To suddenly be miserable that I’m no longer young

[Gotajobthrunepotism]

I’m 40! It feels like just yesterday I was young and a bit more pretty. Now I just feel old and past it.

I’m beginning to regret not doing things when I was younger. Like travelling the world... and going to more gigs

DH and I were at a gig recently for the first time in years... and it was just amazing to be out at night and in the city.

I just have this horrible feeling that my best days are in the past.

I should be grateful: I have a lovely husband and child. A nice house and an ok career (nothing high flying but it pays ok)

Ainu to be a bit sad about this ?

I completely understand this OP. I’m also recently 40 and have young DC and have a real sense at the moment of life getting inexorably less fun, less free, less exciting. Probably self-indulgent and excessively melancholic, but it’s how I feel.

@AbsentmindedWoman

I have a fabulous life now compared to then and I don’t give a fuck what other people think about me (must be a connection there!)

This only works if you have actually got a fabulous life, though. It sounds like you are very content on many fronts.

I'm really lucky in many ways, but my life has not turned out like I hoped.

What is a fabulous life? I think it's being able to see the fabulousness of the small things. So most people have a fabulous life, really, unless they choose to get hung up on things like relationships and money.

Somebody very close to me is 41 and dying of cancer.
Don't waste time thinking about what you could have done in your first 40 years of life, use it to plan what happens next......none of us know how long we have.
Don't take your life for granted.

Sorry, but try being 65, newly disabled, abandoned by your partner because of it, and with no kids and no siblings.

Count your blessings.

But I still voted YANBU because you are entitled to your feelings.

@Maskless. I’m sending love. And really hope you get better x

Honestly don’t waste your life thinking like this, book some more gigs, enjoy being 40.
For me like has got more fun as I’ve got older, I’m
53 now and doing lots of lovely things.

I think sometimes these feelings wash over us...and it's hard to rationalise our way out of them, but they pass

I feel like it's more of a deluge at the moment - 52 and feeling the accumulation of the last 2 years. Tired of being an adult...which I don't seem to be great at (fucking about being an idiot as a youth...now that I was brilliant at!)

Ah well, fingers crossed this too will pass and I'll get some chutzpah back.

I think the 0 birthdays make you feel a bit like this OP because they are landmark birthdays. As others have said you will look back at 40 and realise it isn't that old! My eldest DC has just turned 40, now that does make you feel old. And also grateful. Hope you enjoy many more gigs.

Honestly OP, you will look back and realise that 40 is still young. Trust me.

Go to more gigs!

I'm 38 and feel so young! Like the whole world is ahead of me - maybe I'm deluded 😅 Or maybe something will snap when I turn 40.

Same here but I’m having a fantastic time, never happier! It all comes down to expectations and where you are in life compared to where you want to be.

In 20 years time you will wish you were 40 and looked and felt it too.

I hit 60 3 months ago and for the first time in my life I feel old and have far more morbid thoughts. I’m determined to stop feeling like this so am setting some objectives for this year of losing 3 stone and passing my driving test!! I love a good gig OP , so go to more!!

My husband died suddenly in his early 40s. We never for a second thought he had less than two years left to live when we celebrated his 40th birthday. You have to try and make every day count,

OP, you can either spend your time being melancholy and risk turning into a fun sponge who no one wants to spend time with (I'm looking at you SIL and DGrannie) or you can realise that this is where you are in your journey through life and make plans for the future.
Be grateful for the little things in everyday.
Spend time making yourself and others happy.
I'm mid 50s, enrolled on a masters, looking forward to building my career now my DC have grown up.
What makes you happy? Do that!

My 40s were absolutely my best decade! I'm 57 now and I'd love to be 40 again. Really make the most of it, it honestly goes by so fast. Enjoy your life, travel if you can, and appreciate your parents, mine are gone now and both had years of incapacitation in their last few years from dementia/stroke.

This is the best time of my life, I wouldn’t want to be young again. My youth was filled with doing what was expected, putting everyone else first, feeling guilty, worrying what people thought of me, staying in jobs I wasn’t happy in because I lacked belief in myself and not enjoying moments I should have been enjoying.
Now I have excellent boundaries, amazing friends, a job I love, I make no apologies for being myself, I go to gigs and shows, I go to places that interest me and go alone without thought, I say no and don’t get guilted in to anything.
Today I told a man that if he wanted to see me he’d make it happen and I’m not going to be fucked around, my young self would probably have had days of angst trying to figure him out!
I do no tolerate bullshit.

Why can’t you travel and go to gigs now? I’m in my early thirties - I have two kids who keep me occupied most of the time - my colleague who is in her early 50s is always going to gigs and shows and travelling around. I think at 40 I might miss my younger body slightly because I honestly do like looking you, but I expect I’ll get over that. Otherwise I don’t see how turning 40 or even 50 means you can’t have fun and do what you want.

I'm 32 and I'm fucked..like really fucked. Can barely walk anymore. Hopefully joint replacement surgeries will help me become more mobile but I've wasted so much life just being fed up and in pain. I just hope I get to 40 without being stuck in my wheelchair for good

If you're still in good health take your life in your own hands and do the stuff others can't. Don't take anything for granted.

If you have a good menopause life is easier, my 40s from 45, crap menopause wise.
50s ok, I just look forward to the next chapter, life no dress rehearsal!
No point in having major regrets

I know what you mean as I’m fast approaching 40. I look back at my 20s and wish I hadn’t been so self-conscious, I was actually quite attractive and should have made the most of it!

@Candleabra I’m so sorry for your loss. X

I should point out the reason not too many gigs or travelling is that we’ve got young child: so we’ve not been on many nights out (especially the last couple
Of years). Not that I really miss drinking alcohol to be honest.

Cheer up! You’re only 40, life is not over yet. I’ve lived in three different countries since I was 40. An old school friend gave up her job at 50 and started her own business doing something she’d always dreamed of and did very well at it. Take the holidays, go to the gigs.

I'm 46..and hated turning 40 too. Now I feel 40 is young and I don't feel the sense of loss over aging I did then.
I think any birthday can be hard, I remember hating turning 13🤣.

Hope these replies are giving you perspective and making you feel better because it's a horrible feeling.