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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this was disability discrimination - asked to leave soft play after 2 hours (2 children with ASD/ADHD)

113 replies

Daffodilz · 06/04/2022 14:38

Today went to local soft play. It had a brilliant fun and kind owner. Sadly has since changed hands.

My 2 youngest have adhd/asd. We were the only family asked to leave after 2 hours play. Other families with neurotypical children who also entered at 10am weren't asked to leave. AIBU to think this is disability discrimination?

As not to drip feed they weren't behaving badly or loud.

I'd paid exactly the same as them.

Any parents of children with additional needs have similar? What would you have done or said?

OP posts:
Summerofcontent · 06/04/2022 14:59

@MrsTerryPratchett

The 2 hour was only applied to us. None of the 5 other families who entered at the same time had to leave.

But you left. How would you know if they were then asked?

My child with ADHD is pretty obviously ND at soft play. Never asked to leave unless she was misbehaving.

It takes time to get children in the car. If they entered one after the other at 10am they should have been asked to leave one after the other and been getting shoes and coats on and loading children into cars at roughly the same time
Kanaloa · 06/04/2022 15:00

The others might have said they would pay to stay longer. She might have asked them to leave afterwards. They might have come just after you did so had 10 mins or so left.

I honestly don’t think you can say they ‘knew’ your kids had ASD and asked them to leave because of that. You paid for two hours service and received two hours service. How could you say it was disability discrimination when they gave you in full the service you paid for? You’d have to say ‘oh it’s disability discrimination because they didn’t let me stay more than two hours. Yes I paid for only two hours.’ Doesn’t work like that.

Original poster
Daffodilz · 06/04/2022 15:03

@Summerofcontent

I would guess it opened at 10am and there was a queue of families waiting to go in.

It sounds like op was the only family asked to leave at 12 and none of the other families she was queuing with at 10 was asked to leave at 12

yeah, that's right
OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 06/04/2022 15:07

I certainly think it’s worth emailing them and asking why you were asked to leave, while others were not. It could be something that you are not aware of, but if it was discriminatory, you’ll put a shot across their bows.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 06/04/2022 15:08

What you're suggesting is that your kids behaved perfectly for 2 hours, a member of staff who works at the school told the other staff about your dcs ADHD/ASD, and based upon that alone they asked you to leave after 2 hours, and didn't ask anyone else?

Its more likely that you didn't notice what else was going on because you were packing up the kids.

Paying for a service, and receiving that service isn't discrimination.

iklboo · 06/04/2022 15:13

1 of their team works at the local school and would know.

But you still don't know you were asked to leave solely due to your children's disabilities. The fact that the team member who works there AND at the local school doesn't mean you were asked to leave on disability grounds or that there was direct discrimination. Unless they specifically asked you to leave because of their disabilities.

Gowithme · 06/04/2022 15:14

Did you ask why they hadn't asked anyone else to leave? It's hard to know what was going on tbh.

Horst · 06/04/2022 15:15

Why didn’t you offer to pay more to stay? Maybe the other families did.

It’s a big jump that your perfectly fine behaving children where the only ones asked to leave just because outside of soft play someone knows they have adhd.

Original poster
Daffodilz · 06/04/2022 15:27

@Kanaloa

The others might have said they would pay to stay longer. She might have asked them to leave afterwards. They might have come just after you did so had 10 mins or so left.

I honestly don’t think you can say they ‘knew’ your kids had ASD and asked them to leave because of that. You paid for two hours service and received two hours service. How could you say it was disability discrimination when they gave you in full the service you paid for? You’d have to say ‘oh it’s disability discrimination because they didn’t let me stay more than two hours. Yes I paid for only two hours.’ Doesn’t work like that.

They didn't.
OP posts:
TheRealityCheque · 06/04/2022 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Daffodilz · 06/04/2022 15:29

It's cool - we won't go again. We're lucky to have plenty of options re entertainment. I'm kicking myself for not asking for a 1.75 refund on the jug of juice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffodilz · 06/04/2022 15:30

@TheRealityCheque

Meh.

