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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do happy relationships actually exist???

102 replies

Pinkorchid23 · 02/04/2022 10:54

Long term user here. Just overwhelmed and really swamped down with the vast amount of
"Dh cheating on me with ow"
"Dh messaging work colleague"
"Dh hit me/choked me"
"Dh does nothing around the house"
"Dh says he is unattracted to me"
"Dh doesnt love me/isnt happy anymore"

And to be honest it isnt even the mens appalling horrific behaviour that is the most depressing shocking of it all. Its how many women are out there living these real miserable lives and who are constantly lacking any self worth or allowing it to be belittled by these by men.

Its not just online, in real life all hetero relationships I know are like this including my own parents (now seperated). I try to stay optimistic as I want to prove to myself good love does exist and I have my own relationship. However when ever I go ons mns (alot) sometimes I think whats the point of getting married? That my relationship is doomed to end in an affair/betrayal or abuse. Reading about so many women that swore blind they could trust their "dps" whole heartedly to then ne crushed, homeless and jobless after the man ruins the relationship is so scary to me.

What is the point of it all then? I know no relationship is perfect but some of the things I read on here are criminal and my heart breaks for the user on the other side of the screen.

Yes i know people dont generally tend to post happy things which is why im making this thread. Its gotten so bad I have alot of nightmares on my partner cheating/leaving me.

Please enlighten me as to whether real love and happy endings arent just fairy tales

Yabu - of course happy healthy love/relationship exists

Yanbu - i dont believe in them either

OP posts:
RiverRats · 02/04/2022 15:40

Been with DH for 6 years, married for nearly 3 years, 2 young DC. We’re extremely happy, he’s the best man I’ve ever met, he’s an incredible dad, he’s wonderful with my family, he’s funny and handsome and I really couldn’t be happier. He’s been my rock since having DC and navigating parenting and breastfeeding 2 under 2, I don’t know where I’d be without him. And I like to think that he likes me too.

VeganGod · 02/04/2022 15:42

I have a good relationship. We’ve been together almost 25 years and it’s always been very easy. We just get on and he’s a good man. He’s my best friend too. After seeing my parents awful relationship and what it meant for them and us as children, I swore I’d never settle for less.

I probably know three other couples that seem to have a good, healthy relationship. The others are a mixture of ok to absolutely toxic, full of jealousy, affairs, game playing, punishments, tit for tat, one not pulling their weight, domestic violence, etc. I just think it’s such a waste of their life. And some of the kids are really impacted.

SevenWaystoLeave · 02/04/2022 15:43

@Grumpasaurusrex

BTW try posting anything positive about your life on MN, or even anything neutral. Anything short of tragic will get you an accusation of 'stealth boasting'.
And somebody will find a "red flag" and tell you to ltb no matter how happy a story you post
EssexLioness · 02/04/2022 15:48

Of course they do! Been together 18 years and we have never been happier. One of my friends is in a wonderful relationship as well as my sister and a couple of other relatives (from what I can tell). Interestingly myself, friend and sister are all child free too

AHungryCaterpillar · 02/04/2022 15:49

These threads make me laugh as they pop up often just because people only see negative things written on MN they assume all relationships must be bad, no people only post when things are bad/going wrong, no one posts about happy relationships as they would have no need to, if relationships were so bad then women wouldn’t be so desperate to be in them as most women don’t seem to want to stay single or be happy alone, I’ve been single for 5 years (not through choice) and irl people make out like I’m some kind of freak!

Parky04 · 02/04/2022 15:50

@lap90

Of course.

Having said that, i am surprised at just how many 'cheating' threads there are.

50% of them are made up!
VeganGod · 02/04/2022 15:58

These threads make me laugh as they pop up often just because people only see negative things written on MN they assume all relationships must be bad

I don’t believe much on mumsnet, but I do see a lot of unhealthy relationships in real life unfortunately.

NowEvenBetter · 02/04/2022 16:21

Reading threads here is giving you nightmares?
The only point of a relationship is that it’s meant to enhance your life, it’s meant to be fun, pleasant, safe. Plenty of people accept absolute shit in to their beds and then act shocked that their lives are hellish, wouldn’t be something I’d be into, but it is a popular choice-drudgery and misery.

XingMing · 02/04/2022 16:35

See above!

Bloodybridget · 02/04/2022 16:59

The five heterosexual couples I know best seem to have very good relationships, and have been together at least 30 years.

Bywayofanupdate · 02/04/2022 17:04

I am in a very happy relationship, 13 years in

SauceGirl · 02/04/2022 17:09

These boards are basically places for women to moan about their husbands, so obviously you're not gonna get endless tales of sunshine and roses!

