Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

iPads!! Too much??

113 replies

TayceOnToast · 09/04/2022 13:29

My 5 year old stepson has had his own iPad since he was 3, possibly younger. He is on it every day, sometimes for several hours and it feels kind of outrageous to me. I feel like it’s way too much for a child this young, and that he should be spending much more time playing with real toys, developing fine motor skills and flexing his imagination.

I want to get a feel for what is “normal” in other people’s houses. Maybe I need to just chill out and get with the times since we’ll all probably be playing out our lives in a simulated universe soon anyway. I’m totally addicted to my phone so maybe it’s hypocritical of me to criticise his screen time.

So, my questions are:

Do you have a child aged 5 or under in your house?

Do they have their own iPad?

How much time are they allowed on it?

AIBU?!?!

Thanks

OP posts:
dworky · 09/04/2022 15:14

@HeDidWhattt

Yes I have a 6 year old who has an iPad. During winter they can go on it as much as they like providing homework is done and the bedroom is tidy. I’m spring and summer it’s limited to any time after 7pm.

Tech is the way we are moving towards so don’t feel it a disadvantage that they know their way around devices from a young age.

There's a big difference between knowing their way around technology and using it to the detriment of personal developement.
Original poster
TayceOnToast · 09/04/2022 15:23

Thanks for your input everyone

I guess it’s just personal choice in the end, and rightly or wrongly I think if it were down to me I’d enforce much stricter rules around it (and other things!)

But hey ho, that’s the life of a step mum isn’t it. Always trying to catch that balance between caring whole-heartedly about your SC, like they’re your own, then having to quickly switch to not caring at all, because some things just aren’t your business.

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 09/04/2022 15:23

Ridiculous.
All I had until I was 10 was an 'oop and a stick. Oh, and five 'snobs'.
Smile

Whatalovelydaffodil · 09/04/2022 15:29

@HeDidWhattt

Yes I have a 6 year old who has an iPad. During winter they can go on it as much as they like providing homework is done and the bedroom is tidy. I’m spring and summer it’s limited to any time after 7pm.

Tech is the way we are moving towards so don’t feel it a disadvantage that they know their way around devices from a young age.

That's a strange excuse. Do you think people will soon spend all their time screen devices? No child needs to spend hours on ipads ,or similar, every day in order to ,"know their way round devices". They aren't that complicated,,!
MajesticElephant · 09/04/2022 15:29

My 5 year old has a very old iPad that was mine (but was only going to get £40ish for it second hand). He is strictly allowed to use it 30 mins on a sat and sun on a CBeebies or similar app. Plus 2 15 min sessions on weekdays on a school provided maths app (homework).

MajesticElephant · 09/04/2022 15:30

I should probably add we experimented with longer but found it impacted his behaviour too negatively.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/04/2022 15:30

What’s he doing on the iPad? Lots of games and apps for that age have an educational element and encourage creativity, problem solving or teach skills related to coding, engineering, literacy and numeracy etc. I think what he’s doing would influence whether I felt a few hours a day was or wasn’t appropriate.

Whatalovelydaffodil · 09/04/2022 15:31

@FloodTheBathroom

My DC is 4 and uses my iPad for watching YouTube. I absolutely hate YouTube but it's ended up being the best way for everyone to be happy. He does get a bit addicted to it so I just leave th battery flat for a few days. He's watched a bit today and is keenly crafting now not thinking about it. I do agree it's modern life but that children should be encouraged towards a range of activities as well.
It's only "modern life" because we want it to be. We have a choice.
sanityisamyth · 09/04/2022 15:32

DS8 has had an iPad for years. It's my old one before I upgraded it. It's massively locked down and controlled but he uses it for reading apps, and school apps, as well as a bit of games/tv. He's never on it for long.

Whatalovelydaffodil · 09/04/2022 15:33

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Ridiculous. All I had until I was 10 was an 'oop and a stick. Oh, and five 'snobs'. Smile
Well there you go! And you are obviously able to use "tech" anyway!
Drivingbuttercup · 09/04/2022 15:33

Mine are 10 and 8. I relented to buying an tablet as they needed it for their online learning. It is classed as the family tablet. They get two hours of game time every weekend, one uses my phone and the other uses the ipad. they are allowed to choose when and how to use their two hours but must use it within the weekend and after homework is done and bedrooms are tidy. Some weekends they forget and i remind them just to get a bit of peace.

sanityisamyth · 09/04/2022 15:35

@Mariposista Children aren't on screen all day at school and they need to use them to develop skills in technology as the world is going more and more that way. If you ban them from using it until they're 12 they will be massively behind. My mother frequently admits that my DS8 is better with her tablet than she is (which is android and he only uses an iPad at home) and teaches her how to use it!!

CatDogMonkeyPOW · 09/04/2022 15:36

I think it is about getting the right balance for your child and family set up.

Both of mine have their own iPads.

DS9 has to be limited because if he had the choice he would be on it 24/7. He's not allowed it before school. He can have it after school once homework is done, but not after our evening meal. At weekends we are pretty lax but most weekends we are out during the day and he has a club. He does Cubs, Karate, and a couple of after school clubs. He has regular play dates and is an avid reader, spending one to two hours each evening in a book. Left to his own devices though, I've no doubt that much of that time would be spent glued to the screen if he could.

