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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate colleagues who drone on about pointless drivel

131 replies

Atnaforange · 04/04/2022 12:53

It could be the fact that I'm 8 weeks pregnant but recently my colleague is giving me rage.
We each work from home but do different roles, I rely on him giving me information to do my job.
Whenever I send him an email query about work he insists on calling me because "it's quicker" but then he just proceeds to shite on about a million things completely unrelated to the question I asked and tries to get into personal conversation about my weekend etc. I'm absolutely swamped in work, have a toddler and am so ill with morning sickness I do not have time for small talk. Like today I sent him an IM

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."

Him: "Best to call you. It's quicker"

Then he calls me and goes into a big long story about why he doesn't have the numbers and the big row he had with another colleague, then started going on about his weekend and his various illnesses then asked me multiple times what I did over the weekend (I kept saying "nothing" and changing the subject back to work) I barely said 5 words on the call thinking if I was silent he would get to the point quicker but he droned on for 6 minutes...... like wtf how is that "quicker"??

AIBU to think this is the way it should have gone via IM.

Me: "Hi Dave
Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward."
Him "No I don't have the numbers yet ill keep you posted"

The end.

For context this guy is in his 50s.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 04/04/2022 13:35

@Juniper68

Does he live alone? Probably lonely. At least he actually asks about you. A lot just talk about themselves.

He needs a friend.

Which is irrelevant to his professional behaviour.

The OP just needs to be assertive with him and state what she needs. He's a colleague - not a potential friend.

Frillyfruli · 04/04/2022 13:36

Ugh I feel your pain! I have a colleague in another office who is the same. Every email I send her results in a Teams message of 'are you free now I need to speak to you about this'. No Tricia, you don't need to speak to me about this (or about your love life, or the colleague in your office you've fallen out with, whilst I desperately try and end the conversation so I can, ya know, do some actual work!), you can just reply to my email with the single sentence that it requires. And if I don't reply to the multiply-emoji'd Teams messages she sends me messages like 'don't ignore me haha winky face winky face, how was your weekend sun emoji wine emoji'.

I have ended up putting her Teams messages on mute, and being very brisk and professional when I do have to speak to her - I've heard that she's told other people she's upset because we are not 'friends' any more - WE ARE NOT AND NEVER WERE FRIENDS I'VE NEVER EVEN MET YOU TRICIA!

FloraPostePosts · 04/04/2022 13:39

I understand that you’re frustrated, but different people work in different ways, and enforced homeworking has made some people feel very lonely and isolated. I can be sympathetic with your situation but also with his.

I think not answering the call or pre-emptively saying you won’t be able to take a call now is the way to go. You can tell him that you’re swamped and that communicating by IM or email is the only way you can keep on top of things, and his calls are putting you in a position where you can’t work effectively. Being blunt and honest, without being rude, might be the only way you can properly break through to him.

DrSbaitso · 04/04/2022 13:41

[quote Atnaforange]@Juniper68 yeah i think you are right he does need a friend but that's not me. I have no interest in being his friend. He's (unhappily) married.[/quote]
How do you know this?

Is there a chance he's romantically interested?

Juniper68 · 04/04/2022 13:47

[quote Atnaforange]@Juniper68 yeah i think you are right he does need a friend but that's not me. I have no interest in being his friend. He's (unhappily) married.[/quote]
Maybe keep saying things like gtg my husband is just in need to catch him etc. Just in case he is interested in you? Just because you're young means nothing to men.

ilovesooty yes I'm well aware thanks. OP doesn't need to be his friend. And if he's unhappily married then she's best not engaging.

SwedishEdith · 04/04/2022 13:50

These people are a pain. As soon as a bigger Teams call finishes, they call you to then discuss the other call. In the office, the key offender also wheels his chair over to my desk to discuss it all again.

Crimesean · 04/04/2022 13:50

I have a similar colleague, always wants to call rather than email/Teams chat, and then goes on and on and on - it is MUCH quicker, and more concise, to get it into an email, but he insists on a chat every time.

I've had to push back a lot and say that I'm swamped and need an email - it works, but he gets grumpy about it.

cherish123 · 04/04/2022 13:54

I suspect he is bored and wants human interaction.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 04/04/2022 13:56

@TriTrey

If it was just now and then that he did this, I'd suck it up, but of he does this regularly, gawd I'd have the rage too! No advice, just handing you wine.

....or, repeat I'm absolutely swamped in work, have a toddler and am so ill with morning sickness I do not have time for small talk. before every chat!

Having a toddler is completely irrelevant. Not his problem.

However, OP YANBU with your original concern. As PP said, message back saying you don't have time for a chat, just message me when you have them.

WhenDovesFly · 04/04/2022 13:57

Set his expectations at the outset, so "Hi Dave, Just wondering if you have those numbers from corporate yet as I need them to move this project forward. A simple yes or no and when I can expect them will suffice as I've got lots on and no time to chat today, thanks."

Robin843 · 04/04/2022 14:09

@cherish123

I suspect he is bored and wants human interaction.

Hmm, I'd be interested to know if he's the same with male colleagues (bet he isn't). Women however are support humans and we must be available to listen to, humour and indulge these entitled men.

