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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate colleagues who drone on about pointless drivel

131 replies

Atnaforange · 04/04/2022 12:53

It could be the fact that I'm 8 weeks pregnant but recently my colleague is giving me rage.
We each work from home but do different roles, I rely on him giving me information to do my job.
Whenever I send him an email query about work he insists on calling me because "it's quicker" but then he just proceeds to shite on about a million things completely unrelated to the question I asked and tries to get into personal conversation about my weekend etc. I'm absolutely swamped in work, have a toddler and am so ill with morning sickness I do not have time for small talk. Like today I sent him an IM

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."

Him: "Best to call you. It's quicker"

Then he calls me and goes into a big long story about why he doesn't have the numbers and the big row he had with another colleague, then started going on about his weekend and his various illnesses then asked me multiple times what I did over the weekend (I kept saying "nothing" and changing the subject back to work) I barely said 5 words on the call thinking if I was silent he would get to the point quicker but he droned on for 6 minutes...... like wtf how is that "quicker"??

AIBU to think this is the way it should have gone via IM.

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."
Him "No I don't have the numbers yet ill keep you posted"

The end.

For context this guy is in his 50s.

OP posts:

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 05/04/2022 07:33

I've got one of these OP. Can't do anything without being pinned down for half an hour being talked at. None of it work related nhs frantically busy.
I was so pissed off with it one morning I just said crossly I haven't got time for all this gossip and stomped out of the room. Now I'm a moody cow apparently.
I'm in my 60s and just don't have the patience for this stuff anymore I have too much to do.

Somuddled · 05/04/2022 07:37

I feel your pain. At least you only have one. 5 of my colleagues had a 40 minute conversation on the cost of petrol. Not discussing how it came about or the political situation just 'it was x price at x Station on Saturday' 'well at my nearest station it was this price' 'it cost me £ to fill up for the week than it normally would' 'I wonder what price it will be at station closest to work'

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh. How can any of them actually be enjoying that?

KatherineJaneway · 05/04/2022 07:38

@Notjustanymum

Reply with an IM “I can’t take a call right now, please send the figures by IM or eMail when you are able. Thanks” No apology or explanation, just a professional request. And repeat until he gets the message.

Totally.

He's lonely and you are his 'person'.

Loginmystery · 05/04/2022 07:58

So much hostility here towards someone wanting human interaction. Bloody hell what’s the world come to.

stuntbubbles · 05/04/2022 08:05

[quote Atnaforange]@Sparklingbrook I have done this previously but he has just called me repeatedly until I answer and then says that because he's "old" he prefers to talk on the phone. I hate coming across as rude but I think I do need to be more assertive.[/quote]
It’s not rude! It’s what you need to get the job done. Firm boundaries: put DND on your teams and send out a message in the morning that you’re not available for calls, please send all requested figures via email.

Even if he calls and calls and calls, you message him: “This does not require a call. Please send the figures or give me an ETA, thanks.”

CecilyP · 05/04/2022 08:05

Sparklingbrook I have done this previously but he has just called me repeatedly until I answer and then says that because he's "old" he prefers to talk on the phone. I hate coming across as rude but I think I do need to be more assertive

He is so not old! I did have a colleague where the phone would ring as soon as you’d sent her an email but she’d be in her 70s now. Email has been around for most of your colleagues working life. You really do need to be more assertive and bring any conversation back to the question you’ve asked. Then terminate the call as soon as you’ve got the information.

phishy · 05/04/2022 08:06

@Loginmystery

So much hostility here towards someone wanting human interaction. Bloody hell what’s the world come to.

You shouldn’t get to have human interaction at the expense of someone else though, and someone who doesn’t want it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/04/2022 08:10

When you say you are swamped with work and have a toddler, do you mean the toddler is at home with you during the day?

Grammarmum · 05/04/2022 08:15

@Loginmystery

So much hostility here towards someone wanting human interaction. Bloody hell what’s the world come to.

Yep…totally agree. Also what does his age have to do with it ? What is wrong with wanting to speak to a human being? If you haven’t time for chat …just say so and am sure he would be ok . It’s called communication!

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2022 08:18

it's not 'hostile' to not have time for inane chat while you are trying to get your work done.

He should have some consideration and appreciate that.

TillyTopper · 05/04/2022 08:19

I'm with you OP, it's annoying, especially when you have tons of work to get done. I also have a colleague like Dave. My methods are to be quite brusque. If you're going to have a call I just jump straight in with "Hi, have you got the figures" if he starts to drone on about no and why I say something like "Ok, please can you tell me when they'll be ready as I need to plan my day". If he's chatting further I say something like "I'm sorry Dave, I really need to get, I need to [insert task]". I never refer to anything outside of work, I'd never say "because I feel unwell" or "I have a toddler" I just try to constantly focus him. Unfortunately you do have to be rude - but the pay off of that is they talk to you less!

ManAlive24 · 05/04/2022 08:19

[quote Atnaforange]@Antarcticant that's a good idea.... even 5 minutes is annoying when it could be answered via IM but at least there's an end point.
@Sparklingbrook I just think he's kind of lonely maybe doesn't have many people to talk to and I stupidly was polite the first few times so now he thinks we are mates[/quote]
No, he doesn't think you're mates. I can't stand men like this. They want someone to talk AT, not WITH. It makes me feel important. I've met too many of these to count, and they do it with women because they want the attention and think we're hanging on their every word.

