Sexual assault was commonplace in 90's?

[L0stinCyberspace]

Just pondering the (seeming) change in attitudes for young women in their 20's, now vs. the 90s, it hit me just how very normalised sexual assault, assault and sexual harassment was back then.

Walking down the street I'd be heckled from cars, building sites, buses. It all became normal and expected (dreaded).

A lad threw a full sandwich in tinfoil at my face with force from an upstairs bus window while shouting at me, a 12 year old threw ball-bearings at me when I was cycling down the road, a man punched me full force in the chest when I cycled by him one morning. A group of 10 trainee doctors told me to strip when I was in hospital, pulled the blinds and measured my breasts, while giggling, and I was too scared to complain. A man put his hand under me before I sat down on a packed bus one day, men groped and grabbed me when I was at gigs and clubs even when with boyfriends or friends, sleazy bosses tried it on, men tried to push clear boundaries. A man tried to break into my flat when I lived alone and I was advised to move immediately by police as they knew him.

Have things improved for young women now?

I know they have for me but that's my age to a great extent. Last year I was very upset to be heckled in a sexually abusive manner by 4 young men in a car as I walked with my teen in the daytime, but that was an unusual occurance. I really hope awareness is better now and there are less assaults. Are there?

I think it was worse and hope it has got better,but I doubt it. I think some things like heckling may have reduced, but probably not assaults and exploitation. I don't think the ladette culture in the 90's helped to be honest and think it encouraged men more.

I can add much more to the stuff you have listed above sadly. Groping in clubs was the norm, heckling/being followed home was pretty common as was men getting women steaming drunk and sleeping with them when they could barely stand up. When you look at the music videos at the time, it was men drinking whiskey with women gyrating around them in thongs, so the attitudes were hardly surprising really. It looks creepy now.

Sorry you had you endure that sort of thing like I did. I do think it has affected me now. It caught up with me when I was in my late thirties and I do avoid intimacy because of it. I will definitely be having the conversation with my sons about what is appropriate behaviour when they are older. I think this was missing when we were younger.

I think attitudes have changed - there have been a number of viral videos showing women reacting violently when being groped in public, with the general consensus being supportive of the women. When the metoo hashtag was trending, and the definition of sexual assault was clarified to include being randomly groped in public, most of my friends just laughed. I mean, that was a normal Friday night in the 90s! I've had men put their hands up my dress, grope my chest, hand on the bum. They NEVER seemed to be able to get past without putting their arm around your waist or across your shoulders. Bouncers were the worst - that industry has definitely improved with regulation. I've posted about this before, but I was regularly followed by a man on my way to school (was only 14 or 15), and he tried to kiss me. The police wrote it off as "a guy with a crush", and told me to walk a different way. The 90s were a different time!

Mind you, it's been a while since I went to a nightclub, and I'm not sure I would be targetted now, so it's difficult for me to say whether this all still happens.

When I see young artists producing songs like this though, it does give me some hope for this generation!

When i was 15 we were 'allowed' into the local nightclub if the bouncers could touch up your legs. FFS.

I am very sorry you went through those experiences, but I don't recognise that as a description of my life in the 90s (or 80s)

@Kite22

I agree. However, I think that behaviour is more prevalent in some areas now. Certainly I see an increase in aggressive behaviour in young men towards older women- online culture?

@Kite22

I am very sorry you went through those experiences, but I don't recognise that as a description of my life in the 90s (or 80s)

I echo this.

I absolutely recognise your OP being a teen in the 90s and yes, I think it's improved in public. Obviously being over 40 I am not likely to attract that kind of attention much myself but I don't see it happening as much now.
However sexual harassment of young women is worse than ever but it tends to be perpetrated online through coercion to send nudes and threats of revenge porn.

Being a teen in the 90s I remember a gang of about 20 lads not allowing me to pass them until I showed my boobs, I did and ran home crying, told my mother who then called me a slag.

I used to think it was so cool that these guys in their 20s and 30 with cars wanted to hang around us, and quite often we would 'go out' with them, now I see it for how sleazy it was.

I used to get followed from the age of 12 by fully grown men, just to have my mother out the blame on me for acting/dressing inappropriately.

Same with flashing, I was flashed 4 times from the ages of around 12 to 15, my mother balmed me.

Ime there was a lot more 'in person' harassment, this hasn't disappeared, its just moved online now.

There was, again ime, a lot more blame placed blatantly on the victims of sexual harrassment, this seems to have slightly changed, but its still far from perfect, in fact it's still very far from acceptable.

I recognise your experiences too. 90s and early noughties. I’m sure hassle from blokes on building sites has decreased because of considerate construction schemes and similar (apart from anything else, building is usually screened off now), and that was definitely the worst for me in that time period. Walking to sixth form college was like running the gauntlet as I had to go past several new developments. I vividly recall meeting my dad outside my uni halls of residence and a dickhead up some scaffolding yell to his mate that I looked different with my clothes on. The fact he said it when my dad was there felt awful.

Also experienced the more obviously nasty side you mention. Walking down the road and a guy my age yelling ‘MOOSE’ in my face (remember when that was an insult?) and getting a takeaway with a friend after a night out when a guy came up to us and said in wonderment ‘you two are really ugly, aren’t you?’ and proceeded to follow us.

