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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate colleagues who drone on about pointless drivel

131 replies

Atnaforange · 04/04/2022 12:53

It could be the fact that I'm 8 weeks pregnant but recently my colleague is giving me rage.
We each work from home but do different roles, I rely on him giving me information to do my job.
Whenever I send him an email query about work he insists on calling me because "it's quicker" but then he just proceeds to shite on about a million things completely unrelated to the question I asked and tries to get into personal conversation about my weekend etc. I'm absolutely swamped in work, have a toddler and am so ill with morning sickness I do not have time for small talk. Like today I sent him an IM

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."

Him: "Best to call you. It's quicker"

Then he calls me and goes into a big long story about why he doesn't have the numbers and the big row he had with another colleague, then started going on about his weekend and his various illnesses then asked me multiple times what I did over the weekend (I kept saying "nothing" and changing the subject back to work) I barely said 5 words on the call thinking if I was silent he would get to the point quicker but he droned on for 6 minutes...... like wtf how is that "quicker"??

AIBU to think this is the way it should have gone via IM.

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."
Him "No I don't have the numbers yet ill keep you posted"

The end.

For context this guy is in his 50s.

OP posts:
Ozanj · 05/04/2022 09:51

He’s making small talk. Being able to field this appropriately is an essential requirement of any job. If basic human interaction is giving you the rage then you need to consider whether working life is right for you. Your being pregnant is irrelevant here.

Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 09:52

@PinkSparklyPussyCat if it was quicker then it wouldn't be an issue for me. It's not bloody quicker with this guy when I have to hear a 6 minute run down of his bowel habits and the ongoing rift with his brother along with loads of probing questions into my personal life.....

do you have the numbers? Yes or No it's a simple question! Takes 2 seconds to answer via IM.

And no it wouldn't make a difference if it was a female.... it would be just as annoying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 09:55

@Ozanj me being pregnant is not irrelevant here. If you don't think that vomiting 6 times a day and rising hormone levels doesn't effect your tolerance levels to some degree then you have never been pregnant. I posted this in AIBU as I wanted to see if the pregnancy was causing me to BU

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 05/04/2022 10:00

@Ozanj

He’s making small talk. Being able to field this appropriately is an essential requirement of any job. If basic human interaction is giving you the rage then you need to consider whether working life is right for you. Your being pregnant is irrelevant here.
Getting from “my job is busy so calls that could be emails is irritating” to “working life is not for you” is such a huge leap you should consider going in for the Olympics.
Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 10:02

@stuntbubbles agree 🤣 for the record I've worked there for 12 years and I'm good at my job. So is he. But a long detour about his personal life every time I ask a yes or no question is really annoying.

OP posts:
Ozanj · 05/04/2022 10:03

[quote Atnaforange]@Ozanj me being pregnant is not irrelevant here. If you don't think that vomiting 6 times a day and rising hormone levels doesn't effect your tolerance levels to some degree then you have never been pregnant. I posted this in AIBU as I wanted to see if the pregnancy was causing me to BU[/quote]
I have been pregnant and throwing up while working f/t with young kids right through my pregnancy. Getting the rage because of a phone call is ridiculous. Pregnancy is no excuse.

Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 10:07

@Ozanj well good for you. Clearly your tolerance levels would be unaffected by somebody talking about their logistics of their bowel to you for 6 minutes instead of answering the simple yes or no work question you asked however 75% of people on this thread disagree with you and agree with me so you're in the minority here. But I appreciate your valuable input.

OP posts:
Arrivederci · 05/04/2022 10:09

I know that feeling! When you ask a colleague how their weekend was and they go into detail about every item of food ordered at a restaurant by their whole family. You feel obliged to nod along whilst your coffee is going cold in your hand Grin

Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 10:13

@Arrivederci haha exactly except in this case I didn't even ask anything about his weekend (because I've been burned there before!)
I literally just asked whether he had the numbers and he droned on and on and on for ages about his personal life. Get to the point buddy do you have the numbers or not

OP posts:
D0lphine · 05/04/2022 10:17

"Sorry Dave the doorbell has just gone, must dash" hang up.

Hang up mid call then message "sorry bad internet connection".

On answering his call "I have 2 mins before going into x meeting with x important person".

"I'm trying to keep my line free in case x important customer calls."

"Oh the washing machine is bleeping, must dash, having issues all morning!"

"Sorry I can't hear you you're breaking up....hello? Hello?"

"I can smell lunch/ tea burning, got to go"

"Lovely speaking to you Dave but I'm swamped at the moment. Please could you email over that information?"

"I must let you go, you must be busy!"

"I'd love to spend the day nattering but this report isn't going to write itself. Speak soon!"

Sartre · 05/04/2022 10:18

‘Don’t have time for a call right now, can you send it in a message please’. Send this every time till he hopefully gets the hint.

Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 10:20

@D0lphine fantastic!. He's been calling on repeat this morning but I haven't answered (my teams is showing as busy but that doesn't seem to bother him). I'm definitely using some if not all of these suggestions today.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 05/04/2022 10:37

@TigerLilyTail

Of course he can message you the answer. He just wants to chat because he's bored/lonely.

Don't answer his calls, just keep being polite but firm.

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."

Him: "Best to call you. It's quicker"

Me: "Sorry, i don't have time to talk at the moment. Please send them to me by 1pm".

This. If he then calls anyway, I would email back repeating ‘As I said, I don’t have time for a call please send required info asap’ and cc in your manager. I’d even go so far as to raise this with the manager separately or send a really firm message to the colleague saying you need to stick to work and not social calls. Professional, polite, obviously, but make your point.

I had this with a colleague recently, she’d make a joke and talk over someone who was asking for something, even tho it was clear the person asking me something was not in the mood for an irrelevant joke. Ignoring her worked well and meant I didn’t have to actually tell her to stop. Some people are crap at reading the mood/determined to be sociable at the wrong moment.

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2022 10:39

If basic human interaction is giving you the rage then you need to consider whether working life is right for you

That’s hilarious 🤣

Chasingaftermidnight · 05/04/2022 10:57

As others have said, I definitely find with these people that the best thing to do is to set expectations at the beginning of the call. ‘Hi Dave - just so you know, I’ve got to jump on another call in two minutes. Ok, so the numbers?’

Although I know the problem with that is that two minutes is still slower than an email, and there’s a risk that he’ll say ‘ok I’ll call you back in an hour.’

magicstar1 · 05/04/2022 11:07

I have a colleague like this. My manager has to do a project every month and would come back three hours later boiling with rage after hearing about the woman's daughter's cancer, her husband, her cat, her neighbour's issues etc.
I took over one month, and it took half an hour. I basically said "Right, we need to get this done. No personal talk from either of us, no stories, just work." Every time she tried to start I'd say "Ah-ah...work only".
Sounds rude, but it works, and she tells everyone how efficient and good I am at the job lol, and we're still friendly enough in passing.

StooOrangeyForCrows · 05/04/2022 11:22

@Invisimamma

Is he trying to avoid putting it in writing that he doesn't have the numbers?

I hate phone calls would much rather email or message.

This. The way he does things there is no paper trail of his uselessness.
Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 11:31

@StooOrangeyForCrows I don't think it's this. He's very good at his job he just wants to talk about personal stuff and not work and you can't really do that via email without looking strange.... but for some reason on a phone call its apparently acceptable to just shite on about your personal life when noone asked

OP posts:
StooOrangeyForCrows · 05/04/2022 11:46

That would mess with my melon too. Can your phone be out of order for a few weeks days?

NippyWoowoo · 05/04/2022 12:18

@Loginmystery

So much hostility here towards someone wanting human interaction. Bloody hell what’s the world come to.
I find it patronising that just because OP has said they live alone that he must be lonely and in want of a chat.

I live alone and have plenty of social interaction, I feel the same as OP. My friend on the other hand doesn't live alone but loves to drone on and on.

Goldenbear · 05/04/2022 12:59

I sympathise and I don't think it is the case at all that the world of work requires this level of small talk. It depends what context you are working in. I work in data protection/cyber security and work mainly with the IT department al of whom prefer emails to phone calls. However, I can see the human interaction argument, I will sometimes go up to 2 weeks in my windowless office, think IT Crowd basement without speaking to anyone and that can be quite lonely. However, it doesn't sound like he is lacking in options for interaction so he should spread the smal talk around!

balalake · 05/04/2022 13:11

@Atnaforange if he spends time talking about personal matters and goes on and on, then he is not good at his job. Interacting with colleagues and if it happens, customers and suppliers, is a part of any job. If you are bad at that, you are not good at your job.

Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 13:15

@NippyWoowoo I never said that he lives alone because he doesn't live alone he lives with his wife who he is unhappily married to (a fun fact he has also gone into grim detail about without me asking).
I believe he's lonely not because he lives alone but because he randomly spouts unsolicited personal information at me when I'm just looking for a yes or no answer regarding a work issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 13:17

@balalake his job is quite technical I don't want to get into details in case it's outing but he technically is superb at his main job but I agree the interacting with other humans (which is also part of the job) he is less good at.

OP posts:
NippyWoowoo · 05/04/2022 13:58

[quote Atnaforange]@NippyWoowoo I never said that he lives alone because he doesn't live alone he lives with his wife who he is unhappily married to (a fun fact he has also gone into grim detail about without me asking).
I believe he's lonely not because he lives alone but because he randomly spouts unsolicited personal information at me when I'm just looking for a yes or no answer regarding a work issue.[/quote]
Sorry OP I read your comment saying he doesn't have many people to talk to as living alone Blush