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Original poster

To start turning off the router at night?

81 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 00:00

I have 3 dds aged 20, 19 and 15. Older two are away at university during term time.

Youngest dd is on the autistic spectrum. We’ve had so many problems lately with anxiety and school refusal (erratic attendance, she’s not refusing completely).

She keeps very late hours, I know many autistic kids struggle with sleep.

Up till 6 months ago I had parental screen restrictions on her phone and laptop to switch off at 11pm (later than I’d like but we compromised). Then she persuaded me to try no restrictions because the deadline was making her anxious to get everything finished before the deadline. I agreed to try it.

Six months on and her sleep is worse than ever. She’s exhausted in the mornings and napping after school (if she goes).

However she is adamant that late night screen use is NOT the reason she isn’t going to school but she can’t or won’t open up what the problem is.

I’m now thinking that instead of putting restrictions back on her devices (which will be a battle in itself) I’ll turn the router off at night for all of us. My older two probably won’t be happy and dh and I like to watch something before sleep which isn’t a great habit I know, but we’re adults and don’t refuse to get up for work!

I feel I’ve been too soft about this and it’s hard to get back some control now.

OP posts:
mynamesnotMa · 03/04/2022 00:01

Yeah do it

toomuchlaundry · 03/04/2022 00:02

I assume removing the gadgets after a certain time wouldn’t be possible?

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 00:03

@toomuchlaundry

I assume removing the gadgets after a certain time wouldn’t be possible?
Would result in arguments and stress all round
OP posts:
Luzina · 03/04/2022 00:07

We turn the WiFi off at midnight every night. It definitely helps.

Chickychoccyegg · 03/04/2022 00:10

But doesn't she have data anyway? I don't think my dc would notice if I turned the WiFi off unfortunately

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 00:12

@Chickychoccyegg someone told me if you speak to your phone provider they might be able to restrict the time data is available.

OP posts:
FairyCakeWings · 03/04/2022 00:12

If you’re going to do it, now is the perfect time. You can make it all about a family sacrifice to save money now that energy prices have risen instead of it being about your youngest.

Chickychoccyegg · 03/04/2022 00:17

Ah really @bendmeoverbackwards, I didn't know that..very interesting Grin

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 00:19

@Chickychoccyegg

Ah really *@bendmeoverbackwards*, I didn't know that..very interesting Grin
I don’t know for sure, I haven’t checked yet, but will ask my phone provider.

@FairyCakeWings that’s a good point.

OP posts:
LondonQueen · 03/04/2022 00:25

Yes, turning it off will save energy too which is good in the current situation.

ThurstonArmbrister · 03/04/2022 00:26

I wouldn't turn it off, I'd speak to my phone provider like you say and see what they suggest.

I used to turn my router off, then when I had BT out to investigate my slow broadband they told me to leave it on because if the BT line card (out in the green box in the street) sees a router connection going on and off it automatically slows the connection speed to try to prevent this.

ididntevennotice · 03/04/2022 00:29

We turn ours off at midnight, have done for years.

LoveSpringDaffs · 03/04/2022 00:31

It'll probably save about 3p a night won't it?

I would just put the restrictions back on her gadgets. Have one tantrum over it & it's done. Tell her you 'tried' but it didn't work. Maybe if she goes to school every day she can have it left on Friday night?!

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 03/04/2022 00:52

There are a number of ways you can restrict DD's access to the WiFi without having to compromise everyone else's by turning it off.

You could set up a guest network and turn that off at a specific time, or filter by MAC so that her devices only have access to specific channels. I'm pretty certain that most modern routers also have options to limit access to specific channels by time and can be set to boot specific devices depending on how long they have been connected.

And yes, to echo what has already been said, you don't want to be constantly booting your router multiple times a day if it can be helped anyway.

BoredZelda · 03/04/2022 00:54

School refusal is rarely about one single issue. I’d be trying to get to the bottom of that than focusing on screen time.

Theworldspinsonmyhead · 03/04/2022 01:03

It sounds like she's not coping well and the device use is her crutch.