Reply "I don't have time to chat. Please answer my question." He's not your mate.

Grenlei · 05/04/2022 08:30

@FloraPostePosts

I understand that you’re frustrated, but different people work in different ways, and enforced homeworking has made some people feel very lonely and isolated. I can be sympathetic with your situation but also with his.

I think not answering the call or pre-emptively saying you won’t be able to take a call now is the way to go. You can tell him that you’re swamped and that communicating by IM or email is the only way you can keep on top of things, and his calls are putting you in a position where you can’t work effectively. Being blunt and honest, without being rude, might be the only way you can properly break through to him.

^^ Entirely this.

Many employers are now realising that the enforced WFH edict has had a massive effect on feelings of loneliness and isolation - resulting in people taking these opportunities for conversation wherever they can. These chats your colleague is having with you are a replacement to those 'water cooler' conversations that used to take place in the office - where you could easily back away after a couple of mins. And where there would have been 10s of people to speak to on any one day.

It's why our (very large) organisation is now instructing people must be in the office a minimum of once a week, despite having previously said that we'd be working from home apart from a few times a year.

stuntbubbles · 05/04/2022 08:31

@Loginmystery

So much hostility here towards someone wanting human interaction. Bloody hell what’s the world come to.

It’s not OP’s job to provide human interaction – it’s her job to do her job, and this man is actively preventing her from doing so at a time when she’s also struggling with morning sickness, and can’t pick up her work slack out of hours because she has a toddler. Even if she weren’t pregnant and suffering, human interaction still isn’t her job. She just wants to crunch the numbers! Not arse about on the phone for half an hour only to learn those numbers aren’t available.

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2022 08:32

@Atnaforange do you think he is lonely and/or isolated? Or just inconsiderate and attention seeking?

stuntbubbles · 05/04/2022 08:33

@TheYearOfSmallThings

When you say you are swamped with work and have a toddler, do you mean the toddler is at home with you during the day?

I took it to mean “so can’t start early/stay late to flex around making time for pointless phone calls, because nursery drop-off/pick-up”. And also generally feeling frazzled from the “this cereal is wrong!” argument at breakfast and the post-nursery tired and angry phase, so she doesn’t have a lot of slack in her day and just wants to do the work then have a quiet pregnancy puke.

KatherineJaneway · 05/04/2022 08:38

@Loginmystery

So much hostility here towards someone wanting human interaction. Bloody hell what’s the world come to.

Why does his need to talk trump my right to work in peace?

MacraMee · 05/04/2022 08:41

I would take your colleague over mine any day OP.
I get a rundown of my colleagues nights with her kids, who woke when, who puked, how many times they puked, how little sleep they got, full run down of potty training. Full on running commentary every single day. It's actual torture and I'm looking for another job.

Juniper68 · 05/04/2022 09:07

@MacraMee

I would take your colleague over mine any day OP. I get a rundown of my colleagues nights with her kids, who woke when, who puked, how many times they puked, how little sleep they got, full run down of potty training. Full on running commentary every single day. It's actual torture and I'm looking for another job.

Isn't there anyone you can complain about them to? Have you said you aren't interested?

Original poster

Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 09:14

"@PAFMO

user1471457751

What does having a toddler got to do with this?

Or being pregnant tbf."

Obviously I was saying that being tired from morning sickness and a toddler could be making my unreasonable and having less time for his crap ffs noone in work knows I'm pregnant.

OP posts:

Original poster

Atnaforange · 05/04/2022 09:25

"@TheYearOfSmallThings

When you say you are swamped with work and have a toddler, do you mean the toddler is at home with you during the day?"

Yesterday toddler was here during the day as my childminder tested positive for covid so she couldn't take her but normally I do have childcare. Maybe the lack of childcare played a part in why this gave me move rage than usual yesterday.

"@Sparklingbrook
@Atnaforange do you think he is lonely and/or isolated? Or just inconsiderate and attention seeking?" I think he's a bit lonely and attention seeking sometimes hearing his intimate problems makes me feel uncomfortable.... I don't actually know him that well and I know he prob wants human interaction but I cannot provide that for him I don't want any interaction that isn't work related.

OP posts:

gingerhills · 05/04/2022 09:30

Just say: calls aren't convenient for me and I prefer to have an email trail.

lljkk · 05/04/2022 09:37

Not BU, especially when childcare is expensive.

I suppose when he says "Best to call you. It's quicker" -- you fire back variations on "Ok but I only have 5 minutes. swamped today." and keep seizing control of the conversation every 45 seconds when he tries to meander. If you have to interrupt then so be it. Every single utterance out of your mouth should go back to the information you wanted (politely).

wow, it took a whole 75 minutes before an MNer insisted this is a 'men are arseholes to women!' thing.  I can't believe it took so long.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 05/04/2022 09:48

@Loginmystery

So much hostility here towards someone wanting human interaction. Bloody hell what’s the world come to.

Exactly this. I'm glad I don't work with some of the miserable gits on MN. As well as that, sometimes a call is quicker. I was having a conversation over Teams with my manager and we both decided it would have been quicker to call.

His sad sack life is not OP’s problem. Women are not responsible for making random male colleagues.

Would it make a difference if it was a female colleague calling?

LannieDuck · 05/04/2022 09:48

I would just be honest with him on the call.

"X, I don't have time to chat today. Do you have the figures yet? No, ok. Thanks."

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