Page 4 | To suddenly be miserable that I’m no longer young

Gotajobthrunepotism · 2022-04-05T17:53:17+00:00

I’m 40! It feels like just yesterday I was young and a bit more pretty. Now I just feel old and past it. I’m beginning to regret not doing things when I was younger. Like travelling the world... and going to more gigs DH and I were at a gig recently for the first time in years... and it was just amazing to be out at night and in the city. I just have this horrible feeling that my best days are in the past. I should be grateful: I have a lovely husband and child. A nice house and an ok career (nothing high flying but it pays ok) Ainu to be a bit sad about this ?

TabithaHazel · 05/04/2022 21:53

I remember feeling really old when I turned 27- I am around the same age as you now and 27 is so young! One day when you are 68 you will look back and think 'I wish I was still as young as 40'. Who is to say your best years are not yet to come? Sorry to be morbid, but whenever I start to feel down about getting older, I always think of my old boyfriend who died when he was 31 and that always makes me grateful that I am here to be getting older.

custardcustardmorecustard · 05/04/2022 21:56

Im mid 40s and regret not doing so many things in my last 40 years. Now I have children, these things are not doable (eg moving abroad where they don't speak my language) . I wasted my youth with shitty guys. I've also got a little bit of debt too. I wish I could get rid of this debt to then start enjoying my salary but I'll be paying this debt off for the next 2 years

Charlize43 · 05/04/2022 22:07

How the hell are you going to cope when you hit 50?

I didn't even notice 40 going passed as I was too busy partying. Enjoy life and stop worrying about the numbers!

Narwhalelife · 05/04/2022 22:24

I had this when I turned 30, I’m 32 now and I suddenly felt really old. I think for my it was the fact my DC is 13! She seems so grown up I didn’t feel old enough but at the same time felt old to be able to have a 13 year old!

Sadly I also developed health anxiety to go with it, but getting there now and absolutely making the most of it🥰

Zerrin13 · 05/04/2022 22:31

Ageing is a privilege

DreamTheMoors · 05/04/2022 22:33

You’re going to be embarrassed when you look back at this post twenty years from now - that is, if you make it that far.

Notoironing · 05/04/2022 22:40

No the best is yet to come!

I like looking up people whose success came later in life. Just Google it and look on Wikipedia. It’s really surprising.

Also like watching my old favourites from my teenage years on YouTube still going strong. L7 at the Download festival 2018 is one of my favourites. Amazing!

SlB09 · 05/04/2022 22:46

I really feel this OP. I'm 39 soon and it's almost that thing of people look at you like your the grown up in the room, your not referred to as the 'young one' anymore, loose all sense of appropriate fashion, ageing parents, time massively speeding up, those skin changes urgh.

Yes it's a privelage to age and the wisdom etc that comes with it, I certainly don't yearn for youth as such I think for me it's almost like the actual reality of life and the passage of time has suddenly flicked on like a lights with in my brain and it's entering into another phase of life.

I have my health and hope to keep this and keep reminding myself I am young!!(& I do look young for my age) but it's certainly moving into a different part of life - basically I'm sure whereid life crisis is coined from!

ladyflower23 · 05/04/2022 23:08

I'm the same age as you and it sounds as though we have very similar lives. I have never felt as content in my life as I do right now. I feel so lucky and grateful for the life I now have. So I wouldn't want to go back in time really BUT I do look in the mirror and feel sad that I do look a bit old now and not as attractive as I once was. I also miss that feeling of 'this is my place in time' and everything felt new and life was full of possibility. But I wouldn't go back there (well maybe one last night out in 1999 in my 18 year old body would be good )

MrsPsmalls · 05/04/2022 23:11

If you are honestly sad about being older, then every single day from here on in is going to be worse and you are going to be more sad. Who can be bothered with that? Why not see today as the best day you have left as you are likely in the best shape and health of the rest of your life. Then tomorrow again will also be the best day of the rest of your life for the same reason.

Bunty55 · 05/04/2022 23:14

OMG OP I am in my sixties and still feel good. When I was in my forties I was smoking hot. Not so much now.......... but still healthy and happy.
Forty is young.

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/04/2022 23:15

I’m 38, 40 next year and feel the same!

Scarybutnecassary · 05/04/2022 23:17

I am not your Mum but you do need a kick up the arse !! You are 20 years younger than me and I am going to NZ , trip to Majorca and a festival in June …sort yourself out !! Oh and my Mum went to Phuket in her 70s and had her first spliff😂

Confusedteacher · 05/04/2022 23:19

You need to read I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron. Quotes include:

“Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-five.”

And

“Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.”

Scarybutnecassary · 05/04/2022 23:19

@Zerrin13

Ageing is a privilege

This 100%! Be thankful !

GooglyEyeballs · 05/04/2022 23:20

You're probably going to live until youre 100 so cheer up! You're not even halfway there yet. The 20s are overrated anyway imo. I'm 30 and while I'd love to have my 20 year old face and bod, I am much happier than when I was younger.

