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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

iPads!! Too much??

113 replies

TayceOnToast · 09/04/2022 13:29

My 5 year old stepson has had his own iPad since he was 3, possibly younger. He is on it every day, sometimes for several hours and it feels kind of outrageous to me. I feel like it’s way too much for a child this young, and that he should be spending much more time playing with real toys, developing fine motor skills and flexing his imagination.

I want to get a feel for what is “normal” in other people’s houses. Maybe I need to just chill out and get with the times since we’ll all probably be playing out our lives in a simulated universe soon anyway. I’m totally addicted to my phone so maybe it’s hypocritical of me to criticise his screen time.

So, my questions are:

Do you have a child aged 5 or under in your house?

Do they have their own iPad?

How much time are they allowed on it?

AIBU?!?!

Thanks

OP posts:
Momicrone · 09/04/2022 17:29

It's worse than tv because of the interactive nature of it, it gives a dopamine hit, tv doesn't, stop kidding yourself

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/04/2022 17:30

@Momicrone

But surely it depends what you’re using it for? If you are using it to watch a children's film or tv show on Netflix then what is the difference?

mrsed1987 · 09/04/2022 17:32

My 3 yo has an Amazon tablet, I got it as we are going on holiday and will load some programmes on it for him. His has only used it very occasionally on holidays where we havent had kids TV. He doesn't ever mention it

Momijin · 09/04/2022 17:33

Surprise surprise it is a stepmum🙄. Mine didn't but they did watch tv which is similar. Get your judgy pants off and start playing with the kid. Kids enjoy playing with humans over a screen but parents can't play with them all the time. Some screen time is fine.

SagaNorenLansrimMalmo · 09/04/2022 17:35

The idea that kids will be “behind” their technology generation is an absolutely shite argument - the technology is very very easy to pick up.

I was listening to Radio 4 the other day, and they were talking about the increase of 4 years olds who are not school ready - with an increase in issues with speech and language development and difficulties reading facial expressions. As a result of covid - but specifically because they’ve been plonked in tablets. Anything that has the potential to damage your child’s potential in that way is best avoided IMO.

cookiemonster2468 · 09/04/2022 17:37

@carefullycourageous

I'm not convinced that using iPads lots will ruin your kids lives

I think if 'won't ruin their lives' is the best that can be said it is probably worth doing something else. Most other activities genuinely will improve their lives one way or another, whether through movement, imagination, education, fun etc.

Downtime is important too and iPads are a part of that these days.

I think they're OK but I would limit the time, for a 5 year old no more than half an hour a day unless it's something educational or interactive that they are doing with a parent.

Newuser82 · 09/04/2022 17:46

I have a nine year old and a three year old. Neither have an I pad. We don't have one either 🙈. My oldest has a kindle fire which he uses to listen to audible. We do however borrow a family members I pad when we go away for the kids to watch a film so we may think about getting one for that reason.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2022 17:49

@Momijin

Surprise surprise it is a stepmum🙄. Mine didn't but they did watch tv which is similar. Get your judgy pants off and start playing with the kid. Kids enjoy playing with humans over a screen but parents can't play with them all the time. Some screen time is fine.
Tv and tablets aren’t the same- phone and tablet screens are far more addictive. Also tv is social, everyone in the room can watch and talk about it- a screen is a way to zombie a kid into silence.
Giraffesandbottoms · 09/04/2022 18:05

Also tv is social, everyone in the room can watch and talk about it- a screen is a way to zombie a kid into silence

Some of these comments are surprisingly ignorant. Have people never used an iPad?

We use ours for:

  1. the children watching a show. Aka EXACTLY like the TV. Because they are different ages so want different shows on, one gets the tv and one gets the iPad. But it’s the same use as the TV.
  2. me doing my son’s maths app. WITH him. Very interactive, very social indeed. And sometimes he did it alone whilst I was cooking because he was able to do all the times tables etc age 2 and it’s a good way of keeping him busy and learning since before he was able to write. Now he can write age 3 so he’s able to do numbers himself with pen and paper.

It’s just balance. Surely if your child has spent 3 hours running around outside, done reading, done painting and colouring and chatting and playing…some screentime is fine?! A bit like how if your child eats lots of meat, vegetables and fruit they can have a bit of ice cream.

It’s scary how black and white posters are on here and I think blanket bans lead to bigger problems in the future

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2022 18:38

@Giraffesandbottoms

Also tv is social, everyone in the room can watch and talk about it- a screen is a way to zombie a kid into silence

Some of these comments are surprisingly ignorant. Have people never used an iPad?

We use ours for:

  1. the children watching a show. Aka EXACTLY like the TV. Because they are different ages so want different shows on, one gets the tv and one gets the iPad. But it’s the same use as the TV.
  2. me doing my son’s maths app. WITH him. Very interactive, very social indeed. And sometimes he did it alone whilst I was cooking because he was able to do all the times tables etc age 2 and it’s a good way of keeping him busy and learning since before he was able to write. Now he can write age 3 so he’s able to do numbers himself with pen and paper.

It’s just balance. Surely if your child has spent 3 hours running around outside, done reading, done painting and colouring and chatting and playing…some screentime is fine?! A bit like how if your child eats lots of meat, vegetables and fruit they can have a bit of ice cream.

It’s scary how black and white posters are on here and I think blanket bans lead to bigger problems in the future

I’m not anti tablet - I said my eldest has one, but I do think daily use, particularly on school days is overkill at 5- I also think every child having to watch exactly what they want rather than learning to compromise creates spoilt children.
Chely · 09/04/2022 18:41

All 3+ have had them but parental controls restrict their hours of use.

