To ask will she grow out of this?

[Margot78]

Dd age 10 has had an issue with clothes for a couple of years. She latches on to one item of clothing and wears nothing else. She will wear her school uniform but as soon as she gets home she flings it off and puts the same navy top on with black and white striped leggings. I have to wash them every night - they are looking worn and too small. It is so frustrating to see her unworn clothes in the wardrobe and to see her friends dressing normally when she can’t seem to. She gets so anxious at the mere thought of trying something else on. Camhs say she will grow out of it and that it’s not ocd as it’s not rigid enough. That’s all very well but what do I do in the meantime? I’m at my wits end with this - I’ve no idea where all this clothes anxiety has come from, I just want her to enjoy wearing clothes.

My DS is autistic, he's like this, he has one outfit he will wear, Pyjamas he's not too bad on, but we have to show him all the labels have been cut off.

I would definitely contact your doctor, does she have anymore traits? Or is this her only problem?

I now buy the same outfit when I can, in a size bigger and buy 5-6 of them.

You also may find bigger sizes of her outfit on ebay second hand.

Do get her assessed for autism, and also get a second opinion on OCD / anxiety. Once you’ve got either a diagnosis or confirmation that it IS just a phase, then I’d get some advice from a child psychologist on how to gently manage her out of it.

I am curious though as to how ironing her clothes daily started out?

You may also have to accept that clothes aren’t a great interest of hers, and she may prefer to
Keep it pretty plain.

Could you take her shopping, tell her you're buying her another special outfit, she can choose it etc. and buy lots of them, wash it and iron it so it feels familiar.

With my son it's the feel of clothes.

Sounds like there is more going on then for her and agree might be worth speaking the GP. Any other concerns or is it just clothes?

@ofwarren

If she is already at CAMHS, you can ask them about autism. Some CAMHS actually diagnose it.

We have been signed off by camhs. We were seeing them because she had night time anxiety. They were helpful with techniques for that but the lady signed us off. I mentioned the clothes thing several tikes but was told that we need to focus on one issue at a time. The fact that her life is otherwise ok - she does well at school, has friendships etc means that they don’t want to refer her for further support because “we don’t want her thinking something is wrong with her”. The lady was convinced it was a phase although never actually met dd, it was all done through us on zoom calls. Apparently that’s how they do it now.

If you can show us the outfit she wears I'm sure we could find you the closest approximation to it if not the actual clothes. MN is very good like that.

@Margot78
This happend with a friend of mines daughters pepper pig leggings she literally tumble dried them over and over again with a plan to make them way too small but this didn't work too well then her friend came with a sewing machine and they chipped 2 inches off and hemmed them up so they were physically far too small and also tightened the elastic in the waist so they became too tight
She then wore anything that was in the draw!

My DD was exactly the same and still reverts to it sometimes. She likes her routine and can get very anxious. My only answer is to stop worrying if her behaviour is “normal” and just focus on helping her find more clothes that she’s comfortable in. Can she tell you specifically why she likes them, is it the feel of the fabric or the look of the clothes? They’re getting small but does she actually like that feeling? Could you try dance or ballet tights that will be close to her skin? Sometimes it’s a sensory thing, sometimes a comfort thing, sometimes both!

She might when fashionable items attract her.
For now I wouldn't hold my breath, my DD age 13 has the same pair of joggers 2 years, she has/had plenty of nice clothes.
I donated them
Her jacket is thin no getting her out of it.
She has always had weird attachments to certain clothes.
I have to throw out her old trainers so she has no choice, always the same style replaced.
It's a sensory thing.
She drives me mad.

I really think you need to trust your instincts especially because its linked to her feeling anxious if she doesn't have things the way she wants them. My daughter was obsessed with wearing a white vest under her clothes for years. It was grey and holey and she still wore it. We also thought she would grow out of it but unfort she did go on to develop severe OCD and anxiety.
Can you also please google inattentive ADHD and see if this fits your daughter? My daughter realised as a teen she had inattentive ADHD and we think that because it had gone undiagnosed this triggered her anxiety and therefore her behaviour. The whole wearing the same clothes thing is a red flag to me of someone wanted to literally wear a comfort blanket and is really sign posting how distressed she feels.

@Summerfun54321

My DD was exactly the same and still reverts to it sometimes. She likes her routine and can get very anxious. My only answer is to stop worrying if her behaviour is “normal” and just focus on helping her find more clothes that she’s comfortable in. Can she tell you specifically why she likes them, is it the feel of the fabric or the look of the clothes? They’re getting small but does she actually like that feeling? Could you try dance or ballet tights that will be close to her skin? Sometimes it’s a sensory thing, sometimes a comfort thing, sometimes both!

Thank you that’s really helpful, I appreciate it. I know I’m probably coming across to some people like I’m being horrible and not accepting her but I’m really just a concerned parent.

It's not necessarily autism. Not everything has to be pathologised. It's normal for kids to do this kind of seemingly random stuff. Just let her do it and chill out about it. It could be that the more you bug her about it the more doing it will feel like how she maintains a feeling of power and control and self. And it could be that clothes and her body comes with with hell of a lot of thinking and worrying and baggage and these leggings are safe and easy for her right now.

Do you think it might help to get her more than one of the same thing?

On the other hand, you wouldn't want to make it so that she never has to adapt, because chances are she can't find the same pair of leggings for the next 20 years!

Do you think you could find a small range of nearly identical things she might accept? I think that's what I'd look toward. Dark leggings of similar material, for example. Stuff that will be easy to find.

