Friend says I’m just in the honeymoon period AIBU

[Salmabub]

DP and I are in our late 30s and have been together for around a year and a half. We moved in together just before our 1 year ‘anniversary’. Prior to meeting one another we’d both had numerous long term relationships and had both been married, so by the time we met we both knew exactly what we did and didn’t want from a partner/relationship.

We both feel that the relationship is genuinely like a breath of fresh air and completely different to any relationship either of us have been in before. We don’t argue, but calmly talk through any rare disagreement we have and appreciate and understand each others point of view. Everything house work related is shared evenly with no complaints or nagging, we respect and support each other with everything and most importantly we just love each other’s company and being around one another.

Caught up with a friend for a coffee the other day and she had asked about the relationship, so I’d essentially told her the above. Father than be happy for me, my friend claimed that all relationships are this easy at the start and I’m just in the honeymoon period, soon it’ll be boring and stagnant and the arguments will begin. In my experience, I’ve always started to see the negative traits in partners by at least 6-12 months and various red flags, so I feel any major issues would have already presented themselves by now. Friend says I’m deluded! AIBU?! Would be interested to know how long your “honeymoon period” lasted, or did it never finish?!

She sounds jealous. We’ve been married 27 years . Moved in together after 3 weeks. Still very much in love, enjoy each other’s company and rarely argue. Don’t give it another thought x

It sounds like she may be jealous to me…

She sounds jealous. Not sure why she can’t just be happy for you. FWIW we sound very similar and feel exactly the same down the line, married 6 years, got a toddler, DH’s older two are nearly teens. We’ve had work stress, family stress, serious illness, lots of issues getting DD but it’s all brought us closer and the honeymoon feeling is still here. Travel hopefully, it sounds like a really good relationship.

Well I've been with husband for nearly 13 years. We married a year in and I still get butterflies when he's due home or when I'm due home.

Can't complain like.

She's jealous. If she's got low standards when it comes to relationships, then that's not your problem.

Meeting my Husband was like this. I think when you have been in negative relationships, you can clearly see and feel when you are in a positive one. All house jobs are just done as they’re needed.
We also have never really argued. We prioritise the relationship over ‘being right’, and disagreements are dealt with by talking, seeing the other’s side, or a compromise. We have been together for 5 years, and still love each other’s company.

Ignore the friend, enjoy your happiness.

It doesn't really matter whether she's right - why would a 'friend' be so determined to shit on your happiness?

I've someone who likes to say this to me too (I've been with my partner for 3 years). She was particularly fond of saying it when she'd ask how we were getting along during lockdowns, and I'd tell her we got on fine. Her own relationship is miserable so I guess it's projection.

DP's parents are married 35 years and still get along so well - they have a very happy and calm marriage. Good relationship does not automatically equal "honeymoon period"!

Me and DH have been married for 4 years and together for nearly 10 (were in our late twenties/early 30’s) and our relationship is how you described yours above and has been since day one. We genuinely love and respect each other, love being together but give each other time apart when needed. If you asked either of us we would both say the same. We also support each other equally with housework/raising our children etc. It all just works!

Does your friend know your DP well? And know him better than you do?

If not I’d completely disregard her comments. YANBU. Please don’t overthink anything negative she’s said. I agree with PPs she could be jealous and this is her way of getting her insecurities out by projecting them on you.

O and we also fancy the pants off each other which also helps!

YANBU at all.

This is exactly what it was like for me when I met my DP. We'd been together just over a year when we moved in together, I think. I remember my mum saying how happy I seemed when I met him, and I said to her 'I had no idea that a relationship could actually be like this.' After previous long term relationships I'd thought that loads of conflict and disagreements over petty stuff were just the norm. It was only when I met my DP that I realised it doesn't have to be like that. For him, his previous long-term partner had essentially tried to mould him into a completely different person, and then when that didn't work she had an affair, so DP was genuinely quite amazed at the idea of a relationship where he could just be himself and where that would be enough.

Anyway - the upshot is that we've now been together for 19 years and it's still a very happy and harmonious relationship and we both thank our lucky stars that we found each other.

I agree that you'd have seen red flags by now, if there were any issues - your friend is being a massive twat.

We're still in the honeymoon period 54 years on.

She sounds miserable.

maras2 Thats so lovely! We saw a older couple holding hands just so sweet.

You know your friend and if she sounded jealous or is just a negative person....however I think 2 years is more likely a realistic timeframe and perhaps some outside pressures, such as family, money, illness.

I would also say it's much more positive if you both know why previous marriages happened and subsequently broke down. Also if you can be vulnerable with each other.

However I think 2 easy going, emotional healthy people meeting can do just fine!

Some friend. She sounds vile. Toxic, spiteful, and jealous. I would be giving her a wide berth tbh.

She is NOT happy for you.

If you find the right person the honeymoon period never ends! She sounds jealous!

20 years in and we still hold hands in the street

DH and I met and married within a year, had ds the following year and still married 23 years later. He was the one, may have been too quick for some but we are still together!!

3 years down the line, we are still in our ‘honeymoon period’ and couldn’t be happier. Both had long term marriages before this, and know what we do and don’t want from a relationship now, particularly with 5 children between us! We are very similar, but different in some key ways too, and I hope it’s like this forever.

She’s jealous.

We’re 17 years in and are still like that.

Honeymoon period might end but it doesn’t mean it’s awful, just different with a great foundations to build on.

She’s jealous and cynical.

I’ve been with my husband since I was 17.

Still madly in love, still fancy the pants of him, sex is even better these days!!

Enjoy your new partner.

@FlissyPaps

Does your friend know your DP well? And know him better than you do?

If not I’d completely disregard her comments. YANBU. Please don’t overthink anything negative she’s said. I agree with PPs she could be jealous and this is her way of getting her insecurities out by projecting them on you.

No she doesn’t no DP other than having met him through me, a couple of times.