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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have you ever had to leave a job you love because of a manager?

82 replies

BlossomLake · 04/04/2022 16:18

Aibu to leave a job I love and pays me well because my manger is awful. He constantly finds fault in everything I do. Nothing is ever good enough. I'm exhausted.

Words of wisdom and advice appreciated

OP posts:

Original poster

BlossomLake · 04/04/2022 16:20

I've had to do this before and don't want to have to give up something I love again.

OP posts:

AnxiousHeffalump · 04/04/2022 16:22

I’m in that situation right now, but struggling to find a new position. It’s awful and it’s destroying me.

Original poster

BlossomLake · 04/04/2022 16:24

I'm so sorry PP. it's awful. I want to do well but not at the detriment of my health.

OP posts:

ExConstance · 04/04/2022 16:25

I nearly did. I worked for a micro managing sad individual who lived to criticise other people. I nearly resigned on many occasions and kept a folder of all her transgressions in readiness for a formal grievance. Eventually she was moved sideways and downwards a little and i no longer have to have much to do with her, my working life has been transformed in a positive way since then.

Babyroobs · 04/04/2022 16:29

Yes I did recently. It was working for a charity. He repeatedly did not address problems in the team and in my opinion let vulnerable people not get the advice they should have done. I also thought he used his time paid for by money donated to the charity on things that were not the objectives of the charity, so I felt this was misuse of funds. After repeatedly expressing my concerns over 2 years and nothing being addressed I decided things were never going to change and quit. I absolutely loved the job.

yellowsuninthesky · 04/04/2022 16:32

I did. But I held on for a pay-out from the company. That was 10 years ago. I am in a much better job now. Similar situation, micromanaging boss who found fault with everything.

It will get better for you

Lou98 · 04/04/2022 16:33

I did a year and a half ago now. The job itself I loved but I hated the company and more so, my manager.

She hadn't had any manager training (as we were told by the manager above her), the way she spoke to people and about people was horrendous and extremely unprofessional! She didn't have a nice word to say about anybody behind their backs. She'd already had multiple staff leave and cite the reason as they felt bullied by her and it was damaging their mental health. The company itself though has a very high turnover of staff and a high number of people off on sick leave due to MH issues as it's a very toxic environment.

Leaving was the best thing I did, I was so glad when I could tell her straight that I wasn't going to put up with her talking to me the way she feels she's entitled to talk to everyone

FrenchyQ · 04/04/2022 16:34

Yes I did last year, my manager never listened and never gave a crap about the well-being of her staff. I'm now doing a job I don't really enjoy.

Lunar27 · 04/04/2022 16:34

If it's any consolation, IME people rarely leave a job because they don't like the job.

Mostly people leave because of the management.

I've done it countless times to the point where I first went contracting and now run my own business.

Sad as it is, you really need to walk, to save your sanity but there'll be other jobs you'll love and better managers.

Best of luck!

mumonthehill · 04/04/2022 16:37

Exactly the same situation as babyroobs, 18 months in a charity with a manager who belittled his entire team, never did anything supportive or proactive. Issues raised repeatedly with CEO but they let him get away with it. Entire team resigned in the space of 5 months. I loved the job but could not work with him and went on to get a much better role in a much more supportive and progressive charity. Resigning was the best thing I ever did.

Nightlystroll · 04/04/2022 16:38

I did. My manager was the best ever and when he left, it showed just how knowledgeable he was and how much pressure he took on his shoulders to protect us. His replacement was really nice but just totally disorganised and inept. Then I started to get the blame from our superiors that I wasn't helping her enough. Despite the fact every time I offered, she told me she'd rather do it herself. Before dumping it on my desk two days before the deadline.
Company got restructured and I managed to get out on VR. I'd still be there if my boss hadn't moved. As would most of the team who left as well.

HollaHolla · 04/04/2022 16:41

My current role. I love my job, and I'm bloody good at it.
My Manager and I hate each other, and she makes my life miserable.
I think I'm going to have to move to another job.

TangledNemo · 04/04/2022 16:47

I have the perfect on paper job for me. Small casual office with some great colleagues, a 5 minute commute so I can go home during lunch and break times, and exposure to different areas of the business so no chance of getting bored. On the other hand, the man running the company is a control freak and very hard to work with. We have quite high turnover of staff because people don’t want to deal with him or the family drama his sons bring. He can also be very stingy with pay rises. I’ve stuck it out so far because I needed to show I could hold a job for longer than a year (plus redundancy pay) but I definitely need to leave asap.

