To think relationships a bit of a raw deal for women?

[CrushEmAll]

I know there are women who are extremely happy in their relationships, but I believe that’s probably the minority. The vast majority of divorces are filed by women. And of those that remain married, many appear to stay for financial reasons, for the kids etc. I’m not here to bash men (I have sons of my own), but many of them just do not seem to have the emotional intelligence and communication skills (amongst other things), that are required to make a relationship healthy and successful. A few women I know who are past their child bearing years and are still single, seem to have high self esteem and confidence, are financially secure and independent and will not settle. It seems for these women, men have very little to offer them therefore they continue to be single until they find someone who is able to genuinely enhance their lives. And I wonder if it’s a very very small percentage of men who truly will be able to enhance their lives?

@Goawayangryman

Still very rare for younger men to permanently partner with much older women

How rare is it? Do you know? Or are you just speaking from your own experience?

@Roundeartheratchriatmas

I fall into the second category.

While I do believe there are decent men out there the experiences of my female friends and the many many threads on here regularly remind me exactly why I am better off without.

I simply could not imagine putting up with the behaviour described. The bar set for men is very very low.

There was the woman who’s DP pissed the bed and left it for her to clean.

The ones who won’t split finances.

The ones who cheat, lie and are disrespectful.

The ones who aren’t abusive but just thoughtless.

The ones that want a maid.

No thank you.

I also have very little time for women that complain about their husbands lack of ability to “help” them then say ah men - with a tinkly laugh.

Men can and do have identical points. Women oft use the excuse of, 'I'm not happy' to rationalize choices.

Women do often become excessively drunk. A friend's wife has fallen badly whilst pissed. There seems to be a wine o clock problem.
People don't seem to realize the alcohol content. 14% wine vs 4% beer.

Cheating and lying are commonplace and even actively encouraged by society in general and certainly hidden amongst friendship groups.
Disrespect is common, especially by incessant criticism.

Abuse is reciprocal both parties form an abuse cycle. They just chose different methods to do so.

Financially both parties can be either prudent with money, selfish, or tight.

Both parties mirror each other, women are more likely to divorce, and men, on the other hand, do not want to liquidate assets, so they stay.

The ideal solution is 2 places, but it's not realistic for most, I just think most people are not ready for the challenges relationships bring.

Hrpuffnstuff1

Yes both men and women can do these things.

But as touched on earlier it is socially much more acceptable for a man to say… not do anything around the house or to do with the children. Because they are not subject to the same social conditioning as women.

As I said I see groups of women giggling about how they have to do everything because their partner “can’t”. Yet their partner managed to hold down a job.

And they don’t see any issue with numerous men apparently unable to function without someone to “look after” them.

@Roundeartheratchriatmas

Hrpuffnstuff1

Yes both men and women can do these things.

But as touched on earlier it is socially much more acceptable for a man to say… not do anything around the house or to do with the children. Because they are not subject to the same social conditioning as women.

As I said I see groups of women giggling about how they have to do everything because their partner “can’t”. Yet their partner managed to hold down a job.

And they don’t see any issue with numerous men apparently unable to function without someone to “look after” them.

I don't know many who don't do anything at all.

There seems to be a problem with who does what or the division of labor. My parents both worked, and my mum did the chores, however, my dad built and maintained the house and grounds.
Modern couples seem to get this area in a muddle, men assume a woman at home she'll take care of the home, and women go in fact I need help. Man thinks eh, I'm working and I've got to do that as well. Fuck that. It's arguments that spiral.
It's like my mate's wife, constantly faffing with the house, she's re-decorated 3 times in 5 yrs. Oh, I don't like this now, I want that. I asked him what he gets out of all this. Fuck that.
My brother's ex-wife for instance demanded they both visit her family 3-4 times per week, but he didn't want to go 3-4 times a week when he traveled up to 4 hr per day with his job. He was quite happy to go but not on a weeknight. In the end, this caused huge resentment and massive balling rows as neither could compromise. They split up, it was either what she wanted or his life was made to be hell.

I have to admit, I love my DP but the happiest I've ever been is when I lived alone dating. My apartment was always in mint condition, if I wanted to buy a pillow or chocolate bar or book a trip to a holiday etc I just did it. No conference is needed, just do it.

As an older man, I reflect, that we just don't want the arguments over the demands we feel women place on us. It's tiring.

@Watchkeys

So many people here posting as if their own experience is proof of how the rest of the world works.

Many people are in happy relationships. Many are happy single. Many are unhappy in relationships. Many are unhappy single. All of those options are perfectly common.

They are, but at a population level the data points to marriage being beneficial to men at a detriment to women. That's not based on my experience or wot-I-reckonry, it's the health stats for marriage at a population level.

I suspect women put up with a lot of shit partly because of social conditioning and partly because they want children and their opportunities are time-limited. That is based on personal observation. I'm lucky, I found a man who I think does enhance my life and who makes me happier. They are out there, but on the whole, as a woman you probably are better off being single.

@Watchkeys there is tons of domestic and international research and data on this issue. Here is a starter for ten: www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/01/03/globally-women-are-younger-than-their-male-partners-more-likely-to-age-alone/