I don’t think “she’ll grow out of it”. Can you talk her through what’s making her anxious about wearing something different so you can see if you can find her alternatives? I wouldn’t have washed and ironed it every night as I think it’ll be harder for her to contemplate something different now?

@ittakes2

I really think you need to trust your instincts especially because its linked to her feeling anxious if she doesn't have things the way she wants them. My daughter was obsessed with wearing a white vest under her clothes for years. It was grey and holey and she still wore it. We also thought she would grow out of it but unfort she did go on to develop severe OCD and anxiety. Can you also please google inattentive ADHD and see if this fits your daughter? My daughter realised as a teen she had inattentive ADHD and we think that because it had gone undiagnosed this triggered her anxiety and therefore her behaviour. The whole wearing the same clothes thing is a red flag to me of someone wanted to literally wear a comfort blanket and is really sign posting how distressed she feels.

I’m so sorry your daughter went on to develop problems, I hope she is ok. I think that’s what I’m afraid of, I guess. That there’s something going on that’s not being addressed and it’s making her anxious and may get “worse”. I think you’ve summed it up perfectly about her literally wearing a comfort blanket. The inattentive adhd seems to fit me more than her if I’m honest! She’s actually pretty sharp, concentrates well and has an incredible memory. I’m keeping an open mind though of course, thank you for your response.

@MrsIglesias

It's not necessarily autism. Not everything has to be pathologised. It's normal for kids to do this kind of seemingly random stuff. Just let her do it and chill out about it. It could be that the more you bug her about it the more doing it will feel like how she maintains a feeling of power and control and self. And it could be that clothes and her body comes with with hell of a lot of thinking and worrying and baggage and these leggings are safe and easy for her right now.

Chilling is easier said that done. I try not to make an issue out of it but invariably it becomes one for instance if she’s trying to wear something that hasn’t dried properly yet, if family or friends bring it up, if there’s another sodding non uniform day, if she spills something on the top and then freaks out, if she’s yelling at me because she thinks I haven’t ironed it properly. It can make life pretty stressful.

Eh? I have a very narrow range of clothes I wear. I wear only natural fibres, I hate man-made. They make me sweat or itch. I just thought I had sensitive skin and mild allergies. I tend to wear the same things because I CBA to go through my wardrobe. It never occurred to me I could be autistic.

@Lalliella

Eh? I have a very narrow range of clothes I wear. I wear only natural fibres, I hate man-made. They make me sweat or itch. I just thought I had sensitive skin and mild allergies. I tend to wear the same things because I CBA to go through my wardrobe. It never occurred to me I could be autistic.

Nobody has called you autistic though. Anxiety is not the same as being sensitive or allergic, I don’t think it’s really comparable.

My DS wears only a very small selection of clothes & they can only be worn as sets he won't/can't mix a top from one set with trousers from the other. The fabric, shape & colour has to exactly right - As a result I make nearly all his clothes!

You need to understand what it is about those clothes that make them "right" for her then work to find replacements. Check the labels see what the fabric composition is, consider the weight of the fabric, where the waistband hits, be open to buying clothes that she might accept even if they are the same (too small) size as the current ones as this is more likely to make them feel "right" then stash the next size up & try to introduce them in a few months. (Washed a few times & unpacked so they smell like home)

I would imagine that she finds her uniform stressful- I wonder if there are any accommodations possible that would help her (like black leggings similar shape to ones she accepts rather than trousers or tights).

Good luck & hold on to the fact this is a need not a want for her

@MrsIglesias

It's not necessarily autism. Not everything has to be pathologised. It's normal for kids to do this kind of seemingly random stuff. Just let her do it and chill out about it. It could be that the more you bug her about it the more doing it will feel like how she maintains a feeling of power and control and self. And it could be that clothes and her body comes with with hell of a lot of thinking and worrying and baggage and these leggings are safe and easy for her right now.

Yeah just ignore the parents with children who are ND. What do they know?

Pfft. Using their lives experience like idiots.

Given she has chronic anxiety too it isn't just a clothes issue.
I understand OP as said up-thread DD is the same she is on the spectrum.
Can you afford to see someone privately?

We had this for a while, mainly shoes. Ebay was my saviour, I'd just hunt down second hand identical ones. Second hand was a bonus too as she didn't like the newness, I had to make sure there was no trace of anyone else's fabric softener smell on them. She grew out of this phase, although she is still quite particular about softness, but loves fashion. That said, she is a teen now and is being assessed for ADHD, but she copes well.

Sorry @Margot78 I wasn't calling her weird, I just mean it seems unusual for a child to demand something is ironed. It must be the way it feels on her skin when it's ironed or something which would point to some sensory issues perhaps or maybe a comfort thing.
If you bought her a new pair of leggings the same pattern and ironed them for her, would she perhaps give them a go? Or is that specific pair of leggings only?

Agree with PPs who suggest taking your DD shopping so she can pick and try on clothes. This will help shore up her sense of control, which is important to her.

Most people, ND or NT, have clear preferences for certain types of clothes. It's more to do with physiology, I suspect. Kids at puberty often want clothes for protection. When I was 11 I lived in a big red jacket that covered me past the hips and was my cocoon in a world that leered and jeered at girls for having breast buds. My DD, 14, lived in capacious hoodies at that age. These days she hates her old-fashioned school uniform and changes into leggings as soon as she gets home. Comfort and security -- these are the key words.