Do happy relationships actually exist???

[Pinkorchid23]

Long term user here. Just overwhelmed and really swamped down with the vast amount of
"Dh cheating on me with ow"
"Dh messaging work colleague"
"Dh hit me/choked me"
"Dh does nothing around the house"
"Dh says he is unattracted to me"
"Dh doesnt love me/isnt happy anymore"

And to be honest it isnt even the mens appalling horrific behaviour that is the most depressing shocking of it all. Its how many women are out there living these real miserable lives and who are constantly lacking any self worth or allowing it to be belittled by these by men.

Its not just online, in real life all hetero relationships I know are like this including my own parents (now seperated). I try to stay optimistic as I want to prove to myself good love does exist and I have my own relationship. However when ever I go ons mns (alot) sometimes I think whats the point of getting married? That my relationship is doomed to end in an affair/betrayal or abuse. Reading about so many women that swore blind they could trust their "dps" whole heartedly to then ne crushed, homeless and jobless after the man ruins the relationship is so scary to me.

What is the point of it all then? I know no relationship is perfect but some of the things I read on here are criminal and my heart breaks for the user on the other side of the screen.

Yes i know people dont generally tend to post happy things which is why im making this thread. Its gotten so bad I have alot of nightmares on my partner cheating/leaving me.

Please enlighten me as to whether real love and happy endings arent just fairy tales

Yabu - of course happy healthy love/relationship exists

Yanbu - i dont believe in them either

My dh drops me to work every Saturday morning just for us to have a laugh. When he makes a cup of tea he always makes me one and will take the rubbish cup if that's all that's left. We both share our days every evening and laugh at the stories we know off by heart. Yes huge downs too but we muddle through them fairly quickly (have 4 boys!). Love is totally out there. A friend of ours died recently and her husband is on the ground, I've definitely noticed we're spending as much time together since as we ever had because we know someday we won't be able to just have a chat. Oh and he still says phwoar even though I'm not I MN the same shape (btw I know we sound ancient, we're both just 41!!!)

Its not just online, in real life all hetero relationships I know are like this

What a weird thing to say. I know loads of people whose relationships are fine. And of the ones who are not fine are not all straight couples.

Anyway- yes, YABU to think that nobody’s happy. People only ask for advice when there’s something wrong. Nobody needs to start a thread saying “AIBU to have no concerns about my relationship today?” so obviously you don’t hear about the happy people.

@nonevernotever

I do think *@CrunchyCarrot* has a point about kids. We're really happy 30+ years in, but we don't have children and haven't had to navigate the stress that that can place on even the strongest relationship

I see people say this quite often on MN, but it seems so wrongheaded to me - if you don't think your relationship would be a happy relationship if you'd undergone something that stressed it then it isn't really that strong a relationship, is it? It's like saying 'oh, yeah, it's a really strong bridge because we don't allow anything heavy over it'.

I've been with DH for 25 years and still love him to bits.

And we have three teen DC by the way.

Yes of course they do, but no one ever posts on mumsnet to say "I love my DP and everything is great". And even some of the people who do post having a moan are just having a down day and aren't really unhappy overall.

I guess in relationships, their are a few golden stars, but for the vast majority, id say assume an affair will happen at some point, and plan accordingly.

I agree with PP who say you see an unbalanced representation on here.

However, the key point is that I think it depends on when you ask. I think an awful lot of people cheat on their spouse, for instance, just thinking of what I know about certain couples. Even if it's just a ONS. All the time the cheating is kept under wraps, both parties to the marriage would probably say it was a loving relationship.

The reason it's unbalanced on here is because we see those people at the different stage in their relationship, where they have found out about their partner's infidelity, for example.

That begs the question: will infidelity occur in all marriages at some stage?

Yes, loving relationships exists, but do they stay in the same state forever, or do they fluctuate over time?

People in happy, healthy relationships don't post everyday to update that everything is still fine or say how wonderful it is - keep that in mind before letting posts about problems skew your vision of how things are

Dh bringing me home a can of san pellegrino on a Friday night cos he knows I love it does not make for exciting reading .

