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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most 7 year olds could manage to look after themselves at home (with a parent in the house)?

120 replies

JennySpanner · 31/03/2022 21:51

Just curious as to what other people think really as my cousin has a stomach bug and asked me to have her seven year old as she said she couldn't cope with looking after him whilst she was ill.

Putting aside the fact he could be harbouring the same illness and potentially infectious, I did wonder why a seven year old can't just potter about at home with minimal input from a parent. It's not as if she was passed out, she was poorly and I know it's horrible having d&v but wouldn't most kids that age be able to understand that their mum is staying in bed and they'll have to entertain/ feed themselves for the day?

Would you say a child that age needed looking after?

OP posts:

Suedomin · 01/04/2022 13:02

A seven year old needs looking after., You can't expect a child that age to look after themselves, all day.

MrsVeryTired · 01/04/2022 13:07

I wouldn't help but only as the child could be infectious. Could you offer to drop off food? As child could make a sandwich (a rubbish one!) but maybe a cooked meal, if you want to help.

CoffeeWithCheese · 01/04/2022 13:30

Out of my two kids -

One would have been fine in terms of getting cereal, toast, drinks... but would have been shoving the iPad under your nose mid-vomit to show you shit on Minecraft every second.

The other would have played and pottered quietly, but would have no chance of organising themselves in the other stuff.

Chonfox · 01/04/2022 13:37

That's very odd. Great to have support if you can get it of course but I can't imagine asking for it in these circumstances. Absolutely a seven year old should be fine to potter, my DC have done this numerous times when I've been ill. From toddlerhood onwards. It's no joy of course but it's just one of those things. Just involves dragging yourself to the kitchen to throw some food at them on occasion and then back to bed to lie down again.

However if someone offered to take them in those circumstances I'd be delighted so it would be a nice thing to do.

Natsku · 01/04/2022 13:42

Mine had to do that when she was 5 and I had some weird illness that made me sleep all the time for a couple of days but that was only during the day, until OH came home from work. Does your cousin have a partner who will take over later or is she a single parent who won't get any help and so the 7 year old won't get a proper dinner and suchlike?

That said, I would take care of a friend's/family member's child if they asked me to because they were ill. Bad enough being ill, without having to think about how your child is coping as well.

MargaretThursday · 01/04/2022 13:52

All of mine could, but I'd have been able to relax more if they were out of the house.

I think if someone asked me, then my thoughts would depend on my previous relationship with them.
If they only asked in an emergency, then I'd assume that they really needed me to take them. So I'd definitely take them whatever.
If we had a fairly mutual time of taking each other's dc to make life more convenient for each other. Then I'd take them assuming it wasn't actively difficult for me.
If they took mine sometimes, and tended to claim illness very easily then I'd take theirs if it was convenient for me.
If they were the sort of person that never took mine, and often needed me to take theirs "urgently" which turned out to mean that they were meeting friends for lunch and then were back three to four hours later than they said, I'd probably not worry too much.

Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 14:34

I don't think they would have asked you unless desperate.

I have been so ill with two young children and it was a living hell. I did not have help.

You can say no of course it is your choice, but it may affect your relationship as she will know she can't turn to you next time, and you should not expect return favours either. People tend to be really ill before asking for help, as they know it is a massive ask.

Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 14:37

I would pick the child up and go to the park for a few hours, maybe get a hot chocolate outside from a cafe and that will greatly reduce your chances of catching any bugs.

I would never leave someone that needed help enough to ask, so yes I would definitely help out for a few hours to give her a break. I would also ensure they had something hot to eat before leaving, and drop in some shopping. Check the child had enough activities before going.

ManateeFair · 01/04/2022 18:38

When I was seven I would have been fine to amuse myself, and could certainly get myself drinks and make myself basic meals like sandwiches or beans on toast. But I think some kids are much happier doing their own thing than others - my friend has one DD who is extremely attention-hungry and will absolutely not just go and play on her own, and one who loves being left alone to do her own thing and takes herself off to her room for hours at a time.

However, if someone has a stomach bug, chances are the kid will get it too. And for that reason they wouldn’t be coming anywhere near me, sorry. I wouldn’t risk DP and I getting ill (and being unable to fulfil our own responsibilities) to look after someone else’s kid.

Youdoyoutoday · 01/04/2022 18:54

Mine could til feeding time then the whining would start.

Bunnycat101 · 01/04/2022 19:10

My 5yo would be quite happy glued to her tablet all day- It’s not ideal though and it is quite different trying to juggle the odd day of work with them pottering around and being really poorly and unable to give them any real attention or keep a vague eye out if asleep/vomiting.

Original poster

JennySpanner · 01/04/2022 20:42

Thanks for all the opinions. I said no because I have a three year old at home here and I don't want to bring in anyone from a home where there is a d&v bug going around. I dropped some supplies on the doorstep instead there the said 7 year old waved through the window looking fairly cheery. Apparently he's just having extra screen time. Cousin is well enough to make basic meals etc but still vomiting.

OP posts:

WindyKnickers · 02/04/2022 06:21

*WindyKnickers

Why isn't the kid at school?

Uh, presumably because the mum has a vomiting bug and is incapable of taking them there?*

That doesn't make any sense - surely the message to the cousin should be "can you take my kid to school and pick them up please" instead?

Thank you to the person who said its Easter there - our holidays don't start til next week so I hadn't thought of that.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2022 07:09

@WindyKnickers

*WindyKnickers

Why isn't the kid at school?

Uh, presumably because the mum has a vomiting bug and is incapable of taking them there?*

That doesn't make any sense - surely the message to the cousin should be "can you take my kid to school and pick them up please" instead?

Thank you to the person who said its Easter there - our holidays don't start til next week so I hadn't thought of that.

Of course it makes sense.

Maybe she didn't want a potentially infectious child going into school before the holidays? Or maybe she thought it was best to keep DC with family in case he got sick and she couldn't get out to collect him herself.

Or of course it could be due to school holidays.

imamumgetmeoutofhere · 02/04/2022 07:27

I don't think it's about what a 7 year old is and isn't capable of doing without support but more the parent needing support in this case as they are ill.

But to answer your original question, I think it depends on the 7 year old. My eldest at 7 could do a lot less than my currently 7 year old

Swayingpalmtrees · 02/04/2022 15:33

I hope you have a plan B organised when it is your turn op, I don't suppose she will be desperate to help you out again.

RealBecca · 02/04/2022 21:24

For one day, yes I think so. I think as long as food and drink is available then a day in front of the tv eating sandwiches and crisps isnt going to hurt them. They will probably love it.

OverCCCs · 02/04/2022 22:27

A NT 7 year old who is being raised to recognize and be respectful of others’ needs and feelings should recognize when an ill parent needs peace and quiet and not be chittering at then constantly or begging for them to play.

ldontWanna · 02/04/2022 22:51

@OverCCCs

Depends for how long.

Chonfox · 03/04/2022 22:33

Ah if she's not usually the type to ask then that was a bit mean OP...

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