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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever had to leave a job you love because of a manager?

82 replies

BlossomLake · 04/04/2022 16:18

Aibu to leave a job I love and pays me well because my manger is awful. He constantly finds fault in everything I do. Nothing is ever good enough. I'm exhausted.

Words of wisdom and advice appreciated

OP posts:
Ryhn · 04/04/2022 23:06

Going through this now. Love the actual work, but not management. Angry Struggling to get another job, but I'm going to keep trying

Girlmumdogmumboymum · 04/04/2022 23:12

Yes, I left a job earlier in my pregnancy because my immediate manager failed to plan anything appropriately.
He would have me turning up to buildings to oversee work that no one knew was due to take place, it meant that the building users were angry at being inconvenienced, access requirements weren't met, and I had to explain each and every day, things I shouldn't have.
It made my job incredibly stressful, then, he expected me to work until 12am, an hours drive from home, to be leaving my home 5 hours later to return to work.

I then ended up having to stop works that he authorised without correct procedure or protocols, messing around with scientific machinery worth huge sums of money without prior arrangement from lab teams.

I loved working for the client. I loved my job, but I couldn't continue working for him.

Andi2020 · 04/04/2022 23:26

@BlossomLake yes I left mine Friday
Said I needed Mental Health break so took 2 weeks holidays but no intention of returning as started,a new job today.
Was ordered back to office 3 weeks ago and boss never spike to me since I returned it was like a silent bullying tactic but got his niece to micro manage and try and bring in changes to something she knows nothing about
I had enough of their crap and finding fault in things that weren't actually wrong they just can't understand. Know alls
All the best to you.

Thepollonator · 04/04/2022 23:32

I left a brilliant job that I loved after 10 years due to getting a horrible new manager, I was the assistant manager. In fact the whole team of 4 of us, with 35yrs of service between us left within 3 months! He was such a horrid person, a liar and two faced! He was nice as pie to anyone above him in the company and they all fell for it!

DirectionToPerfection · 04/04/2022 23:34

I've been here and it was horrendous, I feel for you.

I stuck it out far longer than I should have because I was struggling to get a new job and I was afraid to leave without one. Eventually it got so bad I ended up on sick leave for a month. The nasty manager behaved herself slightly better after that but I'd had enough and decided if I didn't have a new job within 3 months I was leaving anyway.

I did just that, went self employed for a couple of years, and that led to me being offered a far better job in my industry. Working with mostly sane people, thankfully!

TidyDancer · 05/04/2022 05:58

Yes I did it last year. Loved the job and loved most of my colleagues. I was senior within my team and had supervisory responsibilities. But my two direct managers were (and are) awful.

One was an incompetent bully who thought she was amazing but in reality was lazy, inept and dictatorial. Extremely disliked but people feared her unpredictable mood swings.

The other (her senior) was also lazy, but more in a promoted above his capabilities with no desire to understand what he should be doing way. Never supported the team, was totally uncontactable the majority of the time and never managed to deal with lazy staff members.

I miss parts of the job and a number of colleagues. I'm still working in the same place (NHS related) and it's all going to shit because a few people have now gone in a short space of time. Senior management are now panicking but thus far not quite realising what the root of the problem is. 🤔🙄

Twixie2022 · 05/04/2022 06:15

Yes been there. She was horrific and blamed all her wrong doings on me. Even ones I were away on holiday for.. she got caught on them though! Went on to find a much much better job that I love and have been there 7 years now and no plans on moving. She massively affected my MH to the point it took me a long time to trust my new manager at the time.

Totalwasteofpaper · 05/04/2022 06:58

Yes. She destroyed my mental health i endd up getting a 20k payrise.
I may have to again post mat leave. If i do i am confident it will be for more cash.

Cherryblossoms85 · 05/04/2022 07:01

Yes. And then he told me he was leaving too. I still didn't regret it, couldn't stand another second. Kept telling me I was a clever girl, which was making him look bad. Twat.

MrsGatsby99 · 05/04/2022 07:12

I did step down from a role in order not to have to deal with my line manager. And also to get better work/life balance. For me personally, it was the right thing to do but for career progression was awful. I decided I didn’t want to leave and I wanted to cut down on responsibility to focus on family. She was so subtle in her behaviour that I knew more senior management would never listen or be able to act. Also, she got people working which they liked. Awful way of nitpicking and making you feel inadequate, as well as complete micromanaging. I am so pleased I stepped down when I think of it. Will look for a more senior role again once DC are in secondary. Know not everyone can or wants/ should do this though.

GlamorousHeifer · 05/04/2022 07:21

Yes I did.....during lockdown. I absolutely loved my job and was happy there for 3 years until she took over the small team I was in.
She micromanaged everything, all of my autonomy went overnight and I just couldn't deal with it, especially as I was working from home so it felt like she was intruding into my home life as well.
I still miss the job but I am much happier where I am now.

littledrummergirl · 05/04/2022 07:36

Yes, several times.
In the past I had a really bad line manager who was moved on after I fought back and raised a grievance (5 page document with dates, times and examples). Unfortunately it broke my mental health.