HopefulProcrastinator · 04/04/2022 14:23

People like "Dave" are the reason that we were forced to work from the office prior to covid even though we had WFH jobs for years, because they were lonely and needed the interaction and support of an active office environment.

That it created a toxic environment for people like me who thrive on peace to work my creative magic was irrelevant (having a creative job in a serious company is a hard slog anyway!).

I'm so happy that WFH has been reinstated for folk like me, but I'm very aware that the Dave's of the world can make it spin back to mandatory office attendance again.

Someone else's need for company does not trump my need for quiet to work effectively, sadly my voice is the one most likely to be disregarded because it's 'anti-social'.

Atnaforange you have my every sympathy, hope you manage to shut down Dave with ease next time.

LegMeChicken · 04/04/2022 14:38

Just tell him you're on other calls all day and need it by X p.m.

Original poster

Atnaforange · 04/04/2022 15:25

@DrSbaitso I don't think any thing romantic. Although he is definitely overly interested in me and my life. For a while we were allowed to go back into the office one or 2 days a week and if I decided to work from home instead on those days he would contact me and ask me why..... my boss would know why of course but he's not my boss he's not above me at all so it's not his business why I'm not in the office. It can just be draining dealing with him. Like even on the call today he kept asking "are you ok" "is something wrong at home" because I was being quiet and abrupt.

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 04/04/2022 15:30

It certainly sounds like a romantic interest, and one that's understandably making you uncomfortable. Demanding to know where you are and asking about your home life is not on. If you don't feel able to confront him about it, and I don't blame you if so, you can ask your boss to step in. It's completely inappropriate.

user1471457751 · 04/04/2022 15:33

What does having a toddler got to do with this?

latetothefisting · 04/04/2022 15:43

@RishiRich

'Sorry Quentin, I don't have time for a call at the moment. Do you have the numbers?'

This. Or just say "sorry I'm waiting for another call/in a huge rush/just about to go into a meeting, can you just send me the numbers?" At the end of the day what's the worst that could happen? He gets annoyed that you never want to speak to him so stops trying to ring you? That's a win!

Women are so conditioned to be nice to everyone and not possibly hurt anyone's feelings but unless you really want to be best friends with this guy who cares if he thinks you could be friendlier? You're not being rude to him at all, just getting on with your work - which after all is what you're there to do!

spongedog · 04/04/2022 16:19

I am older than your colleague and I am certainly not "old", so rather feel his description is trying to excuse his choice of communication. I sympathise totally about the rage though - have a colleague who also talks utter drivel - woman 20 years younger than me who has a now-toddler. She really is The parent who believes that no-one else has ever had children. We (small office of 4 people - all of whom have children, and some grand-children) have to hear every last detail of broken nights, sickness at nursery, potty training, playdates. It is never ending and tedious. She is tone-deaf to any hint that there is work to be done. Thank you - that was cathartic!

catscatscatseverywhere · 04/04/2022 16:22

I totally get you. I hate phone calls, because then you also don't have proof what happened.

Runnerduck34 · 04/04/2022 23:53

I dont mind a chat, work can be kind of boring without human interaction, we're not robots and I've got some really good friends I met through work.
So.maybe he's lonely or bored and just wants a chat.
But yes he should pick up on signals that say I'm not interested in talking to you or I'm really busy and cant spare the time. So have a few strategies up your sleeve, like a deadline, or meeting in a few mins or another call coming in etc.
But I dont find small talk with colleagues tedious maybe spare him a few minutes before cutting him off, in any case its always useful to build good relationships at work in case you ever need a favour.

WelshyMaud · 05/04/2022 00:11

We have an ongoing problem with a team who've integrated into our department this year who are based abroad - because any email or Teams message is met with very polite but insistent requests to zoom and chat it through instead.

It's awkward because I have an impression they've been encouraged to do this from their line management in order to help their English. They're all fluent English speakers but very obviously as a second language. I can't quite put my finger on why - just a general impression, the zoom requests are very uniform and the brief filler chat about weather, workload, are you busy, how are restrictions with you now sound almost scripted and like you'd expect someone in language night school to be learning and practicing iyswim.

I totally understand why they'd encourage this but I must send 20 emails a day, a decent proportion of which are to this team. To get 5-8 responses a day for a call to chat it through first (which is followed by a confirmation email with the details I needed anyway!) is a huge waste of my time. I was willing to go with it at first but more and more I feel like screaming 'I'm not your bloody language tutor, just send me a damn email!'.

It's not even something that can be raised without coming across as unwelcoming/non inclusive/unsupportive etc.

dangerrabbit · 05/04/2022 00:16

Is your colleague uncle Colm? m.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm0RbUdXDMM

phishy · 05/04/2022 05:10

I don’t think he’s that nice, expecting a woman to listen to him drone on. I doubt that he bothers the men.

Mummy1608 · 05/04/2022 05:34

One strategy is just to keep working while he's talking.

Him: "so then you'll never guess what happened next blah blah"
You: (loud typing noises)
Him: atnaforange are you there?
You: oh sorry what were you saying? Have you got those numbers for me?

Keep doing this a few times and he'll stop calling. Strategic incompetence (at small talk)

PAFMO · 05/04/2022 05:39

@user1471457751

What does having a toddler got to do with this?

Or being pregnant tbf.

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