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AIBU?

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Original poster

iPads!! Too much??

113 replies

TayceOnToast · 09/04/2022 13:29

My 5 year old stepson has had his own iPad since he was 3, possibly younger. He is on it every day, sometimes for several hours and it feels kind of outrageous to me. I feel like it’s way too much for a child this young, and that he should be spending much more time playing with real toys, developing fine motor skills and flexing his imagination.

I want to get a feel for what is “normal” in other people’s houses. Maybe I need to just chill out and get with the times since we’ll all probably be playing out our lives in a simulated universe soon anyway. I’m totally addicted to my phone so maybe it’s hypocritical of me to criticise his screen time.

So, my questions are:

Do you have a child aged 5 or under in your house?

Do they have their own iPad?

How much time are they allowed on it?

AIBU?!?!

Thanks

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 09/04/2022 16:06

No none of my three children still at home 5,6 and 14 have iPads or phones. We don't do screens.
They are all welcome to use mine if they want but they very rarely do.

Cocomarine · 09/04/2022 16:11

It’s possible to have a conversation with your partner about this, that isn’t criticism.

Sprogonthetyne · 09/04/2022 16:13

Ipads are way out of our budget for a young child, but mine have had tables since 2/3. They go through phases of playing everyday but also phases where they don't touch them for weeks. It's handy to have them for long journeys or waiting rooms etc, and for them to know enough to play independently.

One benefit of cheap tables is the battery life is terrible, so after an hour or so "oh dear it's out of battery, let's plug it in for tomorrow". They have not yet realised that you can play while it's plugged in, or that it doesn't take overnight to change.

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/04/2022 16:16

I have a 4.5-yo, and she keeps herself amply busy with colouring, Lego, dolls, and running around outside. I can’t think of when or why she would need a tablet

Some children don’t do this. My boys won’t just sit happily and colour etc - if I want to cook them fresh food (and I do), then they need an iPad or the tv whilst I’m cooking, otherwise they tear around the house and out of my eyesight and get up to mischief. Plus the iPad has a lot of educational apps that preschool have given us to help with maths and reading etc.

Idonea · 09/04/2022 16:16

No. That's scummy parenting.

BertieQueen · 09/04/2022 16:17

@Mama1980

No none of my three children still at home 5,6 and 14 have iPads or phones. We don't do screens. They are all welcome to use mine if they want but they very rarely do.
Interesting that a 14 year old doesn’t even have a phone? How do they talk to their friends? Do they not go out without you?

Not criticising at all just wondering. I have a 12 year old and he uses his phone to message friends, make arrangements etc and I can also contact him on it when needed.

Idonea · 09/04/2022 16:19

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ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 09/04/2022 16:21

My 3 and 5 year olds were given kindle fires this Christmas by my MIL and they are allowed to use them for half an hour a day between 9am and 6pm. They don't use them every day, more like twice a week, unless we are going on a long train journey in which case I let them use it for a bit longer. They have really strict settings so can't access the Internet or any age inappropriate content, and I'm able to monitor everything they are doing from my phone and shut them off remotely whenever I want. The vast majority of the games they use are things like colouring apps, or phonics and maths games. We also sometimes use them for ebooks or books on audible. I was very sceptical about them at first but actually I think they're pretty good and the kids definitely still spend the majority of their time doing hands on playing, lots of time outside etc.

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/04/2022 16:23

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Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post.

RandomNumb3rs · 09/04/2022 16:35

Mine had iPads from age 4/5

They completely self regulated. Basic ground rules about not using them between 1900-0700 and advice about balance and making good, well rounded choices. They each averaged between 30-90 minutes per day (confirmed when the “screentime” function appeared).

They are now 14&15 and don’t seem to have suffered adverse effects. Both A students. One is currently sat next to me reading Descartes essays (yes, really) and the other is programming a game in Unreal Engine, but he did just finish 2 hours of judo.

latriciamcneal · 09/04/2022 16:36

I agree that's outrageous. These devices and their apps are designed to addict people with dopamine hits. My daughter is 6 and has very little screen time overall, always has. Just doesn't feel right having her sat in front of a screen for long periods.

her biggest consumption of screens is a movie at bed time when she will be laid down staring at it. Other than that the TV can be on (Netflix or youtube) in the background while she plays and she hardly looks at it but still enjoys her favourite shows being on.

You can't get upset by what others do though. Parenting advice is rarely welcome. I'm past caring about other people's kids now to the point where it upsets me their parents make obviously bad or neglectful choices.

