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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask will she grow out of this?

85 replies

Margot78 · 07/04/2022 22:39

Dd age 10 has had an issue with clothes for a couple of years. She latches on to one item of clothing and wears nothing else. She will wear her school uniform but as soon as she gets home she flings it off and puts the same navy top on with black and white striped leggings. I have to wash them every night - they are looking worn and too small. It is so frustrating to see her unworn clothes in the wardrobe and to see her friends dressing normally when she can’t seem to. She gets so anxious at the mere thought of trying something else on. Camhs say she will grow out of it and that it’s not ocd as it’s not rigid enough. That’s all very well but what do I do in the meantime? I’m at my wits end with this - I’ve no idea where all this clothes anxiety has come from, I just want her to enjoy wearing clothes.

OP posts:
ofwarren · 07/04/2022 22:44

Does she have autism? Sounds like me as child. I was only diagnosed as an adult.

Original poster
Margot78 · 07/04/2022 22:45

I don’t know, how would I get her assessed for that?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 07/04/2022 22:46

Why do you have to wash them every night? Does she insist on that? Or is she really messy?

Will she alter it when the weather changes?

Original poster
Margot78 · 07/04/2022 22:48

She insists on them being ironed every morning and they smell funny when they’re ironed if they haven’t been washed. She has a cardigan that she wears when it’s cooler but I’m dreading summer because I know she’ll refuse to wear dresses or shorts.

OP posts:
Sleepyquest · 07/04/2022 22:50

Stop ironing them. Would she then wear them? Seems a bit weird for a child to insist something is ironed. Maybe there is more going on.

Excited101 · 07/04/2022 22:50

Is this a new thing op? It’s very rigid. How is she in other ways of life? Has anything happened recently that could be causing her any anxiety or stress?

Original poster
Margot78 · 07/04/2022 22:51

@Sleepyquest

Stop ironing them. Would she then wear them? Seems a bit weird for a child to insist something is ironed. Maybe there is more going on.
Calling her weird isn’t the most helpful.
OP posts:
Ducksurprise · 07/04/2022 22:52

Simon Cowell wears the same outfit. What do you mean 'enjoy clothes' because you do? Because she is a girl?
Lots of people wear the same, teen boys round here seem to wear an identikit. Just buy her what she likes to wear and if she likes something buybthe next size up

ofwarren · 07/04/2022 22:53

Take her to the GP and ask for an assessment. They will ask what other autistic traits she has so best to research it and take a list in with you.
Have a look at this website for typical traits that girls have.
www.myspectrumsuite.com/samantha-crafts-autistic-traits-checklist/

NewtoHolland · 07/04/2022 22:54

Being sensitive to smells like that and rigid about things can be a trait of autism. Perhaps speak to her teachers and see if they have noticed any other traits?

Original poster
Margot78 · 07/04/2022 22:56

@Ducksurprise

Simon Cowell wears the same outfit. What do you mean 'enjoy clothes' because you do? Because she is a girl? Lots of people wear the same, teen boys round here seem to wear an identikit. Just buy her what she likes to wear and if she likes something buybthe next size up
This is different, she literally panics at the thought of wearing something different to the point where she won’t wear a coat if it’s freezing cold. Boys and girls both enjoy clothes, it’s not a girl thing. By enjoy I mean not feel anxious, just be happy to wear things.
OP posts:
ofwarren · 07/04/2022 22:56

If it is an autistic thing then unfortunately she is unlikely to totally change. I'm very particular still about clothing and I'm 43.
I won't wear anything with a rigid waistband, anything restrictive, anything itchy. I won't have bare legs or arms because I hate the feel of air on them. I basically live in leggings and long sleeved tops. I even sleep in them.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 07/04/2022 22:56

Buy her 5 sets of exactly the same outfit to save on the stress and washing.

ofwarren · 07/04/2022 22:57

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

Buy her 5 sets of exactly the same outfit to save on the stress and washing.

Agree with this

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2022 22:58

My DD (ADHD) was incredibly picky with clothes. Only leggings, one type of underwear, only soft tops. Getting socks or shoes was torture.