Juniper68 · 05/04/2022 23:24

I'm 53. I was a babe at 40. I still have loads of adventures but it's easier now dss are adults. Enjoy yourself it really is just a number. Imagine having poor health and not being able to go to gigs or even a walk.

Juniper68 · 05/04/2022 23:25

@Scarybutnecassary

I am not your Mum but you do need a kick up the arse !! You are 20 years younger than me and I am going to NZ , trip to Majorca and a festival in June …sort yourself out !! Oh and my Mum went to Phuket in her 70s and had her first spliff😂

I love your mum

garlicandsapphires · 05/04/2022 23:28

I’m also struggling with the looming big 4-Oh. It does feel like the end of youth and beginning of middle age. I’m trying to get my head round it and hope you do too OP.

poormee · 05/04/2022 23:31

I understand I'm 43, despite being relatively healthy I've developed middle age spread, greasy hair and oily make up rejecting skin! I settled down young as I didn't appreciate the freedom I had. I started to get a bit of a life back around 30 but then had another child. Now I would love to go out dancing but none of my friends want to anymore and my dh is a bit anti social too. When we do have nights out they aren't as fun as they were 10/15 years ago. My friends are really moany these days.

SouperNoodle · 05/04/2022 23:32

I've been feeling like this recently. I'm 32, married with kids, 3 stone heavier than I used to be and I look back at when I was free and prettier and think how great I had it without realising and what I could have done differently.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life now and appreciate everything and everyone I have in it. I'm always thanking my lucky stars for DH and our DDs but I can't shake the constant terrifying realisation that life is flying by and I have no control over it.

WhatIfWhatIf · 05/04/2022 23:52

Try reading this book ...

WhatIfWhatIf · 05/04/2022 23:55

With any luck you have many years ahead of you and you'll never again be as young as you are today! You don't want to look back in 20/30/40 years' time and regret not realising how young you still are...

I know it's really hard (I'm not far from 50) but we can choose how we look at ageing...

ThomasinaGallico · 06/04/2022 00:32

I am 54. I have had more than my share of these moments over the last few years. I do occasionally look back at old photos of myself and wish I could still look good in those dresses, but mainly I remind myself that health aside (and mostly, touch wood, I’ve been lucky so far) my youth wasn’t really all that. I spent an awful lot of time feeling lost and drifting in the nasty recession of the early 90s. Attractiveness (or such as I possessed ) meant sleazy types hitting on you. And there was always that uneasy feeling that I didn’t fit in to whatever social group I was hanging out with.

What I have come to realise is that there are two big liars in our heads: one is anticipation, full of unrealistic promises; the other is nostalgia, all rose tinted glasses. They are two faces of the same bad fairy. Look forward to things by all means. Look back with affection. But don’t forget to appreciate the here and now.

OnceMoreWithoutFeeling · 06/04/2022 07:05

@ThomasinaGallico

What I have come to realise is that there are two big liars in our heads: one is anticipation, full of unrealistic promises; the other is nostalgia, all rose tinted glasses. They are two faces of the same bad fairy

This is so bloody profound and is my mantra for today! Thank you. I have a terrible tendency to spend my present moment wondering what if and hoping for something better. But of course it was the hoping for something better that led to all the wondering what if!

I've never been bothered about getting older from a looks perspective. I'm 37 now and my body is starting to give me persistent aches and pains , so the main thing I wish is that I'd looked to my health earlier in life - but bollocks, I'll do it now! No better time. I also have a "one that got away" in the back of my mind always who occupies an unreasonable amount of my headspace at melancholy times - but if he hadn't got away, then those incredible, almost magic memories of our time would have been stitched into the prosaic humdrum of the everyday and lost their glow; I wouldn't have met my DP and gone through everything we have together; I wouldn't have my perfect daughters!

It's easy to feel like life has passed once you have kids I think, especially when they're small and your every waking moment basically is work, cooking or kids. But so much of what we'd like to do we either still can really (woman who wanted to go live abroad, do it! Take the kids! It'll broaden their minds and their life experience!), or we will be able to soon.

I've watched my parents go from struggling to juggle work, money and 4 kids when I was younger now living a life of genuine pleasure and luxury in their 50s and 60s. Ok they're boomers and it will be different for our generation but they still feel very much at the beginning of an adventure. They could have 30/40 more years if they look after themselves, almost as long as I've been alive!

Age isn't what it was. I think the most important thing for us to do (especially while we're stuck in doors most nights with young kids!) is take care of our health, improve our strength, and look after our brains, to extend the window post kids growing up/retirement where we can really enjoy and use the freedom.

OP start trying to think of it as "only 40". And think of all those people who look back on this slogging bit we're in now with young kids all nostalgic for when they were so little and dependant. We have to try and enjoy where we are now! Well that's what I'm going to do this morning anyway. I'll let you know where I'm at by lunchtime 😆