Have you ever had to leave a job you love because of a manager?

[BlossomLake]

Aibu to leave a job I love and pays me well because my manger is awful. He constantly finds fault in everything I do. Nothing is ever good enough. I'm exhausted.

Words of wisdom and advice appreciated

I did almost a year ago. I tried hard for 5 years, but nothing changed, no one senior to manager would listen to what was going on, it has been ignored for years, so not going to change. They have lost many staff due to manager, but still nothing gets done.

Best thing I did.

Currently working my notice for that reason - they aren't a bad manager per se but are taking my role down a route where I will stagnate very quickly in a project which is progressing like a sloth through quicksand. As the project is his big wheel inventing idea he's been a bit closed off to criticism/suggestions for improvements.

It's a pain as it's a good job, good people and still mainly a good company despite it becoming a bit scattered due to incredible growth. I just couldn't see the end of this project and don't have 20+ years left dreading a meeting request pop up regularly re the project.

I am about to. I love my job and am so good at it but my manager overlooks errors by others and makes the rectification of those errors my problems. Other colleagues now don't talk to me because i am the one who finds the errors. It's now been years and i can't cope.

Yes, I was in a senior role with a micromanaging CEO who had created a culture of micromanagement throughout the organisation. I got fed up of having to run every email i sent through every person in the organisation and it slowly destroyed my confidence

I am in the situation now, its destroying me, i am anxious and feel sick at the thought of going to work. I need to leave but cant find another job. Its soul destroying.

@ThankyouwithacapitalR if your manager is happy to overlook the errors of others and if pointing them out is making you unpopular and generating extra work for yourself to correct them, what would be the impact if you stopped pointing out the errors?

Yes, I left my last job because of this. My manager was awful, not just to me but to all the staff. Picking fault in everything, nothing anyone did was right, even if it was the same way you'd been doing it for the last 5 years, it suddenly became wrong. Bitching about staff to other members of staff, playing everyone off against each other. It was horrible, she was reported loads of times, but higher management loved her and made it clear they didn't believe us.

I left about 10 months ago, and it was the best decision I've ever made. It was a hard choice to make, as I didn't want to give up on the job I loved, and I loved all my colleagues, but sometimes you have to put yourself first.

Yes have done it twice. Last role the she was an ok person I think but just a nightmare at managing people really patronising and condescending. Also due to her inexperience she resorted to micromanagement. I think as a manager as much as you have a style you have to adapt and flex it according to the situation/person. Certain situations require a level of autocracy and others more collaborative decision making. I do think she was doing the bidding of the manager above her who was a bitch which is why although I felt sorry for her I didn't dislike her.

I had one manager who was great, however the actual job was awful. We both left as the working conditions were intolerable.

Yep. He was an absolute bully but other people had made complaints and had nothing back in response / actually out themselves in the firing line so it became clear that the company approved of his methods and ethos and so I decided it was no longer tenable to work there.

I’m in this position at the moment. I feel my manager picks on me. She’s constantly correcting me on things the rest of the team get away with, other team members are often congratulated for things and I’m never. It doesn’t really constitute as bullying per se but it’s very very obvious she doesn’t like me, even though I know I’m good at my job. I’m going to have to leave because it’s affecting my mental health so badly, sometimes she makes me feel like a schoolchild with the way I’m talked down to. Because I’m in the civil service I can quite easily move to another team though so it shouldn’t feel like a massive upheaval but I find the whole recruitment process very overwhelming and have been putting it off for months now.

There is a great book available on Amazon called “The Pocket Psychopath.” It’s tiny, and a really informative read that will help crystallize your intention. It makes you decide if it’s worth the battle or not.

Yes many times. You need to leave before you believe you are crap at everything and you have no confidence to get a new job. A fair proportion of managers spend their time slagging off everyone else to make themselves look great

Yes. Best job I ever had with the best prospects. I know this sounds big headed, but truthfully, I did it so well 😕, it still makes me sad...
My, manager was having an affair with her/our 'big' boss, (only 5 people in dept'). Their had been financial mismanagement and extraordinary levels of corruption as well as breath-taking laziness on her part and abuse of her position over me. Once she knew I knew where the bodies were buried, and he knew I knew I knew too, they did their absolute best to slander me and manage me out. For about a year it made me physically sick- even my kids were begging me to leave. I managed to get a position sideways in the wider institution, not a good fit, but somewhere to go, and left. They even approached my new boss to say he shouldn't employ me and when that didn't work, the big, BIG boss to try and bar me from even coming on site. That didn't work either, because, as I knew, I had done. nothing. wrong.
It was excruciating and tbh, I hung on for a couple of years but it truly crushed me. I've never really recovered.

