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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend says I’m just in the honeymoon period AIBU

83 replies

Salmabub · 05/04/2022 13:49

DP and I are in our late 30s and have been together for around a year and a half. We moved in together just before our 1 year ‘anniversary’. Prior to meeting one another we’d both had numerous long term relationships and had both been married, so by the time we met we both knew exactly what we did and didn’t want from a partner/relationship.

We both feel that the relationship is genuinely like a breath of fresh air and completely different to any relationship either of us have been in before. We don’t argue, but calmly talk through any rare disagreement we have and appreciate and understand each others point of view. Everything house work related is shared evenly with no complaints or nagging, we respect and support each other with everything and most importantly we just love each other’s company and being around one another.

Caught up with a friend for a coffee the other day and she had asked about the relationship, so I’d essentially told her the above. Father than be happy for me, my friend claimed that all relationships are this easy at the start and I’m just in the honeymoon period, soon it’ll be boring and stagnant and the arguments will begin. In my experience, I’ve always started to see the negative traits in partners by at least 6-12 months and various red flags, so I feel any major issues would have already presented themselves by now. Friend says I’m deluded! AIBU?! Confused Would be interested to know how long your “honeymoon period” lasted, or did it never finish?!

OP posts:
Discountclaimed · 05/04/2022 15:34

I think you have a more balanced and realistic view of what makes a good ltr and you are both a good fit for each other.

You are not chasing lust, and you’ve had multiple relationships. You might be in the “honeymoon” period in terms of relief and gratitude that he’s not as bad as others, but when you click with someone you can both feel it.

babyjellyfish · 05/04/2022 15:36

She sounds jealous. You might be in the honeymoon phase, but that doesn't mean it won't work out. I tend to agree that you can usually spot red flags in the first year.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/04/2022 15:40

@DysmalRadius

It doesn't really matter whether she's right - why would a 'friend' be so determined to shit on your happiness?
Yeah was going to say the same, even if that's what she thinks why would someone who's supposed to like and care about you say that? What purpose does it serve?
Seleniummillenium · 05/04/2022 15:45

I’ve been married 25 years and it’s always been like you’ve described. He’s an absolute cracker of a man.

Lubeyboobyalt · 05/04/2022 15:48

yanbu - been in the same situation with my DP, both of us having had long previous relationships, in my case abusive exh

been together 9 years now and still never argued, we talk sensibly and respect each other, are kind and thoughtful to each other, nothing is stale, it's lovely

fionaapple · 05/04/2022 15:51

She sounds bitter and jealous - probably projecting. Enjoy your lovely relationship. Some lovely stories on here Blush

Hope90x · 05/04/2022 15:59

She sounds jealous, or perhaps bitter.

Have been with my DH for 4 years (still early days for some, I know) and he still gives me all the flutters Blush
Just yesterday we were collecting my car from the mechanic and as I was watching him walk towards the garage I found myself smirking at how he still makes me feel like a teenager with a crush.
As much as I find him bone-jumpingly attractive, it's his kind heart, thoughtfulness and ability to communicate that makes me love him.
Everyone has different experiences of relationships OP, just enjoy yours as you find it and don't give her a second thought x

HellToTheNope · 05/04/2022 16:02

My honeymoon period has lasted 25+ years. Ignore your friend.

milkyaqua · 05/04/2022 16:04

soon it’ll be boring and stagnant

What a cow! Don't listen to her.

PinkSyCo · 05/04/2022 16:08

I think your friend’s wrong in that it’s quite unusual not to have argued at all 18 months into a relationship, but right to say it’s still early days to say you will never get bored of each other.

ComDummings · 05/04/2022 16:10

That’s nice you’re so happy, maybe it was a touch of the green eyed monster? I’ve been with my DH 10 years and have always found or relationship very easy and would still say we are in our honeymoon phase, even after 2 children Smile

Rosehugger · 05/04/2022 16:13

Probably two years, but I could definitely see faults and all the real stuff after a year. And DH mine, presumably.

Rosehugger · 05/04/2022 16:16

He was definitely farting in bed by then, put it that way Hmm

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2022 16:20

She sounds jealous and unhappy.

You sound smug and tone deaf.

Must've been a great coffee date!

ihavespoken · 05/04/2022 16:22

YANBU - my husband moved in with me 3 months after we met - 12 years on and I am still just as happy :)

Sunnytwobridges · 05/04/2022 17:17

I hate to say it but she sounds jealous.

Sillyotter · 05/04/2022 17:52

I’ve been with my OH almost the same amount of time. We moved in together 3 months in and still blissfully happy and keep saying how we both feel so lucky to have found each other. This is my first serious adult relationship and I was surprised that I was so sure so soon (normally very cautious) but it just felt right. When you know you know. Ignore her.

JustPlainKnackered · 05/04/2022 17:59

She probably hadn't credited how seriously you would take it, lots of people make cracks about things like that, it doesn't mean she was jealous of you or that her relationship is anywhere near as bad as she might be implying with a crack like that. I'd try not to take yourself so seriously, this really isn't a big deal.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/04/2022 22:20

You sound smug and tone deaf

That's unfair. The friend asked about the relationship.

NandorTheRelentlessCleaner · 05/04/2022 22:25

Just enjoy it

She u it a right that it does not last, as live throws things at you over time, redundancies, sicknesses, elderly parents needing care, babies, all kinds of life events will test that equilibrium

But it's essential to have that flying start, so you know what to aim for when you get thrown off balance

Enjoy it, things will change but good times always come back again

ManateeFair · 05/04/2022 23:16

@Easterisoffeggstooexpensive

Look into limerance op...
Oh FFS, this has absolutely nothing to do with bloody limerence. It’s literally just a normal happy relationship.
whenwilliwillibefamous · 05/04/2022 23:20

We're still happy. Over 3 decades in.

Sometimes people do just get on.

Though tbh it is a lot easier to get on when you're not wading through a sea of stress and bad fortune; be sure to get an idea of what your OH is like when things all go to hell, before committing...

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2022 23:33

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

You sound smug and tone deaf

That's unfair. The friend asked about the relationship.

Yeah and I’m sure she didn’t ask for a nauseating snooze fest about it. God it sounds absolutely insufferable.

And yes, I’m in a really happy 9 year relationship thanks. I certainly wouldn’t be rubbing any friend’s nose in it.

k1233 · 05/04/2022 23:51

Not everyone in relationships argues. I never argue. I'll discuss issues calmly, but never argue. If anyone raises their voice at me, they're very close to being kicked to the kerb. I will not tolerate being yelled at.

Totalwasteofpaper · 06/04/2022 03:38

I could have written this a few yrars back

She was jealous and eded up gettig drunk and hitting on him. She is an exfriend.
He is now my DH and we have a child together