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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say to dsis...they are not average? Or are they!?

132 replies

jazzyjeffs · 09/04/2022 12:53

Name change for this...

Dsis always claims that they are an "average" family...she says it so breezily. Like for example...the whole Rishi Sunsk fiasco at the moment. She'll say things like, all well and good for him but we couldn't do that as an average family!! But...they are NOT average! They have no mortgage,(her dh played the whole property ladder thing very well from a young age!) they have no loans or debts, they don't pay for childcare as they work around each other etc. they make A LOT work.

Now on the outside, yes, they are average as in they have two working parents, 3 bed detached, two working cars (not brand new obviously!) but they're not AVERAGE? Are they??...

OP posts:
LegMeChicken · 09/04/2022 15:55

[quote carefullycourageous]@bellac11 It is lucky not to have anything throw a spanner in the works. I personally do not really believe in hard work being the distinguishing thing between those who have no ill health, disability, redundancy, unexpected issues and those who do.

I am very lucky and I count my blessings every day. I do not work harder than my colleagues who have e.g. had a bad car crash and ended up having a year off work.

If you have experienced rising house prices and uninterrupted work, you are lucky. If you can get jobs that tie in with each other (as me and my DH have) you are lucky. So many people have to juggle.[/quote]
'Lucky' implies something above normal. It's really not 'normal' to have a major issues. it's a large number of people, because of the UK population, but not a large proportion. if you go down that route ... everyone in the UK even if dirt poor are lucky to b here, rather than another country with no benefits! Yes, benefits are abysmal and not enough.. but better than nothing... etc etc.

I really don't see the relevance of this race to the bottom when discussing other people's personal circumstances. IME it's always use to either justify that the poor are lazy, or to sneeringly knock down people's achievements. Rarely used in a sensible context and degenerates into a bun fight

wishingitwasfriday · 09/04/2022 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RussianSpy101 · 09/04/2022 15:59

Sounds perfectly average

carefullycourageous · 09/04/2022 16:04

I'm not using it to knock anyone down, I just think that being mortgage free and having no childcare costs is at the lucky end of normal. They do not sound super rich, but they seem to have fewer money pressures than most.

And it is not true that only a small number are affected by bad luck, IMO. Millions were affected by the most recent mortgage contraction, I felt very lucky this did not affect me unduly.

SparklyLeprechaun · 09/04/2022 16:08

Of course they are average.

Idonea · 09/04/2022 16:16

No debts, don't pay for childcare as my DH and I balance WFh with caring. Mortgage. Car. So yeah they sound pretty average. Having debts shouldn't be normalised.

LegMeChicken · 09/04/2022 16:36

@carefullycourageous

I'm not using it to knock anyone down, I just think that being mortgage free and having no childcare costs is at the lucky end of normal. They do not sound super rich, but they seem to have fewer money pressures than most.

And it is not true that only a small number are affected by bad luck, IMO. Millions were affected by the most recent mortgage contraction, I felt very lucky this did not affect me unduly.

I said a small proportion, which is still a large number. I was also referring to things like ill health. 'Most' people are healthy. Unprecedented catastrophe on a global scale is another thing.

I agree that they're fortunate, and you're just pointing that out. But the OP's derisive attitude got my back up, because I encounter it lots IRL. Ironically it's not from 'less fortunate' people. But those who could have made my choices.

Original poster
jazzyjeffs · 09/04/2022 16:37

@MySecretHistory it's a very large 3 bed, master with walk in wardrobe and big ensuite, open plan kitchen dining and sitting with lovely big windows, a study and a separate living room...and a utility/mud room. There's nothing small about it!

OP posts:
NeedleNoodle3 · 09/04/2022 16:45

OP I imagine she said it as if she’s an average/not highly unusual family.

saraclara · 09/04/2022 16:47

It seems as though a lot of people in this thread don't understand what average means. You can't be 'average compared to...' for a start.

I hope that the sister meant typical.

RussianSpy101 · 09/04/2022 16:54

@Idonea agree with you there. The credit culture is frightening. We don’t have cars on finance, bank loans etc and it’s scary how quick people are to suggest debt as an easy solution.
There was a thread the other week about someone’s outgoings and she was paying monthly for a bloody sofa! Someone else at the moment wants to get a credit card for a floor.

HardyBuckette · 09/04/2022 17:05

[quote jazzyjeffs]@MySecretHistory it's a very large 3 bed, master with walk in wardrobe and big ensuite, open plan kitchen dining and sitting with lovely big windows, a study and a separate living room...and a utility/mud room. There's nothing small about it! [/quote]
The fact that you address this point, the one that makes the house sound more desirable, but don't mention things more pertinent to the value of the house like region makes me think I probably wasn't far off on my modest mortgage in a cheaper than average area guess.

nervydote · 09/04/2022 17:07

Sound average- a 3 bed is small- if they lived in a larger house they would have a mortgage
Surely location is relevant!

DogsAndGin · 09/04/2022 17:11

They are average

Lilac57 · 09/04/2022 17:18

Compared to the likes of Sunak they're most definitely average. They may be better off than lots, but I'd still put them in the average category.

Original poster
jazzyjeffs · 09/04/2022 17:20

@HardyBuckette coastal south to south west...

OP posts:
HardyBuckette · 09/04/2022 17:29

[quote jazzyjeffs]@HardyBuckette coastal south to south west...[/quote]
So that leaves quite a lot of scope for a modest mortgage in a cheaper than average area if they bought in the 00s as I wondered, no? I think you'd have told us by now if it were a really valuable property in a very expensive town.

Cherryblossoms85 · 09/04/2022 17:46

I think anyone whose wealth depends substantially on earned income is average. I guess with property assets they're rather above average, but it's hardly £500 million is it. If they both lost their jobs and couldn't find new ones, they'd quickly be poor.

Gardeningcreature · 09/04/2022 17:49

I think it's very difficult to describe yourself as anything other than 'average.'
Most people don't describe themselves as extraordinary do they.
Oh I'm way above average, I'm no ordinary mortal makes you sound like a nob.
I agree that they may not be struggling as much as others. However a heterosexual couple, living together in a 3 bedroomed house with 2/3 kids is ordinary.
Just smile at her when she says it.

BluntWithAC · 09/04/2022 17:58

bella" no the OP didn't say what their age was but the fact childcare is mentioned leads me to believe hey have young children as teens don't really need childcare. So I would put them anywhere between 20s and 40s, still not the average age to own your home outright. Inheritance and cheap properties are a factor but I only know one person in my circle who is mortgage free through saving hard and overpaying mortgage.

Kite22 · 09/04/2022 18:09

Sound average- a 3 bed is small- if they lived in a larger house they would have a mortgage

and that, a 3 bed is small in itself is a statement that reflects your 'circle'. or your experiences of life.
A 3 bed house really, really really isn't considered "small" by the overwhelming majority of the population.

AnnaSW1 · 09/04/2022 18:10

It sounds average to what's around me. It's a matter of perspective

KindergartenKop · 09/04/2022 18:24

She's trying to side with you against rich people. She understands you think she's loaded but she's trying to say she's not that wealthy really. Us vs them.

She obviously has no appreciation of how well off she is.

Jk987 · 09/04/2022 20:43

Owning a house with no mortgage is not average assuming they're under 40.

Original poster
jazzyjeffs · 09/04/2022 20:50

@Jk987 yes they are both 32

OP posts:
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