Why do the parents of kids with this type of disability often seem so very entitled and enjoy playing the victim card?

Wow!

Reported - as I'm "so entitled".

OP posts:
Whinge · 06/04/2022 15:33

@Daffodilz

It's cool - we won't go again. We're lucky to have plenty of options re entertainment. I'm kicking myself for not asking for a 1.75 refund on the jug of juice.
Did your children have a nice time? If so it seems a bit of a drastic leap to say you'll never go again because of what could easily be a misunderstanding.
girlmom21 · 06/04/2022 15:34

@Daffodilz

It's cool - we won't go again. We're lucky to have plenty of options re entertainment. I'm kicking myself for not asking for a 1.75 refund on the jug of juice.
Then your children will miss out. You paid for two hours, you got two hours.

There's a good chance the other families were also asked to leave. Unless you were watching them at all times and not your children, you wouldn't know.

cptartapp · 06/04/2022 15:34

Bit risky buying more juice so close to the two hour mark.

IncompleteSenten · 06/04/2022 15:36

It's a small place and everyone knows each other?

Your children were not behaving any differently to any other child?

You got the two hours you paid for, but others got an extra amount of time, how much you do not know, and the place was nowhere near full?

What if it wasn't disability discrimination but rather the staff were friends with the other parents and since the place wasn't busy, decided to give them a bit of extra time.

Is that a possibility?

Runkle · 06/04/2022 15:38

How did you overhear any other conversations taking place whilst looking after your own children and in a busy soft play centre? You can't know for definite if they were also asked to leave or not.

Horst · 06/04/2022 15:39

You seem to know a lot about every other persons business there op.

You just know nobody else was asked to leave and you know nobody else paid to stay longer. And you just knows it’s because of the adhd yet they where behaving….

Maybe it wasn’t about your children maybe it was you 🤷🏻‍♀️

TerribleCustomerCervix · 06/04/2022 15:40

I have a young dc with asd.

I’ve found that life is generally challenging interesting enough without going out of my way to see how she’s treated differently.

You got the service you paid for, and unless you were closely watching the other five families, plus supervising your own two kids while simultaneously packing up, you could’ve easily missed the other parents getting the same reminder.

Nicholethejewellery · 06/04/2022 15:41

If you think you've got a case, start legal action.

I don't think, from what you've said, you can prove it was discrimination. If your children were behaving as you say then your case collapses because there was no behaviour that would warrant discrimination.

I also think that your case is weak because you got what you paid for. Businesses are entitled to offer freebies to customers. "Mates rates" and all that.

doyourselfafavour · 06/04/2022 15:42

I'm not sure but you are drip feeding. You need to give us every detail from start to finish so we can decide if the soft play staff were being unreasonable because sometimes it's not as simple as what you are saying in the title.

duckme · 06/04/2022 15:45

Could you ask the person who works at the school next time you're there? Maybe they can say what had happened?

TonkaTruckduck · 06/04/2022 15:46

You can't possibly be serious about asking for a refund on a jug of squash that your children didn't have time to drink because you were asked to leave at the end of your allocated 2 hour session. It's poor judgement on your part, not the fault of the softplay people.

Knittingchamp · 06/04/2022 15:47

You paid for 2 hours and got 2 hours so no problem! I'm afraid that's all there is to it. It won't be because of your kids being neurodiverse. Maybe the people who ran the place were going to ask a family every few minutes their time was up (feeling anxious to tell everyone at once?) Or one of many other reasons as to why they didn't ask at exactly the same time (maybe the jug of juice was the catalyst - a jug infers you were getting comfortable for a long extra session but your time was up!).

MajesticallyAwkward · 06/04/2022 15:52

It's very unlikely it was discrimination, as PPs have said it could be that the other families were asked to leave after or they paid for an extra session. Or maybe you annoyed the staff... who knows.

You could contact them call, email, pop in, and ask about it. Clarify if it's a 2 hour session and if not then why you were asked to leave.

I'd avoid the £1.75 juice because that just comes across as petty and entitled.