I agree. I think women are conditioned from a birth to take responsibility for other people’s emotions, and men are conditioned to expect those emotions and be literally taken care of by the women in their life. Women are conditioned to do all the emotional labour and take on all the mental load in a household, and there are enormous social consequences if they don’t and massive relationship consequences if they stop doing it later on in a relationship. They are also paid less in the workplace, which perpetuates this inequality, as they are often the ones to reduce hours or give up work entirely, which further impacts their ability to earn. Most middle aged mums are just fucking exhausted, in my experience. Mothers are expected to work like fathers, but fathers are not expected to parent like mothers, so why (objectively) would any woman keep supporting a freeloading man in this emotional, practical and increasingly financial way? Middle class women don’t really need men in families any more. They might like them, love them and enjoy having them around (or they might not) but they increasingly don’t need them. SPF are going to become the norm if men don’t grow into valuable partners, because women no longer have to put up with a man being an additional burden on a family for the pay packet. If they want an actual partner, or it’s easier to support a family without a man in it, they have options these days.
Partly this is because they are able to earn more and don’t necessarily need a partners income to raise a family. Partly it’s because divorce is more accessible and division of assets and income is beginning to reflect all the invisible work and sacrifice that women often make for their families. Partly its because single mothers are breaking out of the ghastly social stigma that the patriarchy has built to keep them down and persuade society that a partnership is necessary to perpetuate the species, which has been keeping them pretty comfy for a loooong time. Partly it’s because of the welfare state (which might go some way to explain why the likes of Bozo are so against it. They badly need women to continue their precious lineage, but fear that a more matriarchal society would undermine their Old White Male supremacy. Which if course it quite rightly would. Bozo particularly has a personal interest in demonising single mothers. He’s an absent father how many times over?!) Understandably, many men object to no longer having their comfort and pleasure being put before women’s, well, anything, which also places a lot of strain on a relationship, particularly if women grow into themselves and stop putting up with this shit after they’ve married or had children.
Women’s ability to bear and raise children is the most limited natural human resource. It’s a great deal of anthropological power in a species. The patriarchy (particularly any of it that values its ‘bloodlines’ for want of a better term ie all the upper class!) at it’s heart, deeply and likely unconsciously fears this power and has been oppressing women for thousands of years in order try and control it. But they can’t take it, and they can’t do without it.
This is a observation on society, not individual men. I am single, for all of the reasons above, but I like plenty of individual men. It’s no more their fault they are part of the patriarchy than mine that I’m oppressed by it. We are all a product of sexist society and there’s no shame in admitting it. In fact, until we all do admit it, without shame or judgement, we can’t do a lot to change it. However, most men could do a hell of a lot more to change if they wanted to, and because it’s so comfortable for them, a lot of them don’t. And there is shame and blame to be attached individually there. I’m not holding your husband responsible for all the ills of the patriarchal society. But he can buy his own mother’s birthday card.