Neither does him spending this afternoon cuddling vomitty toddler because she just wants to sleep on us, I've got a hangover and he's totally letting me off the hook.

15 years together. 7 married. He's a good egg. Most of my friends are happily married tbh.

I definitely know people in long happy relationships including my parents

Me - not so much . Happily single after a number of shit relationships

Of course people post the negative on here more though , however I think the divorce rate is a fairly good indicator of your chances ( roughly 48 percent of marriages end in a divorce ) then on top of that there will be plenty of couples who don’t divorce through whatever reason ( religion, not wanting to “fail” at marriage etc etc etc ) so on top of that 48 percent there are likely a lot more unhappy marriages but they stay together . People who are happy together don’t divorce .

so the cynic in me says that there is more chance of a relationship failing than succeeding

Yes.

But have you ever tried posting on here, or anywhere or even saying in RL that you are happy and life is good?

People don't want to hear about happiness.
Or being financially ok.

Even if you post a problem and it slips out you aren't living in poverty or utterly miserable in your relationship, your posted problem is of no importance and the replies become a list of
first world problems
Stealth boast
Humble brag

Why do you think soap operas aren't the day in day out lives of happy people?

People generally don't like it.

Happy people aren’t usually motivated to post about their relationships.

I’m very happy and in love with my dh, he is with me and we have been happy for years. We’ve had ups and downs of course as life throws difficult things your way, but we have always come through stronger.
I always look forward to spending time with him, he is my best friend and confidante. Simply cannot imagine a day without him, terrifies me to think about it.

Of course.

Having said that, i am surprised at just how many 'cheating' threads there are.

so the cynic in me says that there is more chance of a relationship failing than succeeding

I don’t think it’s that surprising when you think about it. Two people expected to be together, to spend the vast majority of their time in each other’s company, to never have sex with anyone else, raising children for at least two entire decades (if you choose to have them.) It’s quite a weird pressure-cooker set up, really.

Maybe relationships which don’t follow that artificial and constricted construct are / would be more successful?

I have been happily married for many years.
He really is my world.

We have the sort of relationship that I saw in others and was so envious.
Grew up with many step parents then I too was in a dv relationship...never thought I would find the love of my life.

I came on to say YANBU so it's lovely to see some nice stories! IRL the few people I know that say this are unaware of their partners misdemeanours.

These 2 threads - one is what annoys you about your DP the other is asking what they do that you like. The number of replies says it all

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4509301-dh-follows-me-to-bed

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4510105-The-Little-Things

@ComtesseDeSpair no not surprising at all not to me anyway . People do seem to want to stick with the “traditional” set up though , I am genuinely one of the only single people I know and have the constant “ youl meet someone “ comments . I don’t want to 😂 well I do but not for any commitment or to live with them etc . Some people are genuinely baffled it , it’s difficult to go against the grain

No one posts about the good bits! Happy relationships absolutely do exist. We’ve been together for 33 years, married for almost 27 and couldn’t imagine being without each other. Doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes feel like throat punching each other and having a moan to friends/family about how annoying we are.

Been with DH 25 years and have x4 teenage DC. We're pretty happy and he is definitely the love of my life. The 25 years hasn't always been easy but nothing really worth having comes without effort and compromise. No need to post about it though (apart from on this thread obvs) as there's not really anything to say.

27 years with my DH, we’re very happy. We don’t always get on, do things to pies each other off but on the whole we’re happy.

Don't be ridiculous. This page is called "Am I Being Unreasonable". People post here when they have a conflict to ask whether they're the ones in the wrong. People with happy relationships don't post on here as they don't need to.

It's definitely not a heterosexual thing to have relationship drama either. If anything, my heterosexual friends have the most settled, stable, boring but happy and pleasant relationships!

BTW try posting anything positive about your life on MN, or even anything neutral. Anything short of tragic will get you an accusation of 'stealth boasting'.