My husband said he'll do the washing - but AIBU asking him to separate colours as he won't

[HacketteofHacks]

So my husband offers to do the washing. I ask him - can you please make sure anything white or light coloured goes in a separate wash.
He says “if you want me to do the washing I’m doing the washing I’ll do it my way.”
I say: “Just that once my white t shirts and Izzy’s are washed with black or dark colours they never go quite as white.”
My husband tells me: ”That’s not true they will be fine.”
I say no they won’t. I’ve had loads of bright white things stay that way for years because I separate them.
This is why women end up doing the housework isn’t it? Men are deliberately obtuse so us ladies give in..
My lovely white t shirts were stuffed with dark trousers and underwear and we've fallen out because I took them out of the washing machine.
AIBU I've looked after my clothes for years Luke this

Don't separate stuff unless it's something I know runs, and we have very few things like that, if anything.
Never has a problem.

Thing is if you wash on 30, or even 40 very few things run nowadays. It used to be far more things weren't colourfast, so historically it did make a difference.

@AmaryllisNightAndDay

In our house the person who does the job decides how the job gets done. If you don't want your washing done the way your DH does it then wash your own things separately. (DH and I wash our own clothes and towels.) You could offer to separate the washes yourself (since you want them separated) and he could do the actual washing.

But I hate it if I offer to do a job and someone else decides my way isn't good enough and asks me to do it better. So I would see "make sure you do X" as a rude response (even with the please) and it would put my back up too. Doing it the way you prefer is an extra favour and I would have expected it to be worded that way.

"An extra favour"?????

Fucking hell.

So doing the washing is doing OP a favour (ridiculous)

And doing a good job to prevent clothes being damaged and needing to replaced is even more of a favour.

What low standards... the mind boggles

@Underfrighter

In this scenario why didnt you just separate out your whites and let him get on with the rest? He told you what would happen. Not that I dont think he wasn't being a dick because its hardly a massive or complex job to separate out by colour if that's how you wanted it done.

But it's the job of the person taking responsibility for the washing. Supposedly him.

If she's going to do that she might as well do it herself. Which presumably is what he's aiming for

What low standards... the mind boggles

I do love a MumsNet laundry standards fight

@AmaryllisNightAndDay

What low standards... the mind boggles

I do love a MumsNet laundry standards fight

Ha! That was aimed more at internalised misogyny around a woman's role in the home rather than splitting colours

So doing the washing is doing OP a favour (ridiculous)

He offered to do it so I assumed that meant it was extra and he usually does other jobs instead. Some people are just married to lazy arses though.

This is a well-known phenomenon that people use to avoid being expected to do particular jobs. It’s called “self-sabotage”, but in this case you have said that your DH offered to do the washing.
Since he then refused to do it properly after you mentioned separating the dark from white colours, while putting the blame on you for wanting him to do it, I think he’s deliberately setting himself up to fail, to get out of doing/being asked to do it again.
In your position, I would tell him that you’ve seen through him, that if he offers/does the washing again, he follows the rules (and that includes reading the washing labels, which always say to wash dark colours separately, and paying attention to the different laundry pods). Otherwise, tell him you will no longer be doing his washing for him, and will keep your washing separate from his, and wash only that, but properly!

Yes. Mine refuses to be able to tell what is the dark and light load. He supposedly cannot recognise that one basket has lights and one darks, this concept is alien to him. He too would 'do it my way' which is putting everything in together.

He also can't do dishes, makes a river on the floor whilst doing it. He can't put on duvet covers and won't be shown. Every single time he takes a hot drink upstairs a trail of splashes follow him. My daughter has taken to cleaning those up whilst bemoaning "silly daddy"

I've come to realise not picking up after him for the rest of my life is a futile goal. I've accepted the house is my realm.

He pays the bills and works a lot of hours. I work from home and earn pocket money.

His contribution just isn't housework. Mine just isn't really money (although yes I pay for our daughter's activities with my money before using his card). As a result I run out of money mid-month but he always gives me his card freely.

I've just accepted this division of labour. It's not really that I want him to do any housework, I just don't want him to get in my way or make extra mess.

*"An extra favour"?????

Fucking hell.

So doing the washing is doing OP a favour (ridiculous)*

It IS a favour though! My SO insists on separating colours. I see it as a waste of time and effort because it doesn't actually make any difference to the clothes. So me doing it his way is a favour, because I care about his preferences. Similarly, I want the bed made in the morning and he couldn't care less about whether or not it's made. But if he gets up later than me (as he does), he makes the bed, as a favour to me.