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/04/2022 18:41

I also think every child having to watch exactly what they want rather than learning to compromise creates spoilt children

I don’t disagree with this at all - it’s important to take turns etc but sometimes with the age gap and interests it’s just easier 😃

Whatalovelydaffodil · 09/04/2022 19:24

@Giraffesandbottoms

I have a 4.5-yo, and she keeps herself amply busy with colouring, Lego, dolls, and running around outside. I can’t think of when or why she would need a tablet

Some children don’t do this. My boys won’t just sit happily and colour etc - if I want to cook them fresh food (and I do), then they need an iPad or the tv whilst I’m cooking, otherwise they tear around the house and out of my eyesight and get up to mischief. Plus the iPad has a lot of educational apps that preschool have given us to help with maths and reading etc.

No, they don't need a screen to behave when you are cooking, but it makes it easier!
Whatalovelydaffodil · 09/04/2022 19:30

@latriciamcneal

I agree that's outrageous. These devices and their apps are designed to addict people with dopamine hits. My daughter is 6 and has very little screen time overall, always has. Just doesn't feel right having her sat in front of a screen for long periods.

her biggest consumption of screens is a movie at bed time when she will be laid down staring at it. Other than that the TV can be on (Netflix or youtube) in the background while she plays and she hardly looks at it but still enjoys her favourite shows being on.

You can't get upset by what others do though. Parenting advice is rarely welcome. I'm past caring about other people's kids now to the point where it upsets me their parents make obviously bad or neglectful choices.

I don't think that watching a film at bedtime and having Netflix or youtube on while you are playing is " very little screen time!"
VestaTilley · 09/04/2022 19:45

My DS is three.

My DH has an iPad that he uses for work. DS has never, ever been on it, or our phones.

If we’re in the car, at church, out and about or on a train we take books, toys, or sing to him etc. Now he’s older obviously not so much in the buggy, he goes on his scooter or balance bike. We talk to him basically constantly.

We’re not saints - he watches plenty of children’s TV, but with us, rarely on his own. I will stave off phones and tablets for as long as humanly possible.

MrsBudd · 09/04/2022 19:58

Do you have a child aged 5 or under in your house? Yes - DS is 5 in August and DD is 1.

Do they have their own iPad? No.

How much time are they allowed on it? N/A

We have a tablet but they don't use it.

WalkerWalking · 09/04/2022 20:01

3yo and 5yo. One hour after school on week days. One hour in the morning, and probably two hours in the afternoon on weekends. Which actually is a huge percentage of their waking hours now I see it written down!

WalkerWalking · 09/04/2022 20:02

Sorry, my response was all screen time so including TV.

MarshaBradyo · 09/04/2022 20:03

4 year old - no iPad

We actually did have one but just the other day chatted about the fact no one uses it and hasn’t for years

AntarcticTern · 09/04/2022 20:06

My DC got their own phones at 10/11yo but have never had their own tablet. Before they got phones they had to share the family iPad. My youngest is 12yo so I'm not talking about years ago.

Weewillywinkle · 09/04/2022 20:14

I'm quite antitablet. I work with children and it makes me feel sad to see some who have very little play and gravitate towards tablets/ phones over toys. I'm talking toddlers up. As adults we cannot regulate screen time well - why do we expect children to be able to?

My 7yo and 4yo had way too much screen time during lockdowns - from school work on a laptop ( all the reading books were online too) to watching tv. They do not have access to a tablet and I don't plan on getting them one.

Original poster
TayceOnToast · 09/04/2022 20:41

@Step1234 yes but do the rules go out the window because the precedent has already been set?! This is what worries me. If I were to have my own child I would have to fight double hard for what I believe in, and I know I wouldn’t always have the energy.

OP posts:
gertrudemortimer · 09/04/2022 20:42

5yo nearly 6 I got him an Amazon fire tablet thing at Christmas as I don't have or want a laptop/computer but he's expected to use school app's to do homework, there is no choice about technology if you have a child in school and I'd rather buy a child proof tablet than get a laptop or make him try and do his school work on my mobile. He does still enjoy playing with toys and getting lost in his own imaginary games and I do think I'm lucky he isn't obsessive with it. He didn't go on it at all for a few days last week I think he'd forgotten about it.

I'm glad I bought it and I use it too for Netflix, Amazon prime, shopping and kindle. It's got locks on it and the option to personalise timers for games, videos and apps. Videos and games is 1 hour per day, reading books on it is unlimited between 8am-8pm. When it goes off he accepts it and does something else, he thinks it's out of my control Halo

Growing up in the 90's everyone was watching screens I had friends that had tv's downstairs, in the kitchen and in their bedroom so that helps me put it in to perspective about playing a game. We'd have game boys, PSP's, tamagotchis or whatever they were called, polly pocket! I used to spend hours on the play station one, some of my favourite memories with my dad are of us playing crash bandicoot & Rayman together I must have been about 7. Some people watch tv every single evening from 5pm until they go to bed. I think games and interactive screen time with other family members is a lot better than what I know most other families did every evening when I was growing up.

Original poster
TayceOnToast · 09/04/2022 20:45

I agree with those that are saying a lot of stuff on the iPad is educational and social

I guess my main concern is Roblox and Kids YouTube

When SS was younger he was often playing colouring games or maths games etc but these days it seems to be exclusively Roblox or watching videos of famous gamers playing Roblox

Anyone else’s 5 year olds on Roblox this much?

Also has anyone heard of CookieSwirlC / play cookie play? I find her super creepy

OP posts:
OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 20:49

[quote TayceOnToast]@Step1234 yes but do the rules go out the window because the precedent has already been set?! This is what worries me. If I were to have my own child I would have to fight double hard for what I believe in, and I know I wouldn’t always have the energy.[/quote]
It's easier. The drive to protect your own child is strong. It's something to discuss before you have your child. And just keep saying no.