I now have serious trust issues with management and find it easier to walk away- e.g my last manager told me that I could practice filling up a mop bucket. I was also told that my skillset was worthless because that industry cared more than the previous one I had worked in although the role was identical.

Life's too short for that bullshit.

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/04/2022 07:41

Sadly yes, but it was the right thing to do. Loved the job but when this person started on me it got worse and worse and I decided to leave in the end. Life’s too short, and your health is more important.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 05/04/2022 07:49

Yes, I ended up having a breakdown and on medication. Raised a grievance and got a payout. It's just not worth it, if you are able to get out now for the sake of your mental health.

Life is for living - my manager and job now is 1000% time better.

CourgetteSeason · 05/04/2022 07:52

My current manager is awful, half the team have left because of her. But senior management don't seem to see the problem. Hopefully I'll be out of there soon!

Snog · 05/04/2022 08:27

I think it's really important to have a good manager and something to really focus on in an interview situation.

I think it's extremely sensible to move jobs if you have a bad manager.

alwayswrighty · 05/04/2022 08:29

Yes, I couldn't take it anymore and I was crying before and after work. Its not worth it.

malificent7 · 05/04/2022 08:35

How can you tell if you have a bad manager or if you are just useless? Mine can be lovely when she wants but also horrid...it's confusing. Also contradicts herself a lot. I end up making mistakes which makes her criticise me. Can't work out if its me or her or if we are a bad mix.

Silverclocks · 05/04/2022 08:41

I haven't. One of the very early training courses I did was "Manage your Manager". The company must have sent me on it and it has served me very well.

Over a 30 year career, I have often "trained " difficult managers, but I've never left because of them. That said , I have switched jobs when the work didn't suit me, you should never stay when you're not enjoying it.

Enough4me · 05/04/2022 08:43

@malificent7 are you making mistakes on things you should know or because the tasks are changing through her contradictions?

Most roles require standard roles (job description), which should be routinely completed to a good level as part of general competency. However, if your manager is not clear then your 'mistakes' are likely arising through her lack of clarity.

SweatyChamoisPad · 05/04/2022 08:45

Yes. I loved my job and had a great boss - I worked for the CEO. He left and his replacement was a woman who knew nothing about the industry we were in. She was a sneaky, gas lighting bully, and working for her pushed me on to anti depressants. At one point I was almost suicidal - she made me feel I was going crazy. When I saw her do the same thing to our Head of Comms and a woman who ran our marketing Dept I knew I had to get out.

Now working in the public sector - salary the same but better working conditions and a really good pension. She also moved on, to a better job and a huge salary but I’m hoping karma bites her on the arse at some point. I’ve always said that hate is a very strong word and I never use it lightly but I hate that woman. I wouldn’t piss on her if she were on fire.

thecatsthecats · 05/04/2022 08:50

There will be other jobs you can love.

I've been with a company for a few months, and it's them on probation, not me. They've potentially jerked me around on the type of work I'll be doing, and if they have, I'll be waving them a merry goodbye.

My manager is nice, but is a bit of wet flannel - there's a few times she could have stood up for herself and me, but she talks the talk in private, not public.

MegBusset · 05/04/2022 08:52

Yes. I had a manager who was a total bitch. It was awful and I stuck it out longer than I should have done. I wouldn't make that mistake again.

Terfydactyl · 05/04/2022 09:04

Yes more than once.
Its affected me so much that I now tell myself, once I start crying at the thought of going to work, that's the time to quit.

Found a low pay low effort job locally with the most fantastic manager. Ok it's just above minimum wage, but local so no transport costs.
I reckon I have the same disposable income as I would back in the NHS with transport and clothing and other associated costs included, so I'm no worse off monetarily, but wow a boss who goes to bat for you, sticks up for you, doesn't micromanage, appreciates you, gives a fuck about you. It's worth more than money.
Been in post 8 years now.
I am however aging and can't do this job til I retire, so I'm looking for something else. But I want local still and a nice place to work, these jobs are like hens teeth.

URMyStarship · 05/04/2022 09:11

Once, years ago. I really tried to address the issues in a constructive way, but after returning from maternity leave and finding this particular manager really ramping up his awful behaviour I just didn’t have the energy for it anymore. I was dreading every morning coming round and I just couldn’t live like that anymore. I left without a proper job to go to and retrained in a completely different field in the end.. Luckily I was in a financial position to do that - I appreciate many won’t be.

My only regret is that I didn’t go for constructive dismissal! He really was a shit bag. Revenge is dish best served cold, though. He was sacked a couple of years later in a very public way for gross misconduct and our whole industry was talking about it for a long time.

If you can line up something else, even if it’s not your dream career move, I’d get the hell out.