To suddenly be miserable that I’m no longer young

[Gotajobthrunepotism]

I’m 40! It feels like just yesterday I was young and a bit more pretty. Now I just feel old and past it.

I’m beginning to regret not doing things when I was younger. Like travelling the world... and going to more gigs

DH and I were at a gig recently for the first time in years... and it was just amazing to be out at night and in the city.

I just have this horrible feeling that my best days are in the past.

I should be grateful: I have a lovely husband and child. A nice house and an ok career (nothing high flying but it pays ok)

Ainu to be a bit sad about this ?

@WhatIfWhatIf book looks interesting, thanks.

Carpe diem.

I’m 61 shortly and have no surviving parents. In my head I am middle aged at most.

We are early 60s.....Still go to gigs ( 5 booked over the next 8 weeks), can do 10 mile hikes, we go all over the place seeing different things and trying new experiences!
I feel younger now than I did in my 40s...I'm much happier too.

I was dreading 40 then got cancer at 39 so it kind of put aging in to perspective. One of my close friends is 53 and by far the most youthful person I know. She lives life to the full - she's always at gigs, theatre, holidays, weekends away, out with friends, etc. I don't think she's ever at home! She has endless energy and interest in everything. It's made me realise that so much is down to your state of mind.

Oh yes and my sister in law is 57. Also bursting with energy and enthusiasm. She packs far more in to life than I do in my 40s. She's very youthful and fun.

Milestone birthdays are the pits. I’ve never had a good one. Can I cheer you up by telling you all the good things that happened after I was 40?

Met and married the love of my life
Bought our lovely old house
Hit my stride career wise with several promotions
Travelled far more
Made a new bunch of friends

Age is between you ears, don’t let your brain get old and you’ll be fine. I’m pondering on how to celebrate my 70th next year, I did a skydive for my 60th.

I felt similarly to you around turning 40. I'm nearly 42 now and actually have been really pleasantly surprised at how much I've been enjoying my 40's so far.

I let go of a lifelong friendship that I realised bought with it a lot of stress, that feels great! As the kids get older it's amazing seeing them develop into themselves. I'm looking forward to having more time to myself to do things I want as they get older. We still go to plenty of gigs.

I wonder how much of how we feel about ageing is affected by the (pretty much constant) messages from society about how as women, our value is in our looks and older (wiser) women just aren't valued. Unlike some other cultures.

I think this can have a big effect.

Yes @Blossomtoes that’s great to hear! As I said I’m 51, fit( Coughing and spluttering in bed at the mo though) and regularly go to gigs, walk miles with my dog, can still do 5k in around 30 mins, same as when 35. I work with a lady that is 12 years older and is my hero. I would tell her that as it would be patronising but honestly she has given me a different outlook on ageing. I agree, it’s all in your head.

I'm 42 this year. I was fine with turning 40, I didn't mind it at all but I feel like physically I've aged dramatically over the past two years. It's harder to maintain my weight, my skin is saggier and I've got aches and pains where I didn't before. Some of this might be peri menopause kicking in I think, which has really depressed me - I had three children between 35 and 39, so spent a long time pregnant and was hoping for a bit of a break from the hormonal rollercoaster before I even thought about menopause! I've never been a raving beauty but now I'm one of those invisible middle-aged women and it is depressing. In some ways I'm glad my children are young because I do think that helps me not feel so old.

My own mother was a grandmother at 48, she wasn't even an especially young mother or anything and neither was my brother (who had the grandchild) and I thought she was ancient at the time - and now I realise she was still fairly young. Or maybe it's me that's ancient?!?

There's also a thing about my next milestone birthday being 50...

Anyway, I get you OP. If the alternative is death then obviously getting old is a good thing, but I still feel sad for my lost youth.

*wouldn’t

I'm only saying YABU because I suddenly got this feeling very powerfully aged 57. 40 is still young. You still have your looks, your brains, your vitality. Please don't waste them thinking you are past it. You acn do anything you want at 40.

Also, I sadly lost my mum aged 74 but she was so youthful, always stylish with a young mindset. She used to say ‘some people were old when they were young’ about her peers that seemed to have got into that stereotypical way of thinking past 60. I think she was right. So, think young!

For me it's the lack of feeling sexy or being interested in men that is the big shocker. Was always very into it all up until I had children, then it dwindled, now it's dead. I wouldn't fancy me and I'd rather eat biscuits! I don't think men have added anything to my life so far and I have no interest in adding another one to it. That's weird. The idea that I'll be single forever. It's sort of freeing to not have to care, but it's sort of sad thinking I wasted sooo much time thinking they were the solution, when they really weren't. So in that sense I'm sad I'm not all young and hot still and having intense romantic flings and that that won't happen again. Have to look at life in a new way. New chapter.

You can’t say it won’t happen. Part of staying youthful is to keep an open mind.

@WhatIfWhatIf thanks so much for the 'Bolder' book recommendation - loved reading it & so refreshing to focus on that age group for a change too - inspiring! So inspiring, I've bought two other friends it too - here's to being Bolder as we grow older!

No point wasting time & energy being miserable about something you can't change.

Get older happens to nearly everyone - the ones it doesn't happen to are in a worse position.

Enjoy!

Youth is wasted on the young. Try to set some goals for your 40s, even if it's just 'go out x number of times a month'.

You feel old now @Gotajobthrunepotism just wait until you get your first grey pubic hairs!!

You go in the shower feeling ok and crawl out an old lady!

@lashingsofgingerbeer - so glad you enjoyed it!

It made me stop and think about things a bit differently. I definitely came away from it feeling I have so much more of my life still ahead of me rather than thinking I've had all the good bits already and all I have to look forward to is grey hair, wrinkles and misery!

I bought it for my friends too!

@MyBumjuiceSmellsofRoses very, very true! Lost a few friends who didn't even see the Big 50.
@WhatIfIWhatIf I'm very much always out to gigs, theatre, meals, taken up horse riding again too etc. Life is for living for sure and we're lucky to be able to do it. I have always tried to live life, but having a close shave with a viral infection a few years ago that nearly put pay to all that, I'm definitely trying to fit as much in mid-50's onwards now. The book Bolder was just so refreshing hearing the older generation's viewpoint and some real nuggets of wise advice to learn from them and not just all the young Instagram lifestyle stuff - totally refreshing! I follow an Instagram lady from Brighton who is in her 70's - a breath of fresh air!

I felt like that a couple of years ago and it was the first sign of perimenopause. Went away with treatment once I (eventually) worked out what was happening.