Mama1980 · 09/04/2022 16:37

BertieQueen if he wants to speak to them or make arrangements he calls - using the landline or my phone.
He goes out all the time, but just as I didn't when I was young he doesn't need to message etc, he has a time to be home, and he shows up then. He's actually out now at running club with his friends. And met a friend to play chess earlier. In an emergency he can use their phones but only a couple of times has he had to - when a friend of his was taken unwell and they were out in town and once when the bus didn't show up.
If he asked for one I'd allow it - I have offered him an iPad and a phone - but he said no - but then he has never had a tablet or phone so doesn't really see the need for one himself.
My younger ones just never use a screen.

MacaroniCheeseCat · 09/04/2022 16:40

Mine are 6 and 2. They don’t have their own tablets. The 2 year old is already screen-obsessed! They are allowed to watch things on an iPad and old Kindle at bathtime when it’s just one of us on duty, and the toddler sometimes gets the iPad first thing when I’m desperate for another half hour in bed before getting up. But they don’t have their own devices - I think they’re too young and it will become another thing to argue about and regulate.

I agree with other comments about YouTube - we are pretty liberal on screen time in terms of TV but YouTube is banned on all devices in our house as my eldest’s behaviour was appalling after it, with huge rows about coming off it. Something to do with the instant gratification factor, perhaps.

ladygindiva · 09/04/2022 16:43

I have 5 yo twins and they have fire kids tabs (can't afford ipads)
They are allowed on for roughly an hour before tea and treated to more at weekend but only in shortish bursts. Yanbu.

IsraelAndRoo · 09/04/2022 16:47

We were just discussing this the other day - our friends have a 5 and 3 year old, recently been on a few family holidays due to relocation - fabulous places.

Every single photo of them at the beach, by the pool, eating meals both kids are staring into their (own) ipads.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 09/04/2022 16:53

My 5 year old has an iPad, I'd say his classmates all have some kind of tablet device. During lockdown there were endless Zoom calls and now he gets spellings and maths homework on apps. I do get him to write out his spellings too but school expects a level of online work that they can track.
He doesn't have YouTube or any tv on it but does have access to stories and a few heavily vetted games. It's a useful tool but I wouldn't want it to replace books, games and toys.

Straycats · 09/04/2022 16:56

I work with preschoolers and have for thirty years, now I know why kids at 3-4 years of age can't grasp the use of scissors! Thirty years ago they easily absorbed instructions and were cutting easily in one session.
Leaving a child glued to a screen am sorry to say is lazy parenting.

Indoctro · 09/04/2022 17:10

iPad, tablet, TV, games console

They are all screens and no difference to kids brains and development

So no point singling one out, if you allow your kid to watch TV it's no difference to any other screen

All should be monitored and all play a big part in life.

No child should sit all day watching TV / gaming etc

But on the other hand never allowing your kid to do these things will hinder them in life.

Schools are moving towards iPad technology in lessons so kids need to know how to use them.

Whinge · 09/04/2022 17:15

Schools are moving towards iPad technology in lessons so kids need to know how to use them.

Tablets are designed to be user friendly and easy to use. Even babies and young children quickly learn how to swipe and press buttons. I'd be very surprised if a school aged child wasn't able to use one, even if they'd never been given a tablet before starting school, it wouldn't take a child long to work out how to use it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2022 17:15

My near 5yr old has an Amazon fire tablet and goes on it prob once a wk for less than an hr- we watch tv and she does her homework on my computer - but I wouldn’t let her sit on a tablet endlessly at such a young age.

PinkSyCo · 09/04/2022 17:17

But hey ho, that’s the life of a step mum isn’t it. Always trying to catch that balance between caring whole-heartedly about your SC, like they’re your own, then having to quickly switch to not caring at all, because some things just aren’t your business.

It is your partner’s business though. Does he not care that his DS is sitting on his iPad for hours?

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/04/2022 17:18

So no point singling one out, if you allow your kid to watch TV it's no difference to any other screen

This. And of course these things need
To be moderated.

MsChatterbox · 09/04/2022 17:19

4 year old. No iPad! He played with our pad for a while but we quickly saw the addiction so swiftly removed it last year and haven't looked back!

Step1234 · 09/04/2022 17:26

I had all sorts of ideas about how my dsc should be raised too. Then i had my own children and realised quickly that these ideas about "well I wouldn't do that if he was mine" go out the window. Plus plenty of apps are educational and not letting your child touch an ipad until they're in secondary school makes you sounds like a luddite who is happy to put your child at a disadvantage in a tech driven world.

As you've already identified the amount of screen time your dss gets isn't really your problem. So just let it go.

whowhatwhen · 09/04/2022 17:26

I have a 3.5 year old DS and absolutely not. I also think that 5 is way too young to have unlimited access. We let DS on ours for 10 mins at a time, maximum. He gets to watch it on long car journeys, but even then only 30 mins at a time.