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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Abusive mum on school run WWYD

85 replies

duenextweek · 31/03/2022 22:07

OH asked one of the school mums nicely to move up a bit 3 weeks ago as she was taking up 2 spaces with her car. Her behaviour was erratic straightaway and she starting going crazy. Some of the other parents warned us about her and they labelled her as "mad"

Any how after this we took DS into nursery and as we came back some of the other school mums caught her keying our car and she was trying to convince them that she was OH's sister and that he has smashed her house up. It was all very odd! But we was able to report her to the police and the other parents gave statements.

Since that altercation she has been collecting her kids from the school office a bit earlier. But today I had to pick DS up earlier due to my antenatal appointment so I bumped into her.

I completely ignored her on the way in and she started again sticking her fingers up to OH. She then followed behind me to the school office threatening to have OH "done over" and was racially abusing me I asked her to stop talking to me as the police are dealing with it.

After that I returned to the car where OH was waiting for us and her older child got out the car screaming and offering OH to fight one of the other parents had to restrain him. During this they are racially abusing me in front of everyone.

I have never seen anything like it the mum seems to have very erratic behaviour she is in her pyjamas everyday.

The school don't seem to bothered but have said they will look into it. I don't see why we should be abused every time we see this woman and I have started to think about removing DD &DS from the nursery.

I don't want to remove the kids as they are doing so well but I don't know where to go from here? I'm not great with confrontation but I want the school to take it seriously. She also doesn't seem fit to even be a parent.

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 01/04/2022 03:10

. I don't understand how she can even be allowed to pick her child up

Because she has parental responsibility. They cannot refuse to hand her child over to her.

As others have said, school are making her pick up from the office and taking her out of circulation, but they are probably at the limits of what they can do. Report it to the police as a hate crime. Hopefully you get a resolution swiftly

Fraaahnces · 01/04/2022 03:13

Call social services too. Obviously she needs a welfare check. She’s not the full packet of biscuits and the kids are displaying aggressive behaviours too.

Flickflak · 01/04/2022 03:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

HoppingPavlova · 01/04/2022 04:15

No idea how you believe ‘the school are allowing this’?

Surely it’s a police matter, not a school matter as they would be powerless? School can’t stop a parent picking up a child unless there are court orders to that effect I would think. You need to have the police resolve this, not the school.

nalabae · 01/04/2022 04:19

Scary someone like her has little kids.

araiwa · 01/04/2022 04:21

Which MH issue causes someone to be racist?

Changeee1546789 · 01/04/2022 04:55

Police. Get off MN and phone them now.

Mummybear888 · 01/04/2022 04:58

Sorry you have to go through this, it is awful.

The school should be taking this seriously and it is a disgrace that they are not. I'm not great with confrontation either, so I totally hear you.

I personally pull my kids out and maybe explain to the school the reasons why, so hopefully they can learn their lesson. It's awful that you have to go through this during pick ups and worry when you might see her. Stay strong 🥊 💪 .

Marvellousmadness · 01/04/2022 05:42

Film it. Get witnesses
Make a formal complaint to school. Involve the police yet again. Sorry you had to experience this. She sounds off her head (meds)

lurker69 · 01/04/2022 05:48

Its really hard for the school, its not their fault the adults cant behave they are also not there to deal with adults in that capacity. At our school for a few months there was a huge ridiculous argument between 3 families, it was like the Jeremy kyle show, it was embarrassing to watch, they had to have all families pick their children up from different doors and at one point had to have a police presence on the school grounds! So if pushed and reported enough they may well send an officer but this isn't going to be a long term solution though. I don't know, but i would have thought you could probably get a restraining order on her now? it sounds extreme but maybe getting arrested every time she is vile might make her stop. To be honest they just sound like 'one of them families' there are some people who just enjoy being arseholes nothing to do with MH.

LemonMuffins · 01/04/2022 05:50

I'd call police. And social services.

sweetbellyhigh · 01/04/2022 06:01

It is a police matter, the school cannot intervene in a fight between grown ups outside.

The stuff happening inside the school grounds, however, difficult to prove unless you film her. If you manage to then she can be trespassed by the school.

It sounds awful and actually quite dangerous.

Rosebel · 01/04/2022 06:01

I agree get the police involved again and every time she is abusive. I'm not sure about moving your children if they are settled and you rarely see this woman.
I wouldn't blame the school. They've obviously tried to help by giving her an early pick up and although her dad sounds nice perhaps he can't pick up each day and she has no one else. They can't just refuse to educate her child.
I really feel for you though. It must be bloody horrible worrying about having to face this. So please go to the police. You may not have to bother with SS because I imagine the police would involve them anyway (but I might be wrong so check with them).