However she could fall off something, slice her head open, completely fine.

I'd think neurodiversity.

thekewgirl · 07/04/2022 22:59

Definitely more going on I would say. My son has similar issues but thankfully rotates a few items of clothes now. I used to buy the same thing x 3. He still refuses a coat and would wear shorts in the winter if that was the outfit he was going through at the time.

Refusing to iron / wash isn't the answer - that will just cause distress

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 07/04/2022 22:59

Other than the washing and ironing does it really matter? She doesn’t need to enjoy clothes they just need to be functional. If she’s not kicking up a fuss about wearing her uniform then I’d just let her crack on. Maybe when she’s outgrown her current favourite get multiples of her next preferred outfit so you don’t have wash them every day.

ofwarren · 07/04/2022 22:59

If she is already at CAMHS, you can ask them about autism. Some CAMHS actually diagnose it.

SmellyOldOwls · 07/04/2022 23:00

It could be something or nothing OP. It could be a sign of ASD yes but it could just be a comfort thing. She's still very young. I don't have ASD but have always been very sensitive about what I wear, can't bear jeans and never have, my mum used to despair of me. I've found Popsy dresses now I'm older and they're basically all I wear, lots of different dresses in the same fit and style just different colours and patterns. I imagine at her age she'll be conscious of her body changing, her weight and shape and all of that which all impacts how you feel about what you wear.

AnyCakeButBattenburg · 07/04/2022 23:00

You could be writing about my GD! She's almost 11, and for the past 3 months has practically lived in this one particular sweatshirt. She's worn it to school, after school, to the park, play centre, pub for dinner, even to bed. We've all joked and said it needs surgically removing! Her mum has to hide it so that it can be washed. She's got lots of clothes, nicer than this top. It's just a phase.

Original poster
Margot78 · 07/04/2022 23:01

@ofwarren

If it is an autistic thing then unfortunately she is unlikely to totally change. I'm very particular still about clothing and I'm 43. I won't wear anything with a rigid waistband, anything restrictive, anything itchy. I won't have bare legs or arms because I hate the feel of air on them. I basically live in leggings and long sleeved tops. I even sleep in them.
Thank you, I appreciate your insight. I don’t expect change I just worry that these are getting too small for her (I can’t get any more exactly the same as the shop doesn’t do them anymore) and I don’t know how best to respond to her. I try to be understanding but it always seems to end up being an issue and I know I’m failing her.
OP posts:
ofwarren · 07/04/2022 23:03

@AnyCakeButBattenburg

You could be writing about my GD! She's almost 11, and for the past 3 months has practically lived in this one particular sweatshirt. She's worn it to school, after school, to the park, play centre, pub for dinner, even to bed. We've all joked and said it needs surgically removing! Her mum has to hide it so that it can be washed. She's got lots of clothes, nicer than this top. It's just a phase.

OP has said child attends CAMHS and she is panicking when wearing certain clothes. As an autistic woman I feel there is more to it than a phase. The sheer sensory hell when you wear something that feels wrong and you need to rip it off will be recognised by many autistics.

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 07/04/2022 23:04

Autism or she will grow out of it

ofwarren · 07/04/2022 23:06

You aren't failing her because it's obvious that you want to help, and are helping by facilitating her sensory needs.

Would she let you take her shopping for more clothes? Get her feeling the material and talk about how they are similar to what she already wears. Tell her she can take them back if they don't feel right.

Original poster
Margot78 · 07/04/2022 23:06

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe

Other than the washing and ironing does it really matter? She doesn’t need to enjoy clothes they just need to be functional. If she’s not kicking up a fuss about wearing her uniform then I’d just let her crack on. Maybe when she’s outgrown her current favourite get multiples of her next preferred outfit so you don’t have wash them every day.
The problem is she pretty much has outgrown it, she says of she can’t wear it she won’t get dressed (hopefully that’s not true!). If it was just her preference then I honestly would just accommodate it, as I’ve tried to, but it’s more than that, it’s literally terrifying for her to contemplate something else.
OP posts: