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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate colleagues who drone on about pointless drivel

131 replies

Atnaforange · 04/04/2022 12:53

It could be the fact that I'm 8 weeks pregnant but recently my colleague is giving me rage.
We each work from home but do different roles, I rely on him giving me information to do my job.
Whenever I send him an email query about work he insists on calling me because "it's quicker" but then he just proceeds to shite on about a million things completely unrelated to the question I asked and tries to get into personal conversation about my weekend etc. I'm absolutely swamped in work, have a toddler and am so ill with morning sickness I do not have time for small talk. Like today I sent him an IM

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."

Him: "Best to call you. It's quicker"

Then he calls me and goes into a big long story about why he doesn't have the numbers and the big row he had with another colleague, then started going on about his weekend and his various illnesses then asked me multiple times what I did over the weekend (I kept saying "nothing" and changing the subject back to work) I barely said 5 words on the call thinking if I was silent he would get to the point quicker but he droned on for 6 minutes...... like wtf how is that "quicker"??

AIBU to think this is the way it should have gone via IM.

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."
Him "No I don't have the numbers yet ill keep you posted"

The end.

For context this guy is in his 50s.

OP posts:
PAFMO · 05/04/2022 05:40

Though I imagine the entire office is going to know just as much about both as the OP does about someone's IBS problems.
Hopefully they will be more sympathetic than she is.

phishy · 05/04/2022 05:43

@PAFMO

Though I imagine the entire office is going to know just as much about both as the OP does about someone's IBS problems. Hopefully they will be more sympathetic than she is.
Are you seriously saying OP should be sympathetic to him?

His sad sack life is not OP’s problem. Women are not responsible for making random male colleagues.

Indicatrice · 05/04/2022 05:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummy1608 · 05/04/2022 05:43

A related tactic (my husband used to use this tactic on me when i bothered him while he were both wfh in the pandemic...luckily im back at school now!)... just make noises like "mm hmm" or "really?" But then use the wrong ones Grin
Eg
Me: it was really nice to see X on the weekend
Him: sympathetic noise "oh dear"
Me: I'm worried I don't have a suitable dress for this event
Him: that's good, that's good
Me: are you listening?
Him: oh sorry I'm just a bit busy atm let's chat at lunchtime

MiddleParking · 05/04/2022 05:52

I hate this ‘best to call’ shit (obviously except in circumstances where it actually is best, eg there’s a game-changing update on the work that I need to be made aware of that’ll be quicker to explain in a conversation). Usually though it just comes across as them feeling entitled to override you - if it was best for me to have a call, I’d have asked to call in the first place. And yeah, often it’s because people don’t want to put in writing that they’ve not done something.

tcjotm · 05/04/2022 06:32

I just say “sorry, can’t take calls at the moment. Send me an email/message and I’ll get back to you asap”

I don’t elaborate, I’m just ‘I’m afraid that’s not possible’. And then never ever answer their call. But I will reply on email/message very quickly, to reward the type of behaviour I want to see 😂

livalot · 05/04/2022 06:34

OP if I were in your position, I would be brave and instead of emailing your colleague and waiting for his phone call, I would just telephone him first and ask him for the figures you need. Tell him you have called him because you are very busy and do not have time to chat. Ask him if he could he send you the figures you need by email by e.g. 3pm! If he tries to start a conversation, just keep repeating you have telephoned him because it's quicker and you are short of time, and keep repeating that you are sorry but you have got to go as you have so much to do. End the call by saying you will call him next time you need the figures. Take charge of the situation!

Saltyquiche · 05/04/2022 06:37

Can you tell him you’re struggling for time and could he email instead.

Or cut him short when he phones, ask him the question, then mention that you hope he’s well but no time to talk what with workload so will ring off. Then ring off

Sandinmyknickers · 05/04/2022 06:41

You have a toddler? Then you are qualified for dealing with him and this situation. Speak to him like you would your toddler, explaining that you don't have time to talk right now because you are busy with work. Repeat it, as you would to a toddler

IcecreamOnTheDaily · 05/04/2022 06:45

I have one of these too. Unfortunately he is a senior manager in my team and although I don't report to him directly, it's very difficult to just cut him off. He knows his stuff inside out but a simple request for clarification will result in a 20 minute spiel about the entire history of the project and why X said Y. He will never ever ask a question about how I'm doing but will happily drone on about himself and his wife and his kids...I could tell you the exact combination of subjects his daughter is doing but I don't think he even knows what my professional background is.

I don't know why people don't just reply in the same way they received the initial contact. I like having everything in writing so I can refer back to it too, and very rarely is anything actually quicker over a call.

RustyShackleford3 · 05/04/2022 06:49

When says "best to call" just say "sorry I can't take a call right now, please just email me the gist".

He's probably a chatty person and hates working from home. Some people are just like this. They itch to chat to someone. Still, that's not remotely your concern. You aren't obliged to sit and listen to his ramblings.

Assertiveness can be a tricky skill to learn. I know it certainly has been for me. Keep practicing!

ohidoliketobe · 05/04/2022 06:50

On some rare occasions I cba to soeak to someone like this, I have been known to call my mobile from my Skype so it shows I'm "on a call", and send a message 'just on a call and was wondering if you have an update on xyz?'
Can't ring me, and usually get a quick response.
But I'm hugely anti social

balalake · 05/04/2022 06:56

I think you need to be blunt on one occasion, and if that does not work, then perhaps it is time for a word with his manager. When you speak to his manager tell her or him that discussions about illness are somehow triggering and upsetting.

Make him the exception to the 'message not call', don't do this with others if they do not go into a monologue.

NippyWoowoo · 05/04/2022 06:58

Oh god I'd have said your colleague was my friend, but for the age. Anyone who prefers a phone call would put me on edge. Just do what I asked. I dread texting my friend because it always results in an immediate phone call. I usually ignore, but about once a month I indulge. I recently indulged. After a while I said 'ok well I have to go now, got xy--' and he immediately launched into another story as if I hadn't said a thing.

I have to think he must be like this with his work colleagues 🙄

Fizbosshoes · 05/04/2022 07:06

I have a colleague who is pt. They live on their own so on day 1 of their week, they are incredibly chatty, presumably because they have been on their own majority of the time, so I get that because they are probably lonely. But they constantly butt into everyone else's conversation throughout the day, or continue a conversation after you've just taken a call that requires concentration/action and stand way too close than is comfortable

Fizbosshoes · 05/04/2022 07:06

The data they don't workfare so peaceful!

tttigress · 05/04/2022 07:07

Personally I think it is good to communicate verbally, one thing that has been missing from these lockdowns is human contact, o think it is going to have a negative effect on people.

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2022 07:13

Where work is concerned I think emails etc are the way to go so there’s a (albeit digital) paper trail for reference should it be needed.

It’s good to communicate verbally in non work situations with people you actually want to chat to.

spotcheck · 05/04/2022 07:17

Me: "Sorry, i don't have time to talk at the moment. Please send them to me by 1pm

Are people really that rude in the corporate world?
😂

phishy · 05/04/2022 07:22

On some rare occasions I cba to soeak to someone like this, I have been known to call my mobile from my Skype so it shows I'm "on a call", and send a message 'just on a call and was wondering if you have an update on xyz?'
Can't ring me, and usually get a quick response.
But I'm hugely anti social

I like the being on a call idea ohido but why do women write like this and suggest to other women they write like this?

Never say:

‘I’m just’ doing something. You don’t need to minimise what you’re doing.
‘I was wondering’
‘Sorry to bother you’
‘Do you have time for a call?’

Men don’t write like this, it’s women who are socialised to be placatory.

phishy · 05/04/2022 07:22

@spotcheck

Me: "Sorry, i don't have time to talk at the moment. Please send them to me by 1pm

Are people really that rude in the corporate world?
😂

Sigh. None of that is rude spotcheck.
camelfinger · 05/04/2022 07:25

I think some people are lazy too - I’ve been made to feel like the weirdo for preferring written communication. The other person likes to chat for 20 minutes about something completely unrelated (I eventually had to tell one colleague that I was no longer going to speak about Brexit, not because I disagreed with him, but it obviously opened giant cans of worms). I then have to essentially read out my email, while he gives a verbal answer (which is obviously not direct) that I need to write down. So annoying.
I get extremely lonely WFH but it’s not fair to make my colleagues jobs harder just to fulfil my social needs. I could easily chat to certain people quite happily but I am respectful of their time.
I used to work in an office where it was quite normal to do quick calls to ask one question and get a quick answer. Now it seems that you have to do more pleasantries etc.

iloveeverykindofcat · 05/04/2022 07:27

I was prepared to say YABU but YANBU, this is too much and would do my head in.

You know how some people have resting bitch face? I have the opposite problem. I have resting tell-me-your-problems face. Apparently I look approachable and like I care about stranger's health issues/marital problems/work life. Its a problem.

MrsAmber · 05/04/2022 07:30

I have a colleague in their 30’s who calls himself ‘old school’ and rather than completing a task via email that takes a couple of minutes, prefers to pick up the phone and waffle on to various suppliers/customers about himself, his ailments, what the cat did that morning, then about work!
Some days it drives me bonkers as he’ll then talk about the conversation they’ve just had when I’ve heard it fucking all as I’ve just sat through it all trying to get on with MY work!

Unfortunately I’m stuck in an office with him so it could be worse OP!

MrsAmber · 05/04/2022 07:32

Oh and then he’ll tell everyone how busy he is!