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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Abusive mum on school run WWYD

85 replies

duenextweek · 31/03/2022 22:07

OH asked one of the school mums nicely to move up a bit 3 weeks ago as she was taking up 2 spaces with her car. Her behaviour was erratic straightaway and she starting going crazy. Some of the other parents warned us about her and they labelled her as "mad"

Any how after this we took DS into nursery and as we came back some of the other school mums caught her keying our car and she was trying to convince them that she was OH's sister and that he has smashed her house up. It was all very odd! But we was able to report her to the police and the other parents gave statements.

Since that altercation she has been collecting her kids from the school office a bit earlier. But today I had to pick DS up earlier due to my antenatal appointment so I bumped into her.

I completely ignored her on the way in and she started again sticking her fingers up to OH. She then followed behind me to the school office threatening to have OH "done over" and was racially abusing me I asked her to stop talking to me as the police are dealing with it.

After that I returned to the car where OH was waiting for us and her older child got out the car screaming and offering OH to fight one of the other parents had to restrain him. During this they are racially abusing me in front of everyone.

I have never seen anything like it the mum seems to have very erratic behaviour she is in her pyjamas everyday.

The school don't seem to bothered but have said they will look into it. I don't see why we should be abused every time we see this woman and I have started to think about removing DD &DS from the nursery.

I don't want to remove the kids as they are doing so well but I don't know where to go from here? I'm not great with confrontation but I want the school to take it seriously. She also doesn't seem fit to even be a parent.

OP posts:

chaosrabbitland · 01/04/2022 06:53

im surprised the school arent dealing with her , back when my dd was in her junior school they had some incidents outside between parents and a newsletter went out that stated that there was to be no conftontation between parents , the school would deal with any issues and if there continued to be incidents the school would ban offending parent from the premisis

they really need to be warning her about her behaviour , but in the meantime , its a matter for the police , not surprising her son is abusive as well , hes got that from his mum , theres a horrible boy at my dds school with a mouth like a sewer and he talks just like her , verbally abused dd several times and the school have had to deal with him

sweetbellyhigh · 01/04/2022 06:54

@orangeisthenewpuce

It might be MH, but whatever it is it's outrageous.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 01/04/2022 06:58

It's not the school's job to police the behaviour of adults, it's the police you need to involve.

ivykaty44 · 01/04/2022 07:04

Wear a go pro type camera on the school run, send the evidence to the police every time it happens

Prescottdanni123 · 01/04/2022 07:07

Report every incident to the police and mention that you are worried about her kids. She sounds mentally unstable.

So sorry for all the abuse you've experienced, especially the racism.

BottleBrushTree · 01/04/2022 07:12

If the parent is behaving so batshit crazy it won’t be the first time the school has seen it and unless they turf her kids out they’re going to be stuck with her hanging around. This level of craziness is not something the school can manage, why would you think that a teacher or administrator would have any success with her, that type of stuff is security guard or police so unless the school have security guards escorting crazy parents off the premises you need to report to the police, all the time for everything.

balalake · 01/04/2022 07:16

It's a police matter (again). Or perhaps even social services if you think the children of the woman concerned are at risk.

If you think the school are not supporting this enough, also talk to one of the governors.

skodadoda · 01/04/2022 07:28

@Feckaffoutofit

I would change schools. She sounds crazy and this could end badly.

Why should she? It doesn’t address the appalling behaviour.

Hiddenvoice · 01/04/2022 07:30

I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Report it all to the police.
The school will be doing all they can but they are limited. They moved her time to pick up her child so I’d suggest asking for a meeting with ht to see if there’s anything else you can do.
Obviously they will be doing everything they can to look after both sets of children.

SamphiretheStickerist · 01/04/2022 07:34

Her dad is polite and has apologised for her behaviour previously.

I suspect then that it might be safe to make the assumption, as others have said, some have dismissed, that she does have MH issues. Doesn't prevent you from calling the police but might reassure you a little that her threats are more likely to be hot air.

I think you need to keep on reporting. It might be that eventually someone will give her, and her family, more support and help, or at least highlight to them that she needs more help.

Then again, she could just be one of life's angry people, who happens to have a long suffering spouse. And yet again, consistant reporting to the police might help them.

Whatver, her family situation really isn't your priority. Yours is. And her behaviour is so out of the ordinary I can only imagine how scary each encounter is.

DuchessofAnkh22 · 01/04/2022 07:36

@duenextweek

I will have to update the police again after today's incident. It's just so frustrating that the school are allowing it to happen they want no part of it.

you need a restraining order...wear a gopro on the school run just in case.