But more generally, I just thought I was no longer young enough to attract this sort of abuse. I hadn’t considered the possibility that it might be better, and I don’t see the corresponding changes in attitudes to women that would make this likely.

It was normalised in the 1980s too - one of the reasons I loathed city pubs and nightclubs with a passion, along with public transport, and I still avoid public transport at night in urban areas if possible, and if not, sit as close to the door and/or driver as possible.

From the age of about eleven, wolf whistling, incessant jeering, groping, boys ganging up, general "negging" as it would be called today - and I didn't go out much. And my female friends pretty much all had the same experiences, or at least some of them. Now I'd really rather just stay in with a nice box set and a takeaway, I've kind of reached my happy age...

Where I now live is semi-rural and a lot further south and it is a bit better than where I grew up, but that casual contempt and misogyny definitely contributed to my sheer relief when I passed my driving test and was able to get a car. It's also one of the reasons I despise high heels - they're not exactly designed for a quick getaway on city cobbles, give me a good pair of trainers or even sturdy hiking boots any day, whatever Trinny and Susanna or Gok might say!!

For those who state they've not experienced it at all, I wonder if they had to use public transport much, or if they lived somewhere relatively small and possibly semi-rural or totally rural.

I’m a bit older than you (in my 50s). Yes all this and worse was prevalent in the 70s/80s/90s and onward. Even groped when heavily pregnant and with a child in a buggy.

Not sure how much things have improved. I have DDs in their 20s. Numerous incidents (they told me about and possibly more) since early teens. One has had an attempted abduction off the street and a drink spiking incident in the last 6 months alone.

Same in the 70’s & 80’s. It was bloody horrible looking back, what we were expected to tolerate.

I agree. It was horrendous, it was persistent and it was so bad most people did not know what a body boundary even looked like because it started so young.

In my case 11 years old.
I was not unusual.
I wish I had been.

I told my mother, she shrugged her shoulders and told me to 'stay away from him' (I was 11 and he was 16 and he was stalking me and sexually assaulting me) and that was the level of 'support' you could expect in those days. The indifference from men and women would be seen as shocking today.

Alot of people dissociated themselves from their own bodies to cope with it.

it depends where you lived to be honest. I had a lot of touching and inappropriate behaviour when I was in Aberdeen in 1991, it shocked me as I grew up nearer edinburgh and didnt experience that. i was really shocked, Moved to London and had no issues whatsoever.....

As a 10 / 11 year old I was flashed at 3 times
First time I was 10 sat by the window of the bus ,a man sat next to me and got out his penis and wanked .i was terrified,the bus was packed ,people must of seen ,but did nothing.
Second time I was out walking my dog alone age 11 ,by the canal ,a man is out jogging ,his penis is out and flapping about
Third time I’m 11 walking to school a man is in a bush with his penis out having a wank ..
School was horrendous,one boy would grope my breasts every single time he walked past me .
I was still a child , at 11 I wasn’t even wearing a bra .
I do wonder if it was a co incidence or not that ,that was when I started to put weight on ..

I was at school in the 90’s and I remember the usual bra twanging
One day a lad walked up behind me,grabbed my arse and slid his hand down to poke his fingers inside me (over my trousers if that makes sense)
He walked off sniffing his fingers and laughing with his mates
Fuck all happened-he denied it,school believed him and my mother told me I shouldn’t have come onto him in the first place

My own dd had a lad do the same but under her jumper and grab her nipple
She punched him and the school tried to bollock her for hitting him until I rang the police in front of them and they changed their tune

(and then they rang social services on me for not safeguarding her at secondary school-long story about me neglecting her at home and school-which was proved to be untrue but the lad in question came from a posh middle class family and I was a single parent from a working class background)

Makes me so angry that we still have to put up with this shit in this day and age-fuck all has changed

"tit cricket" was a thing in a shop a worked in late 90's. Not sure how the scoring worked but after numerous brushes from the boys I got them to admit they were playing a game. Not as bad as many stories here but an example of how women were not respected. I wish it was better now but I suspect the game has just moved on.

I remember being heckled going past building sites. It is a relief that they are mostly screened off now. Although I am much older anyway.

I also remember guys touching your back or shoulders as they squeezed past in a very crowded nightclub but I thought it normal behaviour and did it myself squeezing past people. Not that I went to nightclubs very often as I didn't like them and only went because of FOMO and eventually realised there was nothing to have FOMO about. And by extension, by not being out late at night, I didn't attract unwanted attention as I was home in bed. I also got married when I was 26 so had DH around most of the time. And went to an all girls school so no bra twanging.

I remember thinking Italian men were sleazy though. I really like Italy now - but again, have the husband in tow.

I don't recognise it either. No minimising the OP's experience at all. But I don't think it was that common.

I would agree op. In the noughties I was a teen and used to get heckled etc etc etc a lot more than I do now.

Yes all very common in the 90’s.

Very common in my experience. Flashing if you walked by the river (the easiest route from one area of friends to another area of friends) when I was 12-13ish
Cat-calling as you walked home in your fucking school uniform- it was really clear that you were a school child.
Groped in clubs, with the idea that you must want it if you wouldn’t wear a halter neck top/ shirt skirt.
Men in their thirties were”engaged” to girls at school.
I was sexually assaulted weekly by an older man when I worked in a restaurant kitchen. I can still smell his aftershave.

Very common in the 90s ans early 00s.