Sexual assault was commonplace in 90's?

[L0stinCyberspace]

Just pondering the (seeming) change in attitudes for young women in their 20's, now vs. the 90s, it hit me just how very normalised sexual assault, assault and sexual harassment was back then.

Walking down the street I'd be heckled from cars, building sites, buses. It all became normal and expected (dreaded).

A lad threw a full sandwich in tinfoil at my face with force from an upstairs bus window while shouting at me, a 12 year old threw ball-bearings at me when I was cycling down the road, a man punched me full force in the chest when I cycled by him one morning. A group of 10 trainee doctors told me to strip when I was in hospital, pulled the blinds and measured my breasts, while giggling, and I was too scared to complain. A man put his hand under me before I sat down on a packed bus one day, men groped and grabbed me when I was at gigs and clubs even when with boyfriends or friends, sleazy bosses tried it on, men tried to push clear boundaries. A man tried to break into my flat when I lived alone and I was advised to move immediately by police as they knew him.

Have things improved for young women now?

I know they have for me but that's my age to a great extent. Last year I was very upset to be heckled in a sexually abusive manner by 4 young men in a car as I walked with my teen in the daytime, but that was an unusual occurance. I really hope awareness is better now and there are less assaults. Are there?

Have things improved for young women now?

I’m 22 and I can definitely say that things haven’t improved for most of us at all. I do think it depends on your location too

I’m pretty sure that sexual assault has always been commonplace.

Yep. Took me decades to recover from that fucking time.

Quite a few posters have said that their mothers would minimise or victim-blame when their daughters were harassed. What were your fathers' reactions though?

I experienced all of this and more, I'm sad to say.

Entering my forties is wonderful.

I can't even imagine what it's like now, the same but in different ways. So bleak.

I think it has got steadily worse. My experience of the 80's onwards was rough in parts but I could handle it and them, my daughter from Uni onwards has had awful experiences. My mum cant understand any of this current situation, she was at work in an office in the mid fifties, getting caught by the 'filing cabinet', she remembers with a laugh and wolf whistling they did not see as threatening. She is of the mindset that only trashy girls got into trouble, and if you walked home alone you were asking for it.

I grit my teeth not to tell her that her own grand daughter has been drugged and raped. Does she look trashy, NO SHE BLOODY DOESNT

How can you trust men again?

I have met many decent men since the 90s and my confidence has been somewhat restored - it took a very long time to trust anyone.

Why not tell our Dads?

Are you kidding! Telling my Dad someone was touching at age 11 would be unthinkable. Do you have pre teens girls? Not many are prepared to discuss anything like this with their Dad's. My Dad would have kicked off and killed him probably, maybe I should have told him after all, one less predator to worry about...

She could stand up for herself though, and would not listen to any crap stuff from men

Nice bit of victim blaming there.

No wonder attitudes haven't changed.

The one time I did complain was when I worked in a wholesalers.

A really creepy shop owner used to come in , seek me out, and press himself against me telling me he knew I was a whore and describe all sorts of sexual things, say he saw me getting fucked over the bonnet of a car at the weekend so knew I was a slut etc, he always had a massive erection as he did this.

I complained to my boss and he simply told me that the man was a good customer so just to try and stay out of his way, and that it was just a bit of banter.

To answer a previous pp my dad wasn't around, but my step dad abused me. The stuff he did in front of my mother was blamed on me though. He used to grope my boobs when they came in, and my mother laughed, he also used to put his hand up my skirt in front of my mother and she would tell me not to wear such short skirts if I didn't like it. I remember wearing loads of makeup because my stepdad hated it, but that made the outside attention worse. I also remember my brothers coming home with lovebites and it being laughed about, when I did I was beaten for being a slut.

I have 4 daughters now and I worry for them so much, they wouldn't put up with the spoken lewd behaviour that I did, they are very outspoken and loud, but I worry about assaults, spiking, dv etc.

The older 2 have done the freedom programme and basic self defence and they carry an alarm and a keyring that could be used as a weapon, also pure alcohol in a spray bottle (acceptable now, thank you covid).

There's only so much I can do though unfortunately I know their safety basically lies with pure luck.

Yes that was definitely my experience. Grew up in London and it was a constant daily barrage or harassment, touching, calling out. I just wanted to get through the day without grief. It was and still is hard to talk about because you ALWAYS get people saying either you must be exaggerating or ‘that didn’t happen to me so couldn’t have happened to you’ so I’m glad you started this thread OP.
I do think it’s better in terms of younger women being able to go about their business in relative peace. I LOVE being older. I had my absolute fill of that sort of shit and wouldn’t go back to being noticed again for all the tea in China.

