My husband said he'll do the washing - but AIBU asking him to separate colours as he won't

[HacketteofHacks]

So my husband offers to do the washing. I ask him - can you please make sure anything white or light coloured goes in a separate wash.
He says “if you want me to do the washing I’m doing the washing I’ll do it my way.”
I say: “Just that once my white t shirts and Izzy’s are washed with black or dark colours they never go quite as white.”
My husband tells me: ”That’s not true they will be fine.”
I say no they won’t. I’ve had loads of bright white things stay that way for years because I separate them.
This is why women end up doing the housework isn’t it? Men are deliberately obtuse so us ladies give in..
My lovely white t shirts were stuffed with dark trousers and underwear and we've fallen out because I took them out of the washing machine.
AIBU I've looked after my clothes for years Luke this

I've also never separated the washing. Just don't use a boiling hot wash, bad for the environment anyway.

DH “tries” to help doing the washing and for an intelligent man is surprisingly stupid at this simple job. However, since he turned a pair of DD’s Massimo Dutti wool trousers into pedal pushers and her making him pay for a replacement pair; he has learnt that he needs to read the labels (and find his glasses first) or ask! Result-he takes more responsibility and asks if he is unsure or can’t locate his glasses to read the label!

It's the opposite for me, my SO insists on separating washing while I don't care.

Separating colours was necessary in the days of the first washing machines and laundry detergent, but with modern appliances it doesn't make a difference anymore but understandably this idea gets passed on.

@Sharrowgirl

Can you find his favourite white item and wash it with something red to make your point?

This. I'd be so angry in your place. It's not a lot to ask .

Do your own laundry, and leave him to do his own laundry. Not separating colours would drive me mad. But I can’t imagine having to ask my DP to separate colours. These are basic things that adults should just know

Get a separate basket so he can do his own laundry. That way you only have to do yours and DC’s. It’ll make a big difference.

Agree with others, this is a careless way to look after clothes if you want them to stay smart. he’s being a passive aggressive dick.

@Sharrowgirl

Can you find his favourite white item and wash it with something red to make your point?

I'd do this ...

DH does nearly all the laundry in this house. Initially he did things like mix colours, hang wet jumpers over the washing line, put stuff to dry over the finial on the bannisters so it dried with a hump in it. And it was not deliberate incompetence - he actually loves doing the laundry and ironing, this was they way he’d always done it.

But he did listen to me, and accepted how important it was for my whites to stay white etc, because he is a nice person.

Stuff waiting to be washed now goes into a 4-drawer ikea mesh thingy so it’s already separated out, he doesn’t touch anything that looks like a woolly, and i sneak up after him and move anything over a finial before the damage is done.

There's no need to separate out whites and coloured nowadays.

Back in the 1980s whites in a mixed load would come out dingy as dyes would run, but today with improvements in dyes, machines and detergents, whites will still come out brilliant white even in a mixed load. The idea that they need separating is a very outdated (and wasteful and unnecessary) concept.

Also, only actual wool needs putting in a separate wool wash. Most jumpers don't have wool in, and can go in the normal wash. They don't need to go in a separate wash just because they happen to be jumpers or cardis! I'm always amazed at how many people think that cotton or synthetic jumpers need their own wash, rather than putting them in with all the other cotton and synthetic clothes.

So actually very little needs separating out of the general wash.

I would suggest if you don't find the way your DH does your washing acceptable, then you do your own washing, in the way you like.

There's no need to separate out whites and coloured nowadays

Unless you want your whites to stay BRIGHT white and not dull over time. Which most people do.

I’ve never separated washing in my life and never had a problem, I just chuck in a dye catcher with every wash

Neither me or DH separate washing by colour. If either of us have something that can’t be thrown in a normal wash, we take responsibility for it ourselves.

@mrsm43s

There's no need to separate out whites and coloured nowadays.

Back in the 1980s whites in a mixed load would come out dingy as dyes would run, but today with improvements in dyes, machines and detergents, whites will still come out brilliant white even in a mixed load. The idea that they need separating is a very outdated (and wasteful and unnecessary) concept.

