What age did your looks start to fade?

[SalJ90]

Do we really become less desirable as we get older? Why is this?

45 and I still get stopped in the street and complimented (actually, I say “still” - that never happened to me when I was younger but has happened quite a few times in the last year). I’m not sure whether it’s down to looking young or just dressing well. Looking good takes more and more effort, I notice a difference in my face if I’ve spent a few days eating just salads and fruit. There’s a healthy glow, and not the dull, grey look I get when I’ve gorged on biscuits and crisps.

Shostaklovhich

Do strangers actually stop you in the street to compliment you? That is weird.

@BrightOrangeOrange

Shostaklovhich

Do strangers actually stop you in the street to compliment you? That is weird.

Must be a posher area.

I used to be able to see my worthiness in the eyes of others through comments like:"nice tits, love" or the snappier:"I would. "

On one memorable occasion, a man stopped his car next to me and offered to take me anywhere I wanted to go. But I was 20 and in an area frequented by prostitutes, so draw your own conclusions.

I think we need to reframe this ‘haggard and aged narrative. We’ve lived - survived, nurtured, been leaned on, conquered, won, balanced a thousand plates, failed and come out the other side and between us all lived a million lives.

We’ve been fucking amazing and this is what amazing looks like. Maybe so many of us wouldn’t look quite so tired if we didn’t feel compelled to battle it.

@BrightOrangeOrange yes it’s happened a few times in the last year. Always men though and probably would mean more if it’s a woman saying it without any ulterior motive. I find it embarrassing but deep down think it’s nice to still get noticed. I only mentioned it because it didn’t happen that much when I was younger.

Still got it.

Yours,
Samantha.

What a lovely way of putting it @Cornettoninja - I love that!

I commented earlier at age 42 I've noticed a change having not bothered with any skin care, partied quite hard in my 20s and generally not really worried about it. I recently went for a facial, a treatment mesotherapy. The therapist was trying to really play on my worries and suggested I get filler in my tear troughs. She had great skin herself and was a year older than myself. I asked if she had any procedures and she said no I just look after my skin and do a lotnof facials.The facial cost me £290 , absolutely ridiculous to make us women feel awful. I cannot justify paying for that once a month. Although my skin felt nice a sheet mask or something at home probably would have been just as good.
I would rather spend my money on travelling, enjoying time with my children, husband, family, friends than spend extra money on skin care and injections.
It's depressing how obsessed we've become with not having wrinkles and signs of aging. Even young people are obsessed.

3 months. It's THE cutest age, as everybody knows.

@NandorTheRelentlessCleaner @BrightOrangeOrange

I had some physio after ds1 and I having it again after ds3 who is 12 weeks. I need surgical repair so no amount of kegels is going to make it much better, only help to slow down worsening but both were grade 3 from the start caused by forceps delivery. I have to wait until my baby is old enough to get up and down stairs, into/out of bed on his own because otherwise the lifting will cause surgery to fail. Realistically I'm going to be in my 40s before I have surgery and the op has a high rate of failure. I need to splint and use a water irrigation system to go to toilet, even just walking causes it to come out of me. I can't go anywhere unless I know I will have quick access to a toilet because I can't hold my bladder for long, so was practically house bound with my ds during covid lockdowns. It's depressing to know that I will spend the majority of my life unable to do very much without my insides falling out and being unable to go to the toilet without having to do invasive things to get it out. I used to be very sporty and active, its robbed me of my hobbies and who I was, I'm not supposed to lift more than 5kg, my baby is 6kg. I'm not supposed to run,jump or lift but i have small children . It's extra lax right now postpartum and I'm constantly uncomfortable. I'd quite happily have the whole thing permanently sealed so nothing can fall out anymore.

Thanks for the vit c face cream tip, I will try it and see if it reduces the melasma. I already use spf 50 because I'm very fair skinned and burn easy.

I've attached a photo of me at about 41/42 or so and then one of me taken about a week ago. It might be just the extra weight as per the first photo that made me look and feel invisible.

I lost 6 stone and everything, and I mean everything, just sagged.

For full disclosure I've had surgery, I had a neck and lower facelift and I use Botox and fillers as well as a comprehensive skincare routine.

I feel and probably look the best I ever have, certainly since my 20's.

I'm not convinced that losing so much weight in your 40's was a great idea considering what it did to my neck, face and the rest of my body.

I've always said I wished I'd lost it younger and had more time being 12 stone as opposed to 18 stone 4.

I honestly think that Botox and fillers can only do so much. It helps with the 'scaffolding' so to speak but the actual quality of my skin has only improved over the last 18 months.

There is a glow that comes from using retinol that I can spot a mile off especially on a more mature person. It's not the same as a youthful glow because no one can replicate that under any circumstances.

I have always stayed out of the sun which I think has helped a lot but in terms of helping with skin quality and the actual surface of your skin but retinol has been a game changer it really has.

Having 5 children ranging in age from 30 down to 9 really took it out of me, I've loved every minute of it don't get me wrong but I remember distinctly looking and feeling every one of my 41 years when I had my last Ds via c section at just shy of 41.

I see nothing wrong with growing old gracefully at all it's just not for me, not yet anyway.

I think I've seen some wonderful older looking people with absolutely no work at all, I've also seen some people who look like they've had a really hard time and it shows on your face.

I don't know the answer of when do your looks start to fade but I do know that even though I may look 50 I do want to look the nicest I can for 50.

