To ask will she grow out of this?

[Margot78]

Dd age 10 has had an issue with clothes for a couple of years. She latches on to one item of clothing and wears nothing else. She will wear her school uniform but as soon as she gets home she flings it off and puts the same navy top on with black and white striped leggings. I have to wash them every night - they are looking worn and too small. It is so frustrating to see her unworn clothes in the wardrobe and to see her friends dressing normally when she can’t seem to. She gets so anxious at the mere thought of trying something else on. Camhs say she will grow out of it and that it’s not ocd as it’s not rigid enough. That’s all very well but what do I do in the meantime? I’m at my wits end with this - I’ve no idea where all this clothes anxiety has come from, I just want her to enjoy wearing clothes.

I thought of this thread while urgently trying to get DS's only accepted hoodie washed & dry over night

Probably sounds a Bit weird but I also found it really important to talk about how the clothes were too small rather than the child had outgrown them - mine always seemed offended by the suggestion it was their "fault" /that they changed.

(Saying that the precious hoodie is 8-9 & he is a tall 11 I can't find a duplicate anywhere!!)

I meant to comment the other day I'll echo others and say our DD is like this and always has been she is autistic. Whilst her life is affected by her autism it's an intrinsic part of who she is so we can't really do much about that other than learn to live with it.

Interestingly our DD can't tell us either why she's anxious and what is triggering her it's quite common for autistic people to struggle to articulate in this way.

It maybe a phase or it may be autism. My son who has ASD wore jeans for the first time at 16 years old. I think peer pressure had a lot to do with it as he has requested more.
He would always wear tracksuit bottoms and hated rigid waistbands. He still sensory seeks with soft fabrics for his bedding etc

eventually the clothes just won't fit any more. You might have to wait until that moment to see what happens next, if she refuses to try other clothes in meantime. Be ready to be flexible, adaptable.

the problem with buying 'similar' in next sizes up, is that her preference may change. Kids do change when you least expect it, this is one thing I'd rely on !

It's also possible that she will wear current sizes until 'next size up' is also still too small. and that's without allowing that her body will change in next 2-4 years, she will need clothes with different cut to them.

I agree with others that it would be good for her to take as much as possible the responsibility for her strong preferences. She can wash & dry the items; she can iron. Giving her these tasks may reduce her insistence these things are essential.

No autism here but teen DSs are peculiar about clothes. Will only wear very limited certain colours & styles, DS14 insists on wearing a lot of too-small favourite items and literally I can only get him to give up when they get full of rips, or other damage I can't repair. DD was obsessive about favourites as small child, now as adult is a fashionista clothes horse but still has certain favourites she wears heavily/repeatedly.

I wouldn't worry about this. she probably feels comfortable in what she chooses to wear after school. be it the same everyday, it does not really matter. It reminds me of my school days, in the 1950's. when nobody had much choice in any clothes, we just took our school uniforms off, and put any old thing on, usually the same thing everyday.

She insists on them being ironed every morning and they smell funny when they’re ironed if they haven’t been washed

Have you taught her to do all of this for herself? I know it doesn't solve the issue but it at least takes the pressure off you. If she insists on something being freshly washed and ironed every night then it makes sense that she does it herself.

Maybe try a complete ban on anyone saying anything about it to her for as long as you, and the rest of the household, can manage - set a target of say, 2 whole weeks.

Don't make a big deal of it. Just use "mmm hhh's and ok's" and let her just exist in a world where this thing she does isn't such a big deal to everyone around her.

It must be exhausting for both of you and this could give you both some much needed breathing room 🤍

I've no idea if your daughter is autistic, it's a possibility. I am autistic and do wear the same thing a lot so I'll often buy a few of the same thing. If I get a jumper I love and want to wear a lot, I'll buy about 5 of them. I know someone's already suggested this in the thread. It might help ease her anxiety a bit.

You need to find her clothes in her size that are similar in look and material to what she likes. Then introduce those to her and have a conversation about how she is growing. She can choose what she likes best out of what you have found. A shopping trip to a store full of clothes will likely be completely overwhelming.

The change will likely make her very anxious and upset - you can expect that and the reality is all you can do is help her work through it and help her realize there are other clothes she can wear. When she settles on something eventually - at ten, I can't imagine she will choose no clothes over something close to what she wears, then you can get multiple outfits. Wearing clothes is a basic daily activity of living and if she really can't move past the anxiety of a new set - then she definitely needs professional help. It could be the anticipation of changing her outfits is worse than the reality and after she initially melts down when the change is introduced, she may do better than either of you anticipate.

His is more than fussiness op can't just say no. Will she wear copies of same outfit in bigger sizes? Can you take her shopping to choose some clothes? I
Re asd in my area it's school that do assessment and referral so would be senco you would need to speak to but I would try gp first.