Also, only actual wool needs putting in a separate wool wash. Most jumpers don't have wool in, and can go in the normal wash. They don't need to go in a separate wash just because they happen to be jumpers or cardis! I'm always amazed at how many people think that cotton or synthetic jumpers need their own wash, rather than putting them in with all the other cotton and synthetic clothes.

So actually very little needs separating out of the general wash.

I would suggest if you don't find the way your DH does your washing acceptable, then you do your own washing, in the way you like.

This. I don't separate for the reasons above.

Also, it’s not “wasteful and unnecessary” to put a white load of laundry on. As long as you’re doing full loads, and washing at 30° when you can, it’s no different than doing mixed loads energy and water wise.

His way isn’t right, lazy sod.
It’s something like saying I’ll cook for the kids and then giving them freezer pizza.

@QuirkyTurtle

It's the opposite for me, my SO insists on separating washing while I don't care.

Separating colours was necessary in the days of the first washing machines and laundry detergent, but with modern appliances it doesn't make a difference anymore but understandably this idea gets passed on.

This.

I wash new coloured clothes separately. Once they've been washed once, they go in with the normal load. Sticking something red in with something white wouldn't send it pink, unless it's an unwashed red item.

@Derbee

There's no need to separate out whites and coloured nowadays

Unless you want your whites to stay BRIGHT white and not dull over time. Which most people do.

Whites come out BRIGHT white in a mixed load nowadays, and do not dull over time. There is literally no benefit whatsoever in separating them out.

@mrsm43s in your opinion. Advice is still to separate, and if you’re doing full loads anyway, it’s not wasteful. So you may as well separate. But we can agree to disagree

I hate this - a half arsed done job can cause more damage than not doing the job in the first place. That's what DH is suggesting - that he ruins yours and DCs clothes because every idiot knows that you wash darks and lights in separate washes or colour leaches into the whites
Is your DH an idiot?

If he won't do better than a half arsed job, tell him he can do his own washing , you'll carry on doing yours and DCs (so he's no help to you at all as he's only doing adult job of washing his own clothes) and he can do a share of other household shared responsibilities that he won't half arse it on. If he can't even do that then he's a big hairy baby man and I'd stop doing anything that benefits him until he pulls his own (parental and adult responsibility) weight more.

Do you live in a place where you have to pay for each individual load you wash and/or dry? If so, I sympathise with the idea that light colours can go in with whites and it's not ideal but (sort of) OK.

However, you can't just throw anything into a single wash together unless you are eliminating anything non-colourfast AND doing the whole wash on cold. Your whites probably stayed white in the past because you washed them separately on hot. Washing them on cold with colourfast darks may not do any noticeable damage, but it will not keep whites as white as you'd like them. If you're going to have to replace your whites earlier than before because they go dingy in a mixed wash, it's a false economy - you may well find that paying the extra for a separate white wash on hot pays off over time. And that's leaving aside the real possibility that you might have white items you can't replace, cheaply or at all.

This is why women end up doing the housework isn’t it? Men are deliberately obtuse so us ladies give in... I'm normally all over anything sexist, but in this case, it seems more of a personal conflict: your husband doesn't notice or care that white items don't stay white if thrown in with a mixed-up load of washing, while you (and Izzy - I'm guessing that's your daughter?) do.

Of course, if your husband is unable or unwilling to do the wash properly, then do it yourself but make sure he takes on other/additional household chores to keep an equitable balance.

Whites won’t come out bright, bright white without bleaching agents and optical brighteners which you don’t want near your coloured clothes because it will fade and dull them over time. So yes, you should still separate them but not because dyes run anymore.

Is he the same with everything OP. Cooks a crap meal so he thinks he can get off doing it? How much are chores shared otherwise? What happens when his family come to stay, who does birthday/Christmas gifts. So much opportunity to show how two can play at his game!

I must admit that I hate other people doing the laundry. I wash all our clothes on a 30 mixed fabrics wash (unless it’s wool) so I don’t separate light and dark clothes - but I would if I did a hotter wash.

Offer to take over the stereotypical activity about which he values the results - I'll top up the engine oil and screenwash. I'll do it my way...

Have never seperates clothes unless a dark/coloured item is new.

It's never, ever caused an issue with whites.

This really is an issue that no longer exists - it's wasteful to have seperate loads unnecessarily.