadget by parents who don’t care. OP’s partner doesn’t care and thinks this is okay. She disagrees. It’s not about what her DSS will or won’t be doing by the time she might have a baby or a 5 year old, it’s about what sort of parent her partner is.

One of the few perks of being a childless step mum is getting to see what your partner/husband is like as a parent before taking the leap into shared babies. You don’t ignore things you strongly disagree with, that’s daft. You watch and listen and make a judgement about if this is a man you respect enough to be the father of your child.

No iPads but if my under 5 earns his stars on reward chart he earns time on the Xbox after dinner. This is usually daily

Honestly, I've been there, done that. You have to pick your battles. What's the real reason you're bothered by it? If as Anne says it's because you don't like the fact that your dp let's his son spend hours on the ipad, then that's different - maybe reflect on what other areas you disagree on and if you think you'll be compatible as parents together. I found it quite useful to have a dsc in that respect. But my dh listens if i have something to say. Does yours?

Mine got iPads when they were 5 and 7 and think they have the balance right so don't need to regulate it for them. They do loads of activities (organised), love seeing friends, sport, playing Lego, painting etc, but also enjoy a mix of both educational and purely leisure things on the iPad. They rarely moan when I ask them to put it down. My eldest also has spend a lot of time on the PC with all the locks downs and her IT skills are strong!

@Step1234 to be fair my partner does listen when I raise a concern and always does his best to rectify. I can see how he struggles being in the middle trying to keep all parties happy, and he really is an amazing, attentive and caring dad in all in all. He has quite a stressful job but never misses a beat when it comes to pickups/drop offs and keeping the boy clean and fed and homework done etc.
What is the real reason it bothers me? Good question. I guess I just feel like he’s a little spoilt. He has SO many toys. Demands new toys and gifts every week and gets them. And then hardly plays with them.
He’s on his iPad right now, has been for 2.5 hours and was on there an hour this morning.
To be fair he does sound like he’s having a really lovely time chatting to his friends and playing games. It just saddens me that it’s all he can ever think to do. We do other activities, take him out to the park/shops, play Lego etc. but as soon as the activity is over and he doesn’t have undivided attention he’s like “can I have my iPad” and the answer is rarely no. And the times it is a no are usually because I’ve said something in the past or am visibly trying to hold my tongue.
We have had a lengthy discussion about screen time before and my partner whole heartedly agreed that we should work towards less screen time. But a few weeks later we’ve slipped back into old habits and I’m starting to feel like I should just keep my mouth shut and deal with it.

I believe you that he is amazing and caring and attentive.

This made me laugh though: “He has quite a stressful job but never misses a beat when it comes to pickups/drop offs and keeping the boy clean and fed and homework done etc.”

That’s kind of a basic, whatever your job!

@Cocomarine lol yes that is all quite basic, just found it difficult to summarise why he’s a good dad to a group of strangers, but he is.