Strictly1 · 01/04/2022 06:11

@Mummybear888

Sorry you have to go through this, it is awful.

The school should be taking this seriously and it is a disgrace that they are not. I'm not great with confrontation either, so I totally hear you.

It's a police matter. The school have taken action - her children are collected earlier. What do you really think the school can do? It frustrates me how every problem is now expected to be solved by the school. If you ban a parent from the premises it can only be done for so long and needs to be reviewed, correct letters written etc and reason. It happened off school property so they probably couldn't even do that.

Jannt86 · 01/04/2022 06:11

Why do we blame everything on MH problems? No legitimate mental illness makes you a violent,racist a*&ewipe. As pp have said film what's going on, involve police every step of the way and get a restraining order. I'd also be making school aware of what the older child has done. I don't understand people saying school aren't responsible. They have a duty to maintain the safety of their children and kids and adults are being put at risk as a direct result of this mum. Could you ask to park somewhere in school grounds OP. That way if this vile woman does pull any crap then it's on school grounds and school have to intervene. Sorry you're going through this I hope it's sorted xx

mogsrus · 01/04/2022 06:13

Police definitely. She’s got morals of a sewer rat, trouble is it rubs off.

carefullycourageous · 01/04/2022 06:14

You need to report every incident factually to the police and to school.

You have been the victim of hate crimes.

The child is being violent.

School so need to deal with the situation with your child.

However - I might take the easy route around school and move.

oakleaffy · 01/04/2022 06:19

@duenextweek
This woman sounds horrendous.
Please report the racial abuse, but with the woman herself, I guarantee she is like this with other people, too.

These gobby types never stop at just one person.

Don’t get drawn into any verbal exchange with this woman-

Ghastly behaviour on her part.

Itsokay2020 · 01/04/2022 06:27

I too don’t understand why schools are expected to solve all problems - schools are there to educate children, the Police are there to deal with crime (amongst other things).

Call the Police, every single time. You can of course keep the school updated, but please understand that they have limited powers and every child has a right to an education.

Given how serious this is, I hope you called the Police as soon as you were able to last night, or have at least arranged to visit the nearest Police station to make a report?

This woman’s behaviour is appalling, please be proactive in dealing with it by reporting to the relevant agencies - the Police

Princetopple · 01/04/2022 06:36

Bloody hell, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! What a nightmare. I will say that there were some problem parents in our school and the school took it pretty seriously. Some were banned from being on school grounds. Some had to collect children at different times. There were actually many warnings about parent behaviour because I think one year group had a particularly rough group of parents who congregated in the playground. We received letters explaining that they would ask police to attend if parents continued to behave aggressively and swear in front of children as it was scaring them. And they did! There was actually a police officer on that playground for around a week, forcing them to behave themselves. I felt so sorry for their children, though I assume social services had also been contacted and were dealing with the families separately. So the school could do more, really.

I live in a bit of a rough area and sadly this kind of thing isn't that unusual. Perhaps it's not something they've dealt with much.

FloralsForSpring · 01/04/2022 06:38

How awful. Yes report to police every time. Make sure school are aware of the racism you've been subjected to. They should be able to ban her from the premises.

Princetopple · 01/04/2022 06:39

And you do need to call the police, don't expect the school to do it because it's happening on their grounds. My eldest son had crimes committed against him at high school and the school didn't call the police. They seemed taken aback that I did and I'm not sure why. Something happening within school grounds is no less of a crime than if it had happened on the street outside your home.

orangeisthenewpuce · 01/04/2022 06:44

@WonderfulYou

She sounds like she may have MH problems and I very much doubt you are the only one she’s been abusive too but everyone’s too scared to do anything about it.

Please report to the police.
If you can get a dash cam or some way to record her.

I’m shocked that the school aren’t doing anything. I wonder if they are but haven’t said anything to you. There’s a reason she’s collecting her kids earlier now.

This isn't mental health problems, it's just skanky behaviour. I've worked with parents like this. I'd imagine they have friends and family who all behave the same way so to them it's the norm.

OP ask for a meeting with the HT and ask what they can do. If they say they are doing everything they can then the only thing you can do is to keep reporting to the police or go to another Nursery.

Mycatsgoldtooth · 01/04/2022 06:50

We had a similar issue a few year’s ago, not nearly as awful as your situation. We moved schools as the school said there wasn’t anything they could do and I should get someone else to collect my children.

SnackSizeRaisin · 01/04/2022 06:53

This woman sounds like she needs to be banned from the school and surrounding areas as well as being taken to court for hate crime.

The fact that she has a child does not make it ok for her to behave like this, as some are suggesting. The police and school should be working together to ensure that the school is a safe place for parents and children.

Racist abuse wouldn't be tolerated in a pub, shop, hospital etc so why is a school any different?

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