I have. I worked at a University and left without a job because I was so mentally done I couldn't possibly sit in an interview and speak positively about the job. I eventually got a part time job 5 months later but now am not fit to work due to health - I believe all my health problems were triggered by the stress of what happened in the job I left. I took out a grievance which made things 100% worse as then I had to deal with my manager's incompetent manager and HR who were useless. It went from bullying to mobbing. No one cared, they just piled on. Some days I regret it and wish I had just gone on sick leave then left, other days I wish I had fought even harder. It was 6 years ago and I'm still not over it. I was offered a small pay out (3 months wages tax free) but refused it as I had to sign a gagging order and there was no way they were going to prevent me from talking about my experience. I remember going to the job centre for a meeting about my CV and telling the woman a few minor details and she told me the story deserved to be on panorama or dispatches! I had told her about 5% of it but felt so validated for the first time since it had all started.

OP do everything you can to take care of yourself while you figure out what you are going to do.

Yes. Enjoyed my work but my boss was an egomaniac and all around unhinged. I held on as long as I could but it was hell and I was miserable.

@CoralPaperweight

Yes many times. You need to leave before you believe you are crap at everything and you have no confidence to get a new job. A fair proportion of managers spend their time slagging off everyone else to make themselves look great

Agree^ it's been over a year for me and I still think I'm at risk of getting sacked for being useless all because of one boss who made me feel like the most pathetic person ever

People mostly leave jobs because of bad management.

If you've told yourself you've left because of pay that's bad management.
If it's because of company culture... that's bad management.
If it's because of a poor work life balance... bad management.

Someone once told me that people don't leave jobs, they leave managers. And I think that with obvious exceptions (leaving because you want to become a SAHP, you're relocating, you're sick etc) it's almost always true.

Sorry your manager is such a tool. You deserve better!xxx

Oh absolutely and more than once.

I leave because of bad managers not bad jobs.

I did. I was crying in the shower in the morning before work.
It just couldn't go on.

It worked out in the end, took a sideways move for three years got my confidence back, added new skills and now I earn heaps more and don't take any shit.

I'm genuinely concerned that they're right and I'm not performing

I never loved mine but am now hating it because of this exact scenario. I'm on lunch break now and want to cry at the thought of going back in.

The decision was taken from me, but I wish I had.
We had a connection from decades before and I knew she had a very colourful past. Although I maintained total discretion I guess it made me a particular target, although she bullied and manipulated most of the staff with the exception of her 'favourites' over whom she would gush shamelessly.
She put me in dangerous situations a few times and inevitably I was injured and had to retire early with compensation.
In the period leading to my retirement it was clear her senior managers were not supporting her after several other formal complaints were made by staff and her emotional instability led to her taking extended sick leave herself. It was still a shock to learn of her suicide though.

She was promoted above her emotional capabilities which turned out to be a calamity for the staff and a fatal outcome for her.

As I see it, senior managers created a monster, then eliminated it when they couldn't control it, leaving other casualties along the way.

I always feel that certain types become bad managers....those who were bullies at school seem to thrive on the power.

That said, some managers are great...the difference is I WANT to do well for good managers.

@malificent7

Absolutely. I work very hard for good managers.

Poor ones drain me and my productivity. I simply cannot work under poor management it’s a deal breaker.

yep at the time it was horrible. It was near me, very nice team, rest of the factory was lovely too. Good nights out aswell. When i started we had no director of the department, was there nearly 5 years. Had three directors nd three direct managers during that time. I think one year we lost 80 people out 350, 8 of them were senior managers. My last manager was horrific, made me loads of promises turned out lies, moved me forcibly to another department with a person i though was my friend, she turned out to be a bully, brought my team leaders wife into do my job ( she did a terrible job) ,My team leader quit went for her job didn't get it new person external brought in trained him and then he quit too. Came back after a death in the family, he promised me a pay rise - Turned out of months asking he had lied, had a blazing row. Handed my notice in a month later with no job to go too. He was told by many people at time he was loosing his one of his best people, a month later after i handed my notice in ( had to give three months) he announced he was leaving too. By then it was too late for me, had made my mind up. Didnt work for a few months after i left then temped before i got this job and now ma happy. No job is perfect but especially during covid this nobs has been good. My old job was terrible during covid, didn't allow working from home etc so am glad am out of it. Am a lot better in my self mentality and work life balance is good most of time. As people say you dont leave bad jobs you leave bad managers