Sorry @WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

@Rosebel

Bloody hell OP that sounds horrendous. I was a teenager in the 90s and only really experienced the wolf whistles and odd beep from cars, (actually quite liked that although I know I'll be slated for saying that) nothing like what you experienced. Mind you in the 90s I didn't take shit off anyone so perhaps that's why. So from my perspective things are actually worse now. I have teenage DDs and I know they have friends who have been followed, my niece was sexually assaulted by her ex. Even teachers still make sexist remarks about the students. Luckily not experienced anything like what others have and we live in a city but I do worry more now they're getting older and more independent.

@Rosebel saying you didn't experience much of this because you didn't take shit off anyone is victim blaming all of us who did. I was fearless in standing up for myself but it all happened anyway.

@DdraigGoch

Quite a few posters have said that their mothers would minimise or victim-blame when their daughters were harassed. What were your fathers' reactions though?

DM used to gently advise me that "men couldn't stop" once aroused. DF blamed me for every incident of harassment for dressing like a slut, talking to men, being outside, wanting to go to bars, concerts and nightclubs but even he seemed benevolent compared to my friend's Dad who blamed his sister for being gang raped age 15.

No it wasn't meant to be victim blaming at all. I'm really sorry it came across that way. I know I was lucky too. Didn't mean to blame you at all.

I'd like to think catcalling has stopped.

The first time I remember it I was on holiday (still in the UK) aged about 15. I was with my mum, nanna, younger brother and a friend - yet middle aged blokes still thought it acceptable to call out to teenage girls.

Lots of experience of it since then. Probably at its peak as a student

Yes it was common in the 90's and, sadly, very much expected and normalised. I hope its not the same now

I remember from my clubbing days in the 80s slow dancing with someone and them rubbing their erection on me.

@1forAll74

My daughter was about 20 in the 90's era, and I don't remember her having these issues with men folk then. Maybe it's more of an issue in bigger towns and areas.. She could stand up for herself though, and would not listen to any crap stuff from men.

@1forAll74 another victim blaming post. I was very well able to stand up for myself and gave it socks but it all happened to me regardless.

I don't think it was 'common' at all. Sounds awful but doesn't sound anything like my youth (80's/90's)

The only thing that happened to me which at the time I just laughed off was a guy exposing my breasts in a club on holiday. I guess I could have been offended/humiliated etc but sometimes I think you can choose how you're going to be affected and i just chose to slap the guy and laugh it off. Certainly didn't leave any lasting confidence issues or anything. In fact, it's only because i'm commenting that I've even brought it up as I was struggling to think had something ever happened to me.

@CoastalWave

Good for you.

It was very common for myself and many of my friends. Just because it didn't happen to you, doesn't mean you can say it wasn't common. Not when so many of your contemporaries say otherwise.

Surely you must realise that?

Choose how you're going to be affected?

Are you for real?

Have you read the previous posts and understood what many of us went through?

To be fair @1forAll74 I never confided in my mum if I was harassed or groped - and we were pretty close. Your daughter may well have had stuff happen. I hope not. But you've no way of knowing. And plenty of women who don't 'listen to any crap stuff from men' still get groped/touched/verbally abused. Apart from the fact that women shouldn't need to fend off this kind of shit, men don't know or care if a woman is some sort of ninja, prepared to give them short shrift. They still try it on. A Paddington stare and a bit of lip won't stop them in their tracks. Some might even see it as a challenge.

@CoastalWave

I don't think it was 'common' at all. Sounds awful but doesn't sound anything like my youth (80's/90's)

The only thing that happened to me which at the time I just laughed off was a guy exposing my breasts in a club on holiday. I guess I could have been offended/humiliated etc but sometimes I think you can choose how you're going to be affected and i just chose to slap the guy and laugh it off. Certainly didn't leave any lasting confidence issues or anything. In fact, it's only because i'm commenting that I've even brought it up as I was struggling to think had something ever happened to me.

Christ on a bike maybe the 85% of us (repeatedly) sexually assaulted should just tell ourselves it was affirming so. When I started this thread I honestly didn't expect to get other women apologists.

@CoastalWave

I don't think it was 'common' at all. Sounds awful but doesn't sound anything like my youth (80's/90's)

The only thing that happened to me which at the time I just laughed off was a guy exposing my breasts in a club on holiday. I guess I could have been offended/humiliated etc but sometimes I think you can choose how you're going to be affected and i just chose to slap the guy and laugh it off. Certainly didn't leave any lasting confidence issues or anything. In fact, it's only because i'm commenting that I've even brought it up as I was struggling to think had something ever happened to me.

You're so right, if we had chosen not to be upset at being repeatedly sexually assaulted it would have all been fine. Its all our own fault for being upset.

Thanks for your wise words. You've truly changed my life.

I think the sort of person who laughs it off if their breasts are exposed by a man in public is not going to be the sort of person who understands the definition of sexual assault.