@Snugglepumpkin I'm sorry to read about your grief, it must be ever so hard

I don't think I look bad but certainly older than I did when I was 20. My hair is grey so that is a change though I rather like it. Having kids changed my figure fairly permanently so I had to get used to that.

As for why our looks start to go, it's just the nature of aging, things aren't what they were. And we put a lot of value on youth with regard to women's looks. Men do also age a little differently, I think, they hit their prime in terms of looks later but it can peak later as well.

Oh and here is a before and after of my neck, I saved hard and for quite a while for my surgery.

It's cheating I know as it's not natural aging but it made me really sad every time I looked in the mirror.

Oh and my body is still a good size 16 ( sometimes an 18 ) and a hot mess 🤣 can't afford anymore surgery and wouldn't even if I could, I'm good friends with Spanx.

I can hide it under clothes quite well though - my bmi is 27 and no matter what I do I don't seem to be able to lose anymore weight.

Just over 6 stone will have to do!

@Wagsandclaws

You look great! You probably don't want to say but how much did the surgery cost? How do you go about finding a good surgeon?

If I won the lottery I'd be seriously tempted!

@middlingnot happy to day, it was something that by the time I got to about 14 stone I knew would need doing and I lost the weight over a 4 year timespan so had time to start saving.

I found my surgeon based on the fact that he will do it under a local as didn't want to go under.

He has lots of examples of his work all over the internet and he's quite well known so I was happy to have the surgery with him.

It was 10.5k which is such an awful lot of money I know but I saved hard and didn't have holidays ect.

I think for my self esteem and confidence it was worth every penny.

@Wagsandclaws how old were you when the first neck picture was taken if you don't mind me asking?
The surgeon has done a lovely job.

@Scianel I think I was 46/47. I was 18.4 and went down to my current weight which is 12.1 atm.

I would say the neck issue started at around 15 stone and I remember saying to my aesthetics practitioner when I was getting Botox which I had started about it and he said I think it will only get worse I'm afraid and it did.

By the time I was ready for the surgery it was quite noticeable and I used to avoid photos Ect - there are hardly any of me at my daughters wedding except for the ones that I had to do.

This is a photo that I've attached of the side of me where I had the photo taken in the morning and the one next to it is me on the way home about 1 hour after the surgery.

My daughter took the photo to share with the rest of my family as she couldn't believe the difference! ( she was driving me as the surgery was in Kent and I live in Somerset ). The photo is me 5 hours apart.

@Wagsandclaws thanks for sharing, that's incredible, what a difference!

I'm not usually pro people having loads of unnecessary stuff done but I can totally understand if you've got a particular feature that is making you unhappy as in your case. Amazingly done with the weight loss as well.

@Scianel Actually me either, I don't mind tweakments and have found the Botox and fillers have helped massively with any facial sag but any surgery is quite a big thing.

I found it strange that the expected thing from a lot of people was that I was going to get a tummy tuck, like it was an automatic thing as I have been left with a bit of an apron stomach.

The choice was clear for me. I can hide my tummy in well chosen and nicely cut clothes as well as a bit of shape wear but there was no hiding that profile or my neck sadly.

It was a big thing and I was quite scared as I was awake for the whole thing and I underestimated the downtime afterwards but I'm so, so glad I had it done.

For me the difference in how I feel about myself after 30 years of being very overweight was huge.

I primarily lost the weight for my health but I do try and take pride in my appearance too, I did when I was 18 stone and I do now

Thank you though, I think it's an incredible job too, he is very, clever!

@Wagsandclaws I totally get why you'd have gone for the neck/lower face instead, that's the bit people see, and most importantly the bit you see when you look in the mirror.
My boobs aren't brilliant now thanks to up and down weight shenanigans but no biggie, no-one really sees them and I can just hoik them up in a bra.
How did you lose the weight?

Aged 40 - my twin girls were 12 months old, the difference before & after is stark 😞

@Scianel ha ha ditto! Mine point downwards but I've got some great bras so 🤷‍♀️

It was a slow thing over 4 years, I just started to eat only when I was hungry, some months I lost nothing, some months I lost a lb or 2 it was a very slow process.

I also got food poisoning ( I don't recommend it as a fun way to lose weight ) but that was another 10lbs.

The main thing was that everything I lost I didn't put back on and sometimes I ate enough to maintain weight for a couple of months and sometimes I literally ate a couple of hundred calories less for a month ( I didn't count ) and then lost maybe 2lbs that month.

I still ate what I wanted just less of it and I didn't diet as I'm one of those people who at the mention of the word diet eats everything in sight as I feel deprived.

It's hard isn't it? especially now I'm in the menopause at 50 I can't eat what I used to and probably only need about 1600 to maintain which I can soon make short work of!

I've taken to intermittent fasting here and there, it's not a clean fast as I drink tea and coffee all day but I don't eat during the day that much anymore, I'm out for lunch tomorrow so will but in the main I eat a sociable evening meal and fruit and that tends to make it up.

I never had any good looks to start with so they’ve never “faded” 🤷‍♀️

I think my face and hair is still pretty good - I look quite unusual and often get comments. But since having baby, below the neckline is a disaster. DH says I look good but I feel absolutely hideous. Beyond hideous tbh. I find the physical changes from pregnancy really upsetting and they’ve actually been the hardest part of having a baby for me. Baby’s fine, it’s me that’s the problem!! I’m 3 months post partum and I’ll be back working out very soon. I’ve started a bit but nowhere near enough to get myself back. Makes no sense to me - if nature wanted us to have lots of kids, why does being pregnant destroy our bodies.. if I ever have sex again it’ll be a miracle 😭😂