By all means, I don't think turning the wifi off is a bad idea for all to have a healthier bedtime. However is she finding it difficult to sleep due to anxiety? (Many children and young people take melatonin for sleep difficulties) Or is she struggling at school? If I were you I'd be looking at a discussion with school and possibly an ehcp review. MH difficulties make sleep very difficult.

Theworldspinsonmyhead · 03/04/2022 01:04

Sorry too early..:

And given her school refusal it's likely rooted there.

newyearnewwname2022 · 03/04/2022 01:18

My Dad had the router set to turn off at midnight for years - even way after I left home! I remember the first time I bought my now husband home to stay, he wasn’t allowed to sleep in my room with me, so the next morning had to pull me aside and ask what the duck happened to the internet overnight! I was so used to it going off at midnight by that point that it hadn’t occurred to me to warn him! We laugh about it all the time.

Hawkins001 · 03/04/2022 01:23

@bendmeoverbackwards

I have 3 dds aged 20, 19 and 15. Older two are away at university during term time.

Youngest dd is on the autistic spectrum. We’ve had so many problems lately with anxiety and school refusal (erratic attendance, she’s not refusing completely).

She keeps very late hours, I know many autistic kids struggle with sleep.

Up till 6 months ago I had parental screen restrictions on her phone and laptop to switch off at 11pm (later than I’d like but we compromised). Then she persuaded me to try no restrictions because the deadline was making her anxious to get everything finished before the deadline. I agreed to try it.

Six months on and her sleep is worse than ever. She’s exhausted in the mornings and napping after school (if she goes).

However she is adamant that late night screen use is NOT the reason she isn’t going to school but she can’t or won’t open up what the problem is.

I’m now thinking that instead of putting restrictions back on her devices (which will be a battle in itself) I’ll turn the router off at night for all of us. My older two probably won’t be happy and dh and I like to watch something before sleep which isn’t a great habit I know, but we’re adults and don’t refuse to get up for work!

I feel I’ve been too soft about this and it’s hard to get back some control now.

If they have mobile phones, they will likely connect to mobile data instead and use the phone as a mobile hotspot to connect e.g. Laptop to it ect
Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 09:15

@Theworldspinsonmyhead

It sounds like she's not coping well and the device use is her crutch.

By all means, I don't think turning the wifi off is a bad idea for all to have a healthier bedtime. However is she finding it difficult to sleep due to anxiety? (Many children and young people take melatonin for sleep difficulties) Or is she struggling at school? If I were you I'd be looking at a discussion with school and possibly an ehcp review. MH difficulties make sleep very difficult.

@Theworldspinsonmyhead it’s very difficult to get to the bottom of it. Dd won’t or can’t open up and I agree it’s a combination of issues. School have been very good and supportive, they have arranged a family support worker to visit us at home after Easter.
OP posts:
LittleDidSheKnow · 03/04/2022 09:25

I also have a 15YO DD with ASD and school refusal! She similarly would be on a screen all night if she could.
We have a no screens 'whatsoever' at 10pm rule. This is for everyone in the house so she doesn't feel picked on. At the time we say 'OK, you can have a couple more minutes to finish off', but then we put hers and her sisters phones and laptops in our bedroom.
The fact that it's regular and predictable makes it easy, almost as if it's just the way things are rather than us making her do something.

Works well for us.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 09:29

Thank you @LittleDidSheKnow I’m so annoyed with myself that I’ve allowed things to get to this stage. The problem is DD’s executive function is slow, it takes her ages to get started with homework then she’s working late.

OP posts:
Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 09:31

Should add if she was neurotypical I wouldn’t hesitate to put firm restrictions in place but lots of autistic kids/teens find their screens soothing, I don’t want to increase her anxiety.

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 03/04/2022 09:37

If you can't switch the router off, change the password at bed time. Midnight is still very late.

However, if she's savvy, she'll just download programs and films to watch.

Better to remove the devices

TheNameOfTheRoses · 03/04/2022 09:56

@FairyCakeWings

If you’re going to do it, now is the perfect time. You can make it all about a family sacrifice to save money now that energy prices have risen instead of it being about your youngest.
When I read the title, I thought this was what it would be about - redu ing cost of electricity.