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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start turning off the router at night?

81 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 00:00

I have 3 dds aged 20, 19 and 15. Older two are away at university during term time.

Youngest dd is on the autistic spectrum. We’ve had so many problems lately with anxiety and school refusal (erratic attendance, she’s not refusing completely).

She keeps very late hours, I know many autistic kids struggle with sleep.

Up till 6 months ago I had parental screen restrictions on her phone and laptop to switch off at 11pm (later than I’d like but we compromised). Then she persuaded me to try no restrictions because the deadline was making her anxious to get everything finished before the deadline. I agreed to try it.

Six months on and her sleep is worse than ever. She’s exhausted in the mornings and napping after school (if she goes).

However she is adamant that late night screen use is NOT the reason she isn’t going to school but she can’t or won’t open up what the problem is.

I’m now thinking that instead of putting restrictions back on her devices (which will be a battle in itself) I’ll turn the router off at night for all of us. My older two probably won’t be happy and dh and I like to watch something before sleep which isn’t a great habit I know, but we’re adults and don’t refuse to get up for work!

I feel I’ve been too soft about this and it’s hard to get back some control now.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 03/04/2022 12:37

You should be able just to turn off wifi inside the router management page without turning the router off at the wall. Routers aren't designed to be turned off and on every day - as PP have said, it could cause your internet to slow down as the constant reconnection and disconnection will flag there is potentially an issue with line stability. If you Google your router model, you should be able to find how to do it.

jessieminto · 03/04/2022 12:39

@ididntevennotice This is quite common to not notice the speed issues if you are not a 'data hungry' house or maybe your line is slow anyway.

Or maybe your ISP has built an algorithm to spot router shut at the same time each night and ignore it. Mine doesn't do this, I've asked for it and been told it's too technically complicated and I'm not aware others do it. But it would be awesome.

Also, a router costs around £6 per year to run, and switching it off at night will save around £2 per year in electric.

balalake · 03/04/2022 12:50

Yes 100% turn it off. Use the cost of energy as an excuse if needs be, though be prepared to be consistent with other things such as turning off lights.

ididntevennotice · 03/04/2022 12:52

[quote jessieminto]@ididntevennotice This is quite common to not notice the speed issues if you are not a 'data hungry' house or maybe your line is slow anyway.

Or maybe your ISP has built an algorithm to spot router shut at the same time each night and ignore it. Mine doesn't do this, I've asked for it and been told it's too technically complicated and I'm not aware others do it. But it would be awesome.

Also, a router costs around £6 per year to run, and switching it off at night will save around £2 per year in electric. [/quote]

We use lost and have the fastest available to is. I realise this is your job but please don't tell me I 'haven't realised' something when i say it has not happened to me in well over 20 years. Can you maybe just respect that everybody's experience is not the same?

As an aside I don't switch it off to save money, I do it because I am fixated on switching plugs off wherever possible. Literally the only things left on at night are the boiler and the fridge. That's an issue of my own though, just not related to cost

ididntevennotice · 03/04/2022 12:53

Use lots Blush

megletthesecond · 03/04/2022 12:56

I also have a teen with suspected ASD who cannot cope with a phone. She smashed hers last week (phone number 7 in two years) and she's been lovely since.
I agree you need to do something. Some teens cannot cope with a phone.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/04/2022 12:58

If you have a smattering on technical interest, some routers allow you to restrict access to specific devices at specific times. Which means you don't have to piss off everyone in the house. Your broadband provider will give you info about your router, but this is the general principle...

(The MAC here doesn't refer to Apple Computers, but to Media Access Control. Every device on the planet has a unique idea that makes this work.)

www.lifewire.com/enabling-mac-address-filtering-wireless-router-816571

SE13Mummy · 03/04/2022 13:02

15 is tricky at the best of times and wanting to be independent is part of that. Whilst some 15 year olds can manage their time and aren't problematically anxious, that's not true for all of them and actually, sometimes we have to put in the structure they're resisting because it's in their best interests. Some teenagers need to be told this and hear that her preferred route of no limits on devices and letting her manage her own time isn't helping reduce her anxiety so something different needs to be done. If she had a broken leg, you would help by providing crutches, lifts to places, easier-to-wear clothes, a cast cover for showers, appointments at fracture clinics etc., if she were diabetic, you would help count carbs, provide appropriate snacks, sort insulin prescriptions etc. and it's likely some of this help would be imposed because you're her parent and know it's necessary for her health and well-being. Her health needs different support along the lines of...
option 1: you will help her plan her work each evening along the lines of my previous post
option 2: she write a work plan by 5pm each day and will hand over her phone/lock down devices being used for homework until that day's work plan is done
option 3: an alternative suggestion she has come up with that involves starting work no later than 7pm and has opportunities for adult check-in built in to it

If she's given the options written down and has time to think about them before needing to come to a decision, would that be helpful for her? It might be a way around having to discuss things whilst still achieving a routine?

TheRealityCheque · 03/04/2022 13:05

@SilverHairedCat

If you can't switch the router off, change the password at bed time. Midnight is still very late.

However, if she's savvy, she'll just download programs and films to watch.

Better to remove the devices

Changing the password every day, twice is even more batshit than switching the router off every day (which is stupid)
bluebell34567 · 03/04/2022 13:18

havent rtft but not good idea to turn off router any time. there are updates done on them from time to time as far as i know.