Hillarious · 04/04/2022 16:48

I could have, but haven't. We have a manager with zero managerial experience. Her style ranges from micro-managing to schmoozing individuals to get things done, everyone working in isolation and no-one knowing what is going on in the organisation, outside our office. She's now reaching the point where she has no staff to schmooze and is isolating herself. Meanwhile, the majority of her staff are waiting around for retirement, so aren't going anywhere just yet. Hold on in there, OP!

Williamshatnershorses · 04/04/2022 16:51

Yes, should have done it sooner too as it has wrecked my self confidence.

smellslikelemons · 04/04/2022 16:52

I nearly did, but thankfully it was avoided. I had been working at a charity for a few years and when my manager moved role a new one was hired. He was the most difficult person I've ever worked with, a complete micro manager (he would reply to my emails asking me to spot the mistake I had made), he changed my job description within the first 2 weeks without bothering to even discuss it with me, he interfered constantly to the point where it was impossible for me to do any part of my job.

I was the only person he directly line managed so felt quite isolated and didn't want to rock the boat (I worked remotely and didn't know really how he was received by others in the office). Then, during our monthly catch up meeting I dared to bring up that I was finding it difficult that my job description had changed so unexpectedly. He proceeded to shout at me for a good 15 minutes down the phone. I was shaking afterwards. After that I finally plucked up the courage to say something to the manager above him, as by that point I was ready to leave. It turns out I wasn't the only one, nearly everyone had complained about his behaviour and he was gone a few months later. He blamed me completely and made things as difficult as possible for me on his departure, but eventually he was gone and replaced by a lovely new manager who I met during the recruitment process.

I know this is probably unhelpful, but just to say, I've been there, and had he not gone I would have walked out of the door, nothing is worth being belittled daily by a bad manager. Before walking though, is going to someone else more senior in the organisation to discuss your concerns an option?

malificent7 · 04/04/2022 16:54

Not yet...watch this space though

Routinepristine · 04/04/2022 17:02

Yes . Was a social worker under a manager who was honestly , one of the most dangerous , reckless person I have ever worked with. I and several other members of staff complained about her and nothing was done. I knew it was only a matter of time before something very serious would happen on her watch and I couldn't have lived with myself ,knowing I could have prevented it. So I left - went off on the sick and moved . Several very serious things did occur that affected very disavantaged and vulnerable children and there families due to her and thankfully,it was due to the skill, competence and good bloody professional judgement of past former colleagues that it didn't become more serious. She was early retired off , with a big pension.
OP, get out while you can !!

MedusasBadHairDay · 04/04/2022 17:06

Yep. It all worked out in the end though, I'm now in a job I love with a great manager, and the company with the awful manager is long gone (and I hope he really struggled to find a new job when they went under)

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 04/04/2022 17:08

Yes - managed to get a payout though by playing it carefully. It was very stressful and unfair. That manager forced another colleague to resign and almost suffer a breakdown. My replacement did have a breakdown. As far as I can tell my (then) manager doesn't have anyone reporting to her now, but she remains in the company in highly paid role.

It was quite useful in a way because it helped me to seek an explanation for my odd working habits and I now have an ADHD diagnosis. Not that being diagnosed has really helped - but it's help me accept myself a bit more.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 04/04/2022 17:10

Yes I’ve had a couple of managers weak management, will not fight your corner, take credit for your work , micro managers and just plain annoying.As people say you don’t leave a job you leave a manager .
I currently have a lovely manager I’d say my best ever firm but fair , knows what she’s doing and gives credit where credit due . She’s planning on retiring at some point and I fear someone on the team more senior will get her role . I will not work for her she’s lazy , micro managing , likes to find fault in anything you do and is a complete hypocrite. She becomes manager I’m out .

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 04/04/2022 17:11

I applied for internal progression opportunities in different team and ended up being their manager😀

Are there any opportunities for development you could take with the company you are at?

Original poster

BlossomLake · 04/04/2022 22:14

Thank you all and to those also going through it. My mental health is really taking a dip.

OP posts:

Sundancerintherain · 04/04/2022 22:18

Yes.
Best decision I ever made.

Cocodreams · 04/04/2022 22:21

The MD of a tiny company that the temp agency placed me with turned out to be a micromanager of the worst kind. I stupidly took a permanent role there and left 14 months later as I couldn’t bear it any longer.

I think too many ‘managers’ are promoted into these roles but have little or no people management training or skills. Some enjoy the power trip. Most companies just won’t address the issue as long as the work is getting done so it’s usually up to the employee to leave.

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