To not want my DF (father) here?

[Lovemusic33]

My DF turned up at my house on Saturday and said his partner had kicked him out, they have been together for 12+ years and he was living in her house so she had every right to kick him out. I didn’t offer him a sofa to sleep on so sat night he slept in his car. Yesterday I got home from shopping and he was in my house and hasn’t left since, declared he was sleeping on the sofa last night.

I am a single parent with 2 teens, both autistic, we haven’t had a man stay in our home for 6 years so teens are used to it being all female household, so it’s a huge change for them having my DF here. I’m also used to having my own space. I don’t have a spare room, my house is already too small for the 3 of us (DD’s have tiny box rooms), I also claim housing benefit as I’m DD’s carer, so technically I can’t have anyone else living here.

My DF will make me feel very guilty if I suggest him finding somewhere else to sleep, he obviously thinks he’s welcome here when at no point have I invited him to stay. I know I have to be thought with him but he’s in his late 60’s and his health isn’t that great.

AIBU for not wanting him here?

How do I tell him.

I have told him he can’t stay here.

I spent the morning helping him look at local 1 bed houses/flats, he doesn’t really do computers, online forms etc..l, can just about navigate Amazon, so I have emailed 2 letting agencies about rentals.

His ex told me to help he register for housing with the council but his assets are too high (over 16k) so he is not eligible.

He’s spending tonight in his camper, it’s at a friends house in their barn/workshop, he has access to electricity, he has a toilet and shower on board so will be fine. He already pays his Freida rent to keep his camper there.

He has secured a storage room/office and can start moving thing into it once contracts are sorted.

Things are moving….slowly.

It’s not so much him sleeping here that’s the issue, if he arrived at 10pm and left by 9am, it’s the fact he’s been hanging around all day, mopping and watching tv, it means I can’t go out as I don’t want to give him a spare key. I kicked him out today because he told me he was going to stay out all day and then sleep in the camper (at 10am he said this)
, he left for a hour and then came back. I made an excuse that I had to go somewhere and asked him to leave. Hopefully I won’t see him again today.

You're being very kind to help him out so much. Do make sure you don't fall into being his default PA, won't you?

Considering the father he wasn't, you have been very kind.

Don't get sucked into being his PA!

Stay strong @Lovemusic33. I know things are difficult- and you may even feel some (unnecessary) guilt. But keeping him out of your home and away from your family really is the best thing for all of you. Good luck for a smooth transition. 🌹

Just checking in to wish you the best for the weekend and I hope things are getting easier for you by now @Lovemusic33.

The camper with all the services sounds much more comfortable anyway if he was only on a couch at yours

@LookItsMeAgain

Just checking in to wish you the best for the weekend and I hope things are getting easier for you by now *@Lovemusic33*.

Thank you, he’s still sleeping here but not here during the day, we now have covid in the house (dd). He was hoping to have his Campervan on the road in the next few days but is struggling to find a garage to fix the fault on it 😬. He’s not sleeping very well on the sofa so I am hoping he sorts the camper and starts using it until he secures a rented house. I have found several properties for him to view but everything seems to move so slowly and now it’s the weekend things have come to a halt.