To say my DH/BIL/MIL are all taking a lend

[Everybodysdoormat]

My BIL and his partner aren't working atm. Both off on long term sick from very well paying jobs. Zero financial worries. Minimal mortgage. No DC or pets.

I work full time, more than 2 DC, numerous pets. Travel over and hour each way to work twice a week and 3 days working from home. Very busy job (which I love).

My MIL has recently moved in with us. Not my choice/my opinion was not considered. She has specific medical needs and is quite a handful. Can be quite nasty at times.

My DH wants MIL to live with/near us to protect his inheritance. His DB has form for disappearing jewellery, paintings etc when grandparents have passed on. MIL also favours him and has given him £++,+++ over the years for nothing in particular. She has given DH nothing.

My point is, it's me that's doing all the cooking, cleaning, entertaining, endless conversations over and over again. It's me paying for all the groceries (I earn about quarter what the others do). Spending all of my time with MIL. DH hides out in his study (sulking if I try to talk to him about it).

BIL is entertaining friends on FB (BBQ's, brunches etc) and generally having a carefree time (not sure how he's getting away with that one with his employer as there's clearly nothing wrong with him). I am bone tired, sick of everyone and loosing the will ... If I make it to next week it will be a miracle. It sounds like I'm being funny, but I'm not. I am sick to death.

I have used my voice. I have put my points across. I am ignored. The worst thing is MIL is constantly saying how BIL's life is so stressful. Not even joking 😔

AIBU to say BIL should pull his finger out of his arse and do his share? Or at the very least buy some damn groceries?

@Responsiveroo

Op

How do you feel about someone who wants to keep his mother close so as not to lose his inheritance?

I don't think that's his only reason. She has health issues so has valid reason in that respect. He does care for his DM. His BIL does have form for underhandedness as I already mentioned. I suspect the whole inheritance will be used for her future care anyway

You have avoided my question

How do you feel about being with someone who you in your OP state wants his mother close so as not to lose his inheritance?

How do you think I should feel? Is this a test? What is your point?

I don't really understand your comment about DH paying for MILs costs. Do you have separate finances - in which case it does feel as if you're being taken for a huge ride here MIL or not.

@Everybodysdoormat

How do you think I should feel? Is this a test? What is your point?

No test

Simple question

Because I can not relate to loving someone who openly wants his mother close so as no to lose his inheritance

@rookiemere

I don't really understand your comment about DH paying for MILs costs. Do you have separate finances - in which case it does feel as if you're being taken for a huge ride here MIL or not.

Usually it works out. We split all other costs proportionately.

My point is, it's me that's doing all the cooking, cleaning, entertaining

More fool you.

Make a stand, set a limit, draw a boundary, just get up from that doormat position and ROAR.

Ah
So you’re on board with his mercenary outlook clearly
Shudder

@Responsiveroo

Ah So you’re on board with his mercenary outlook clearly Shudder

What are you on about? No I'm not my on board with anything to do with the Will. I have no motivation regarding the will.

You have making some wild assumptions here - mock shudder

What a pointless thread.

I asked

How do you feel about being married to someone who wants his mother close to keep his inheritance safe.

But you refuse to answer
Indicating
You have no problem with it

@Responsiveroo

I asked

How do you feel about being married to someone who wants his mother close to keep his inheritance safe.

But you refuse to answer
Indicating
You have no problem with it

My lack of response to your trolling comment indicates nothing.

@Responsiveroo

I asked

How do you feel about being married to someone who wants his mother close to keep his inheritance safe.

But you refuse to answer
Indicating
You have no problem with it

Oh give over. OP has said her husband does care for his mother but is concerned his brother will take more than his fair share, I'm not sure how that's 'mercenary'. But even if OP's husband is a money grabbing scumbag it's none of your business how she feels about it.

* My DH wants MIL to live with/near us to protect his inheritance. *

I’ll bow out

@Responsiveroo

* My DH wants MIL to live with/near us to protect his inheritance. *

I’ll bow out

Cool

Good that you have stood your ground but make sure DH is still contributing equal amounts to household essentials, food and clothes for the children etc and not crying poverty due to paying for his mum.

@WinniesHunny that's offensive

OP,

Your husband is as selfish as his brother, both out to suit themselves, whilst using you.

You need protecting from the whole family.

Mind yourself before you get sick, from doing it all.

Hopefully he's cooking, cleaning and entertaining her for the next few weeks and apologised profusely for ignoring your wishes.

@billy1966

OP,

Your husband is as selfish as his brother, both out to suit themselves, whilst using you.

You need protecting from the whole family.

Mind yourself before you get sick, from doing it all.

Thank you

Doesn't BIL have equal responsibility to DH?

No. BiL doesn’t have equal responsibility for your current situation. Because the pressure being put on you is from your DH’s actions, not your BiL’s. The pressure on you is because your DH moved MiL in with you. BiL might be a lazy golden boy, but he hasn’t moved anyone into your home without your permission.

It’s your DH who has decided to take action that puts expectations on you, uses up resources that were previously available to you (your home) and coerces you into entertaining and feeding MiL by moving her in with you while he hides in the study and fails to shop for her or do any other of the work that is increased by her presence.

That is ALL down to DH.

Neither DH or BiL are obliged to look after MiL and there are many ways either or both of them could choose to do so. BiL being lazy doesn’t force DH to do more, and if DH actually had to do the work associated with looking after his MiL he might choose not to do it either. As it is, he’s done more to drop the work in your lap than BiL has done to push the work onto DH.

Great post @NumberTheory

The OP's waster husband could not have less respect for her.

She is clearly the house skivvy.

NO ONE who respected or loved you would move their mother in without consultation.

I really hope the OP gets that.

This is deal breaker stuff.