ModerationInEverything · 03/04/2022 13:26

We got an eero to improve the wi-fi coverage in the house. It's great and you can use the app to restrict individually devices access to the internet. You could just turn off her devices when you go to bed.

mynamesnotMa · 03/04/2022 13:33

What you can automatically restrict your router times I'd asked for this they said no. I often take the whole thing with me if kids are playing up.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 13:52

@SE13Mummy she does a lot of dance classes and is sometimes out at classes till past 8.30pm. I don't want to restrict her classes because it's sort of like her therapy and so important for her physical and mental health. I do encourage her to do homework before her classes but it usually falls on deaf ears.

I have checked my BT account online and it seems quite easy to turn the router off between certain times. But that's not much help if she can just use data Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 03/04/2022 13:54

Anyway dh and I are seeing the psychologist on Tuesday so won't do anything until we've discussed it with her.

As an aside - I went into dd's room to wake her at 12.30pm. She was a bit sheepish and said she had set her alarm for 11am but went back to sleep. I told her that unrestricted access wasn't working and I am going to think of a different plan. Cue lots of pleas - 'it was a one-off', 'give me a chance' etc etc FFS.

OP posts:
BetsyBigNose · 03/04/2022 14:23

If you do decide to turn the router off at night, but you and your DH had hoped to watch something via Netflix, Prime BBC iPlayer etc., then you could always download a series or episode during the day so that you have things available to watch without requiring internet access.

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2022 14:37

I see things have moved on a bit since your OP, but FWIW, we have a really good signal booster thing as our broadband was a bit shite in some parts of the house - ORBI it's called - and one of the magical things you can do when it's all set up is turn the Wi-fi off on individual devices.

Not sure what your DD's data package looks like, but most have a monthly limit don't they? She'll soon use up all her data if she's on it all night won't she?

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/04/2022 14:50

[quote WalkingOnTheCracks]If you have a smattering on technical interest, some routers allow you to restrict access to specific devices at specific times. Which means you don't have to piss off everyone in the house. Your broadband provider will give you info about your router, but this is the general principle...

(The MAC here doesn't refer to Apple Computers, but to Media Access Control. Every device on the planet has a unique idea that makes this work.)

www.lifewire.com/enabling-mac-address-filtering-wireless-router-816571[/quote]
ID. Not idea.

LoveSpringDaffs · 03/04/2022 16:32

@ididntevennotice

I would just put the restrictions back on her gadgets. Have one tantrum over it & it's done. Tell her you 'tried' but it didn't work. Maybe if she goes to school every day she can have it left on Friday night?!

Tell me you know nothing about autism without telling me you know nothing about autism Hmm

@ididntevennotice

A very lazy & twatish 'conclusion' I'm afraid.

ididntevennotice · 03/04/2022 16:46

@LoveSpringDaffs

Did you actually just call me anyway for showing your ignorance Hmm

Christ.

honeyytoast · 03/04/2022 17:39

Yep. Coming from someone who was at school only a few years ago I’d be exhausted staying up on my phone and wouldn’t want to go in in the morning, I did insist to my mum it wasn’t the phone but it definitely was. Will help in long run

GeneLovesJezebel · 03/04/2022 17:40

I switch ours off on the way up to bed. Always have done, no arguments.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/04/2022 17:45

Personally I wouldn’t as that’s the time your ISP will be sending updates and the like down the line.

Get a mesh thing for your house, attach to the router and allow passwords only to the mesh. You can control devices via that without turning off the router then.

Catshaveiteasy · 03/04/2022 17:51

I haven't read the whole thread but I don't think it is the answer. We have had a similar issue with our dd 16. We also talked about removing the wifi, but 1) she has data, 2) she could just download, 3) she insisted she couldn't sleep anyway and that it wasn't keeping her awake, her anxiety was. In fact she felt that listening to music / videos helped her sleep. It's also quite an aggressive act and is in no way addressing the real issue.

Dd has had CAMHS support for some years but her anxiety / depression escalated, especially last year in y11 when she really struggled with lockdown and attending school when school was open.

Since then she's seen a psychiatrist and started a low dose anti depressant, which has helped her mood a lot, but things still aren't perfect. She told the psych re her sleep issues at a follow up appointment and was given melatonin. This has really helped her fall asleep more quickly but we were told she should make her own decision as to what time to take it. It's always after 11.00 which I feel is too late, but it does really help. She often snoozes on the sofa after a day at college which isn't great, but at least she's no longer upset about not sleeping at night and can get up in the mornings. There have been fewer times when she has refused to go in.

LoveSpringDaffs · 03/04/2022 19:52

[quote ididntevennotice]@LoveSpringDaffs

Did you actually just call me anyway for showing your ignorance Hmm

Christ. [/quote]
@ididntevennotice

No, I didn't call you 'anyway'

Trust me I'm not ignorant WRT Autism. Your original post to me was lazy & twattish.

But I suggest we leave it here before we derail the thread.

ididntevennotice · 03/04/2022 20:01

That was obviously a typo, I didn't realise it as I never read my comment back after I posted it. But you know that, because you are right, you didn't call me 'anyway'.

My post wasn't lazy and twattish at all. My post was bas d on your apparent ignorance. If you don't want people drawing such conclusions then don't post ridiculous comments.

Also, just for the record, you may suggest we 'leave it' as much as you like, you are not able to police my posts.