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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect dh to stop boasting

88 replies

Urchinelle · 02/04/2022 16:54

Dh pretty much only looks after 18 month old ds while he is asleep. He will frame in such a way "I know you've had a rough night so I'll let you have a couple of hours to yourself this afternoon", and this will be while ds has his nap. During this time, dh can do what he wants and he can also do what he wants for a couple of hours after ds wakes up, because I've already had a couple of hours to myself. Which I would get anyway if ds was asleep and dh wasn't there...
I'm sick of being told how grateful I should be, I get he could be a lot worse but he boasts all the time about what a great father and husband he is.
He turned down a night out recently which I'd told him to go on as didn't want to stop him doing stuff and didn't want him going on about it, and he keeps going on about how he did this for me because I'm not allowed to go out so it's in solidarity, isn't he great... Yet he goes on holiday with mates without me! (twice since ds birth) and often goes out for a few hours to see his mate/do his hobby.
I do all the nights and work ft, apart from work the longest I've had away from ds is a 4 hour shopping trip.
I'm just getting a bit tired of constantly being told how grateful I should be. I don't tell him he is lucky he gets to go away for a week/sleep all night /go out in the evening, it's just a given.

OP posts:
TillyTopper · 02/04/2022 16:58

That sounds annoying! Personally I'd be engineering DH parenting your DC when baby isn't asleep. "I'm so tired I'll have a lie in, but as you're so good with DC I know you'll be fine". "I'm out this morning, popping to the shops, I'll leave DC with you".

Over praise - but milk it to get him doing stuff that meaningful.

CheshireChat · 02/04/2022 17:00

Start doing the same to him.

Canhearthemice · 02/04/2022 17:01

Sounds like Paul from motherland. I too have one of those

FloralsForSpring · 02/04/2022 17:02

What a dick

Jengnr · 02/04/2022 17:02

Why are you not allowed to go out? xx

nldnmum02 · 02/04/2022 17:02

He sounds insufferable. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

gamerchick · 02/04/2022 17:08

Next time he does it tell him 'great, you can do it when he's awake then'. Especially if it's in front of people. Why your haven't already I can't guess.

Why don't you get to go out?

Gowithme · 02/04/2022 17:12

YABVU to allow this to keep happening, he sounds like a bit of a dick tbh and you really need to set him straight.

dipdye · 02/04/2022 17:13

Yeah, nip out when your little one is awake.

Even up the odds

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2022 17:14

He will frame in such a way "I know you've had a rough night so I'll let you have a couple of hours to yourself this afternoon"

Fab I'd like that between 4 and 6 (or whenever DC is awake).

As for never going out. Go out.

Movingonup22 · 02/04/2022 17:17

Just confirming that you really REALLY don’t need to put up with this shit from him.

lonelydad2021 · 02/04/2022 17:18

Why you don't tell him?

Annoy · 02/04/2022 17:20

Soo he’s baby sitting his own child… for you?! Fuck sake! He’s a twat!

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/04/2022 17:22

How are you “not allowed” to go out? Who’s stopping you arranging a night out with friends or going out for a coffee? I’d be knocking that on the head pretty damn quick if I were you. Go out and enjoy yourself, leave baby with his wonderful dad.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2022 17:25

I don't get how this happens every time.

How does the conversation go...

'Oooh ds is asleep. I'll look after him now' ?!?

'Oooh he's awake now. Your turn.'

Just say 'nah, mate, I'm having 4-6pm (or whatever) as my two hours off today'

And why haven't you gone out?

If you both work full time, then it's obviously 50/50 childcare and housework at all other times.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 02/04/2022 17:28

Here we go again.............

Annoy · 02/04/2022 17:40

@AChocolateOrangeaday

Here we go again.............
I know! It’s so weird!
RedHelenB · 02/04/2022 17:40

@Jengnr

Why are you not allowed to go out? xx
And why don't you tell him he's lucky to go out to do his hobbies and go on holiday as a parent and you don't get to go? Stop playing the martyr and TELL him, I'm off out with my friends, going away for a couple of days etc.
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/04/2022 17:43

because I'm not allowed to go out

Why are you not allowed to go out?

chisanunian · 02/04/2022 17:44

he keeps going on about how he did this for me because I'm not allowed to go out

Why are you not allowed to go out?

LittleBearPad · 02/04/2022 17:45

Why can’t you go out?

SnowingInApril · 02/04/2022 17:46

I don’t understand all the point scoring. Aren’t you supposed to be raising this child together? If you need more time to yourself, surely you just explain this to him rather then totting up a couple of hours here and a weekend away there? Sounds exhausting.

Neongoddess · 02/04/2022 17:47

@AChocolateOrangeaday

Here we go again.............
Am I missing something?

Op why aren't you allowed to go out?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 02/04/2022 17:52

Urgh my exh made a big deal of letting me lie in at the weekends... He got up with the 3 x dc and gave them cereal. Then sent them to play upstairs in their bedrooms.. Either side of ours.
While he napped on the sofa..
Twat.

Bagelsandbrie · 02/04/2022 17:57

“Not allowed to go out…?” Eh?!

What?

Make sure you go out. All day. Leave Ds with him.