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 02/04/2022 17:15

Yabu.
I'm 17 years into my relationship with DH, and 8 years married, and it's easy and lovely. He's faithful, kind, supportive, funny. Hes not jealous. He looks after his looks and health. Hes decent with money and doesnt have debts. Hes not ambitious, but has never been out of work. Hes goid to ky mum and my friends.
Many of my friends could say the same about their husbands too.
HOWEVER the issue of men not pulling their weight around the house is a constant theme of my and all of my friends' relationships. Dh does, but only because I put in place very firm rules about 2 years ago when I felt like I was drowning.
Good relationships are out there OP.

Ejk1990 · 02/04/2022 17:46

People won't talk about the good on here. I've been with my husband for 13 years and we have a 50/50 relationship.

We have our blips and drive eachother mad sometimes. But I love him and I think he loves me! (Well I hope so).

KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa · 02/04/2022 17:48

I'm very happily married, been together 17 years, we are very much in love. Don't get me wrong day to day life juggling working ft and 3 young children has its moments of course it does, but we are happy. My parents have been together nearly 50 years, my in laws the same, I think it helps if you have good role models for what a healthy relationship is.

Could you imagine someone starting a thread on here saying how great their life is, they are so in love and count themselves lucky everyday. Their husband does more than his share, he's an amazing dad and is loving and caring in every way possible. I think most replies would go "well bully for you" or the nasty aibu lot "he's having an affair" 🤣🤣!! People only post and reach out for help when things go wrong. Most people don't want to read about someone gloating how great life is and how in love they are.

ouch12345 · 02/04/2022 19:34

Whilst me and DH are far from perfect we have a very happy marriage. He is the lovliest man and I adore him and he adores me.

I think you only hear the worst of it as people who are desperately seeking advice in rubbish situations.

It would be the same if you looked on any of the parenting threads, you'd think being a parent was none stop hard work and never a happy moment but in reality that's obviously not the case.

knittingaddict · 02/04/2022 19:38

Of course they.

I'm hardly going to start a thread about my very happy 35 year marriage am I? That would be very tactless and smug when others are struggling. But since you ask I'll take that as permission.

ladygindiva · 02/04/2022 19:42

Hmm. I think both yanbu but also yabu. My own relationship, whilst generally stable, and one I want to last has its strengths ie he is respectful of me as a person, pulls his weight with the kids, never cheats, never puts me down or is deliberately unkind, I'm attracted to him but also its challenges that rise up from time to time,eg he can take things for granted, isn't very romantic, isn't very good at emotional empathy although he tries, he can be annoying. We face those challenges and then things improve and we become very happy again. Its sort of like an ebb and flow of various levels from OK to happy. But I feel that I love him every day and I want him in my life.

Nutellaonall · 02/04/2022 19:42

Yep very happy ten years in. Why would I start a post about it?

Twospaniels · 02/04/2022 19:46

Absolutely
But people don’t usually post good news, it’s usually bad news and complaints.
I’ve been with my DH for 36.5 yrs and we are still happy and enjjoy each others company.
We don’t argue but do have disagreements occasionally, but on the whole are very very happy together.

Blossomtoes · 02/04/2022 19:50

Happy relationship here after 24 years. We’ve weathered a lot but we’re still here and I’m so grateful for it.

Babdoc · 02/04/2022 19:54

OP, my inlaws were happily married for 60 years. They even worked together all day on their home business. When FIL died at home, aged 91, his final words to MIL were “I love you”.
My own DH and I adored each other too. He was a wonderful dad to our babies, and my soulmate. We had 16 great years together before his untimely death at 36. I still love him and miss him 30 years later.
DH’s granny was widowed at 40, and was still re-reading her late DH’s love letters shortly before she died in her 90s.

So yes, happy marriages do exist! Perhaps they even run in families…

mydogisthebest · 02/04/2022 20:45

Me and DH got married 5 months after meeting. 42 years later we are still very much in love and happy.

Of course things are not always perfect and we have had our ups and downs but we are definitely best friends as well as husband and wife and both prefer spending time with each other than anyone else.

Both my siblings have been married 40 years and are very happy. My parents were married for 68 years when they died last year and were very much in love. Always holding hands and cuddling.

I have 6 cousins and 4 of them have long happy marriages - 26 years, 28 years, 32 years and 36 years.

The other 2 cousins are divorced but they are the only divorces in my family. Everyone else has only ever had the 1 marriage.

Me and DH don't have children and I definitely think that makes a difference, makes it easier to have a happy relationship. It's well know that children place a strain on a relationship and lots of my friends say their marriage started to go wrong when they had children.

Amongst our family and friends by far the majority that have happy marriages are the child free ones

earlydoors42 · 02/04/2022 20:51

My relationship is happy, but I can't go on the relationships board as it was making me anxious. I feel a lot better since I banned myself from there.

NurseBernard · 02/04/2022 21:22

So yes, happy marriages do exist! Perhaps they even run in families…

There’s definitely a pattern.

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