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/04/2022 07:39

Parents can get banned from school premises if they are abusive or violent etc even if their child attends the school.

Lovemusic33 · 01/04/2022 07:40

Keep repeating her to the police and I would report to do social services too, she’s being violent ind bat shit crazy in front of her kids, makes you wonder what she’s like at home with her dc.

School have probably not removed her as they want her to continue to bring her dc into school so they are safe and away from her during the day.

lborgia · 01/04/2022 07:41

Of course it’s mental health related if she’s behaving so oddly - something is not working properly in her brain!

It’s entirely possible for her to have no filter, because of the mental health issue, and therefore is saying what she really thinks because she’s “lost it”. That doesn’t make it OK, and yes, as said a million times before, report every single time. This is a hate crime.

It’s up to the police, social services, and school to work out what is going on, and deal with it. You just need to be safe, protected, and it’s not your job to worry about why.

It’s interesting that her husband apologises for her; cannot imagine what is going on that they are all staying together in such a volatile situation. If it was a man behaving like this, the woman would be urged to leave and take the kids with her… whether he was “just” violent, or suffering from some disorder.

I hope that the school, and SS are looking after those kids, even if it’s not obvious to you.

FilthyforFirth · 01/04/2022 07:47

Could you get a restraining order from her? Doesnt that woman that Katie Price abused at her kids school have one against her? Might force someonw else to pick her kids up so zero chance of you running into her.

I would not be impressed with the school allowing racist abuse to occur on their grounds and would be straight onto the governors.

Jannt86 · 01/04/2022 08:01

The school are not the police I agree but I totally disagree that they can't do anything. If there was a random drunk outside the school threatening the parents and kids or if there was say a registered sex offender lurking around would you just accept that it wasn't for school to at least call the police? They have a duty to maintain safety. They've bent over backwards for this woman and she's still not just throwing a few catty remarks but vandalising property, being racially abusive and being aggrressive. Involve the police absolutely but I'd be hammering the school and their government bodies until they take this seriously

thenewduchessoflapland · 01/04/2022 08:06

We use to have a mum like this at my kids school;she was a drug addict.Unfortunately things didn't end well as the kids ended up in foster care.

Jannt86 · 01/04/2022 08:08

@lborgia

Of course it’s mental health related if she’s behaving so oddly - something is not working properly in her brain!

It’s up to the police, social services, and school to work out what is going on, and deal with it. You just need to be safe, protected, and it’s not your job to worry about why.

I hope that the school, and SS are looking after those kids, even if it’s not obvious to you.

Again WHY do we blame every undesirable personality trait on mental illness. IMO it's one of the many ways we are being raised in this society to not take responsibility for our own behaviour. This lady may well have had a traumatic childhood or traumatic experiences and this may even have affected the way her brain is wired but it's NOT a mental illness. There's no magic treatment or off switch. However tragic her background is the only way she's going to change is if she is made wholely responsible for her actions

NotNotNotMyName · 01/04/2022 08:17

How old are her children? Will that be in your child’s year group? If so, in all honesty, I’d consider moving schools while you can. Her kids are going to disrupt learning for everyone else.

CruCru · 01/04/2022 08:28

I agree with those who have said to call the police. However, please only call SS if you really believe the children to be at risk - sadly, having a mother who is deeply unpleasant (for whatever reason) and / or racist doesn’t necessarily mean this is so.

If the police are concerned they will involve SS. SS have an enormous amount to do right now and may not give this priority.

Cheeserton · 01/04/2022 08:33

Big shame on anyone who answered 'change school' to the problem of being racially abused and threatened.

As more sensible suggestions have said, involve Police every single time.

Georgeskitchen · 01/04/2022 08:39

This is appalling. Log every incident and make sure the police are involved. In my view she should be banned from school premises and her children removed from the school. Why does it always seem to be the victims that have to move??

Astrak · 01/04/2022 08:43

Please report every incident of abuse (physical and verbal) to your local police.
They will have a representative on a multi-agency public protection agencies monthly meeting. At this meeting, adults who's behaviour is dangerous to children and/or connected adults is discussed and protection plans constructed. You or a representative should request to attend this part of the meeting to state your concerns and what you would like to change.

I hope this nasty, dangerous situation changes soon for you and your children.

blackheartsgirl · 01/04/2022 08:43

School can absolutely ban her from school premises. My dds old primary school banned a mum and her eldest daughter from the premises after my dd and myself was threatened and at her school sports day. Long story but we had ongoing problems with this family.

Awful situation for you, hope it’s sorted

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/04/2022 08:46

Phone the police every single time.

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