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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Abusive mum on school run WWYD

85 replies

duenextweek · 31/03/2022 22:07

OH asked one of the school mums nicely to move up a bit 3 weeks ago as she was taking up 2 spaces with her car. Her behaviour was erratic straightaway and she starting going crazy. Some of the other parents warned us about her and they labelled her as "mad"

Any how after this we took DS into nursery and as we came back some of the other school mums caught her keying our car and she was trying to convince them that she was OH's sister and that he has smashed her house up. It was all very odd! But we was able to report her to the police and the other parents gave statements.

Since that altercation she has been collecting her kids from the school office a bit earlier. But today I had to pick DS up earlier due to my antenatal appointment so I bumped into her.

I completely ignored her on the way in and she started again sticking her fingers up to OH. She then followed behind me to the school office threatening to have OH "done over" and was racially abusing me I asked her to stop talking to me as the police are dealing with it.

After that I returned to the car where OH was waiting for us and her older child got out the car screaming and offering OH to fight one of the other parents had to restrain him. During this they are racially abusing me in front of everyone.

I have never seen anything like it the mum seems to have very erratic behaviour she is in her pyjamas everyday.

The school don't seem to bothered but have said they will look into it. I don't see why we should be abused every time we see this woman and I have started to think about removing DD &DS from the nursery.

I don't want to remove the kids as they are doing so well but I don't know where to go from here? I'm not great with confrontation but I want the school to take it seriously. She also doesn't seem fit to even be a parent.

OP posts:

MadMadMadamMim · 31/03/2022 22:10

Phone the police every single time and report as a hate crime. Tell them you expect it to be logged as such and dealt with as one.

TreadLightly3 · 31/03/2022 22:10

Maybe get the police involved because of the appalling racial abuse and the school might start taking it more seriously? Sounds like her own kids are at risk too if she doesn’t get some help with the erratic behaviour

NotNowBoris · 31/03/2022 22:11

Go back to the police and let them know she is continuing to harass you. Racial abuse in particular is something they should be taking very seriously.

theotherfossilsister · 31/03/2022 22:11

That sounds horrible. Are you keeping a file of all the incidents? She sounds unwell but this is no excuse for abusing you

Original poster

duenextweek · 31/03/2022 22:14

I will have to update the police again after today's incident. It's just so frustrating that the school are allowing it to happen they want no part of it.

OP posts:

FlissyPaps · 31/03/2022 22:16

Unfortunately I don’t think it’s something the school can sort. Unless there was any risk to the students.
As much as they will hate what’s going on, they are powerless.

Just keep phoning the police and don’t respond/retaliate to anything.

The police should take this seriously as racism is a hate crime.

Feckaffoutofit · 31/03/2022 22:17

I would change schools. She sounds crazy and this could end badly.

Heronwatcher · 31/03/2022 22:20

Go straight back to the police. This is harassment. If it’s all happening in the street then yes, the school may not be able to deal with this. However the minute this happens on the school premises they have a duty to deal with it properly. Do they not have a code of conduct? If not they absolutely need one.

Fushia123 · 31/03/2022 22:22

The school have told her to pick her children up early from the office. She will have been warned, and her family will be on the radar for MH help. School can only do so much. It was unfortunate that your pick up times clashed. My advice would be just to keep a very wide birth, and don’t get involved in talking about her to others.

StrawberryStarfish · 31/03/2022 22:22

I’d move schools. I wouldn’t want my kids around pond scum like that

SolasAnla · 31/03/2022 22:22

What do you expect the school to do?

If the parent has to collect the children earlier than everyone else to prevent conflict the school are being pro-active.
Are the parking spaces on the school grounds as they cant prevent the parent accessing public property.
If there is a second entrance you could ask if you could collect your child there?

But as other posters recomend contact the Police about the racial abuse and assault (threats to harm).
They may be able to suggest other things you can do.
🌻

FabFitFifties · 31/03/2022 22:24

Ring the police every single time, and mention she is exposing your children and her own to this abuse too.

Whatinthelord · 31/03/2022 22:24

I agree with contacting the police.
Also surely the school has a duty to keep this woman away from children if she’s shouting racial abuse and being aggressive. If she was racially abusing you in the school office they should have removed her or called the police themselves.

5zeds · 31/03/2022 22:29

School will help by asking her to pick up separately. You can help by reporting it to school and the police every time it happens. I’d wear a camera so you don’t have to endlessly recount things and just send it to the police. She sounds like things are going very very wrong with her and you may help her find the support she and her children need. Awful situation, ask other parents to stand with you if you are frightened.

WonderfulYou · 31/03/2022 22:40

She sounds like she may have MH problems and I very much doubt you are the only one she’s been abusive too but everyone’s too scared to do anything about it.

Please report to the police.
If you can get a dash cam or some way to record her.

I’m shocked that the school aren’t doing anything. I wonder if they are but haven’t said anything to you. There’s a reason she’s collecting her kids earlier now.

sirensscreech · 31/03/2022 22:51

Racial abuse in front of witnesses - report this to police and tell them you want it dealt with as a hate crime

Cherrysoup · 31/03/2022 23:05

Ime of teaching for far too long, schools desperately try to avoid getting the police involved. Please do as a pp said, report her for a hate crime but also ask the nursery how they will manage her behaviour in future. The family sounds batshit.

GreenTeaPingPong · 31/03/2022 23:10

@sirensscreech

Racial abuse in front of witnesses - report this to police and tell them you want it dealt with as a hate crime

This. Sorry this happened to you.

cstaff · 31/03/2022 23:10

Everytime you see her or her family make sure you have your phone ready to film her threats. Ask the school if they have any near where she had a go at you. At the very least it might have her back off and if not you have it all on video to show the police or the school.

EthelTheAardvark · 31/03/2022 23:14

Unfortunately I don’t think it’s something the school can sort. Unless there was any risk to the students. As much as they will hate what’s going on, they are powerless.

They can't provide an absolute remedy, but they can ban this woman from school premises because of her threats and racism to other parents - which would at least allow you go in an out reasonably safely. They should also be considering disciplining her child as a result of his threats.

Hertsgirl10 · 31/03/2022 23:29

Wouldn’t it be better if she was told to pick her kids up late to give you and DH time to get away before the crazy bitch comes out?

Hertsgirl10 · 31/03/2022 23:31

And can they let you park in the staff car park?

FlissyPaps · 01/04/2022 01:30

If they ban her from school premises that isn’t going to stop her being abusive and making threats and racist remarks off the school premises.

OP states it was the parents older child that made threats. I’m sure a nursery can’t discipline an older child who probably isn’t a student there.

This should be a police matter.

Xpologog · 01/04/2022 02:30

Have filming running on your phone every time you go to school ( your partner too) Or voice recording only if you feel uncomfortable filming with children around. I’ve just been watching a programme where a woman and her son were racially abused on a train. He was fined £1000 in court as the woman’s phone filming was evidence.
Does sound like she has MH problems but no excuse for her behaviour or teaching her own children this behaviour.
And report to police every time. Not fair on you to have the stress and hassle but I can’t think of any other way she can be stopped.

Original poster

duenextweek · 01/04/2022 02:40

It's a school and a nursery DS goes to the school and DD is at the nursery. I don't understand how she can even be allowed to pick her child up they should ask for another family member. Her dad is polite and has apologised for her behaviour previously.

This woman will quite literally abuse and destroy peoples belongings she doesn't care at all. Hopefully the school come back to me tomorrow I don't see why my kids should have to suffer due to her.

But yes I will have to start filming her I am sure I won't see her again now for a while.

Thanks for the advice it's been stressing me out can barely sleep.

OP posts:

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