To expect dh to stop boasting

[Urchinelle]

Dh pretty much only looks after 18 month old ds while he is asleep. He will frame in such a way "I know you've had a rough night so I'll let you have a couple of hours to yourself this afternoon", and this will be while ds has his nap. During this time, dh can do what he wants and he can also do what he wants for a couple of hours after ds wakes up, because I've already had a couple of hours to myself. Which I would get anyway if ds was asleep and dh wasn't there...
I'm sick of being told how grateful I should be, I get he could be a lot worse but he boasts all the time about what a great father and husband he is.
He turned down a night out recently which I'd told him to go on as didn't want to stop him doing stuff and didn't want him going on about it, and he keeps going on about how he did this for me because I'm not allowed to go out so it's in solidarity, isn't he great... Yet he goes on holiday with mates without me! (twice since ds birth) and often goes out for a few hours to see his mate/do his hobby.
I do all the nights and work ft, apart from work the longest I've had away from ds is a 4 hour shopping trip.
I'm just getting a bit tired of constantly being told how grateful I should be. I don't tell him he is lucky he gets to go away for a week/sleep all night /go out in the evening, it's just a given.

Why are you doing everything when you’re also working????

Do what I just did and go to the shops leave your son with your dh and enjoy your afternoon child free. Honestly yes you can go out, I have 4 and if I stayed in all the time I’d be demented

If dh stops boasting, the roast potatoes won't be all nice and crispy.

I'll get my coat. 🏃🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️

I don't know where all those things like Haribos came from!

Sod that. He needs to get his priorities in order. The child belongs to BOTH of you.

Why does he get to go out (and away) and you don't?

Have you said all this to him?

He's doing the sprat to catch mackerel technique and you've seen through it.
I would just say it straight 'H, there's no point you having DS while he's asleep. I'd rather you took him for a couple of hours after'
'H, I'd much rather you went on the odd night out than a full blown holiday' etc.

I hear you OP! Mine has to do a fanfare every time he does anything.

Unattractive isn’t it 😐

Sorry what do you mean you’re not allowed out?

so, ds is asleep, you do whatever you want, go out, read, whatever.

Then ds wakes up and you go up to bed for a little sleep.

I just don't understand why women don't call their men out on this.
If dh did this, the first time, meh, the second time I'd laught my socks off at the idea that he had looked after ds while he was asleep!

But then he isn't a knob, so he would know it wasn't ok

Did he tell you you're not allowed to go out????

Why can’t you go out?

Another man who sounds like a douche 🙄

@Neverreturntoathread

I hear you OP! Mine has to do a fanfare every time he does anything.

Unattractive isn’t it 😐

He's engineering it so he doesn't have to do anything. Twice.

He’s a dad not a babysitter.

When i read threads like this i just cant believe this is real. How does anyone put up with something like this?
Im a SAHM and DH works full time and we still split everything on the weekend. He even shock horror cooks dinner sometimes for himself and the kids when he gets home from a full day of work, because i go for a run or to the gym.
He told me once when i complained that i should feel lucky because most men are much worse than him. I told him most men arent married to me and he wont be anymore either if he stops pulling his weight.
Women have to stop putting up with this shit.

Intrigued to know what you mean by 'you're not allowed to go out' .... says who??!

Your husband sounds like a knob. Next time he 'offers' you a couple of hours, you set the time and make sure it's during kiddos waking hours. Next time your bubba wakes up in the night, give darling husband a kick and tell him it's his turn.
Friday night, announce you're off out and have a lovely evening with your friends!

Your husband isn't going to change, so you need to make it happen. Literally no point on moaning if you're just letting the situation continue.

I was the martyr Mum of three for 16 years and it NEVER got appreciated. Now, 5 years after divorcing that dickwad, he's blocked me and doesn't offer any help with his own kids.
Stop now and live your life the way you want to. Be belligerent and don't explain yourself because that opens up an opportunity for them to argue their side.

Genuine question to the innumerable women with bone idle, infantile, self-absorbed, selfish, irresponsible husbands / partners: was he like this before you had kids? There seems to be a massive transformation in many men when kids arrive, or were they always like this?

Tell him what you’ve written.

Why is up to him to lay down the law?

He says he’s looked after DS, you say erm no you didn’t he was asleep, look after him when he’s awake to give me a break.

Do you feel you can have a conversation with him?

Go out! 18 months in you're a mum not a martyr!

You need to say to him, "Thanks for the offer of help, but actually I'd like you to interact with DS while he's awake so you can build a relationship with him. Why don't you take him out to the playground/to feed the ducks, or do some playdoh or play toys with him when he wakes up? I'll go out then to give you some father-son time."

Why don't you say something?

Actually, scratch the "Thanks for the offer of help...' bit. It's not help, it's parenting, after all.

Urgh. This reminds me of when I was in hospital for 2 days when my DC was about 18 months, so my DH had to actually step up and look after him. I never heard the end of it. Even my FIL kept saying how proud he was of his son for doing it! FFS no one says they're proud of me for caring for my child 24hours a day, every day! It's my DH's own child, he should bloody well look after him! So irritating.

Have you all been on holiday together?