I don't want to restrict him further because it's a pretty important part of his social circle. All his friends talk about their gaming. He is very tech minded anyway and has learnt to code etc so I do think there are some positives gained from his screen time.

DD6 is not that interested. She will maybe play for half an hour a day if that. She would rather be drawing or playing with her toys. We bought hers during lockdown as all their lessons were online and it's never been an issue.

So there you have two children with very different approaches needed with regards to their tech use. So I disagree with the idea that a blanket ban is necessary, or letting them have free access whenever they like. I think you need to consider the individual child and find what works best.

carefullycourageous · 09/04/2022 15:38

@Imsittinginthekitchensink

I'm quite hardcore in terms of tech and refused to give mine any such thing until she was at secondary school. Kids are in front of screens all bloody day in school, she didn't need it at home too.
Yes I agree and none of mine have had their own screens until in later secondary for this reason. They were not even arsed tbh, we had coding stuff and laptops but they were shared.

My honest view is an ipad of their own in primary is a negative and will be hampering their educational and social development not due to anything inherently damaging about screen time but because screen time prevents them doing other more beneficial things.

carefullycourageous · 09/04/2022 15:39

@sanityisamyth

*@Mariposista* Children aren't on screen all day at school and they need to use them to develop skills in technology as the world is going more and more that way. If you ban them from using it until they're 12 they will be massively behind. My mother frequently admits that my DS8 is better with her tablet than she is (which is android and he only uses an iPad at home) and teaches her how to use it!!
I'm sorry but this is bollocks. Mine have learnt coding properly, which I agree they need and is inadequately taught in schools, but it really is not a complex business learning to swipe an ipad.
Afolnerd · 09/04/2022 15:40

Mine are 8 and 6, they don’t have their own iPads but do have access to ours. Kids are allowed 1 hour every other day. Normally as down time after school. They watch a bit of tv the other days. Dd15 is allowed hers whenever pretty much but she has to have 2 hour long breaks during the day. But it’s up to her when she takes them.

Widmerpool · 09/04/2022 15:41

I have a nearly-4 year old DD.
She has some games installed on my iPad, but no tablet of her own.
She uses this for probably an average of an hour a week. Most days none at all, Sat and Sun maybe half an hour a day, but she doesn’t seem to mind if not.
In the car we sing and talk, no iPad. At restaurants we play i-spy or do colouring, etc, no iPad.
(She also usually has limited access to television: 10-15 mins a day.)

To note also that I am careful about the kind of games that she accesses on my iPad: they don’t have to be overtly ‘educational’ but we do avoid competitive/addictive ones with loads of levels to complete, as these have been shown to have detrimental effects: they can create stress which can lead to aggressive behaviour.

BlossomRussosHatCollection · 09/04/2022 15:42

My kids are 5 and 2. They have a crappy old iPad they share. They have a maximum of 30 minutes a day - usually before school/nursery and if they dick about getting ready they have less time to play it! I get the impression we're a lower usage household.

I'd actually like to get them their own, but would still limit them to an hour or so a day - and probably not till the youngest is a bit older.

FWIW, the iPad basically taught DD1 to read!

Bimblybomeyelash · 09/04/2022 15:43

My 8 and 5 year olds go on their iPads 2 or 3 times a week for an hour/hour and a half. I truth I feel that is probably too much but I’m too weak! I did experiment with daily use, but only for half an hour, but I wasn’t disciplined enough to remember to kick them off. I feel that too much ipad time does have a detrimental effect on their behaviour.

OfstedOffred · 09/04/2022 15:44

My eldest is 5. He does not have his own iPad and wont be getting one until at least secondary school.

Occasionally I let him use my tablet to play educational games (maybe half an hour once a week) or watch a tv program in the car.

JennyPourQuoi · 09/04/2022 15:47

It's not unreasonable to set boundaries. I'm not convinced that using iPads lots will ruin your kids lives, but you should expose them to a variety of stimulus.

carefullycourageous · 09/04/2022 15:52

I'm not convinced that using iPads lots will ruin your kids lives

I think if 'won't ruin their lives' is the best that can be said it is probably worth doing something else. Most other activities genuinely will improve their lives one way or another, whether through movement, imagination, education, fun etc.

PrincessesRUs · 09/04/2022 15:57

My daughter is 4 - she uses mine and is allowed approx 20 mins a day which she tends to have after dinner and before the bath. I really try to limit it and think 20 mins at her age is probably too much. The exception would be like this morning as she's been unwell she watch a whole film as we don't have a tv in the bedroom but that's a real one off. I agree about wanting to encourage crafts, toys, board games etc

Cakesnbiscuit · 09/04/2022 16:03

5 and 2 year old.

We have a family ipad that we use for education games and YouTube. Definitely not used daily and they are limited to a certain time.

It’s been a life saver when we all got a stomach bug and the kids bounced back while both parents where being sick. They had it unlimited then.

I don’t have an issue with iPads if used in moderation. I would be more worried that my kid might grow up not knowing how to use technology or be bullied for not knowing what an iPad is.

Herecomesthesun2022 · 09/04/2022 16:04

Neither my 4 year old nor my 7 year old have an iPad. The 7 year old is allowed on ours for about half an hour on the odd day to play games