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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most 7 year olds could manage to look after themselves at home (with a parent in the house)?

120 replies

JennySpanner · 31/03/2022 21:51

Just curious as to what other people think really as my cousin has a stomach bug and asked me to have her seven year old as she said she couldn't cope with looking after him whilst she was ill.

Putting aside the fact he could be harbouring the same illness and potentially infectious, I did wonder why a seven year old can't just potter about at home with minimal input from a parent. It's not as if she was passed out, she was poorly and I know it's horrible having d&v but wouldn't most kids that age be able to understand that their mum is staying in bed and they'll have to entertain/ feed themselves for the day?

Would you say a child that age needed looking after?

OP posts:
GregBrawlsInDogJail · 31/03/2022 23:16

@Whatinthelord

Maybe she wants to be able to have her runny poos and spew up without a 7 year old sat outside the bathroom door asking her which armour she thinks they should put on on minecraft.
Jesus Christ. This. Although in my case it would be fucking Mario Party.
Mellowyellow222 · 31/03/2022 23:41

@JoeGio

I had a weird one-day illness where I was so dizzy and faint I couldn't stand up without vomiting. My 5yo looked after me and his 2yo sister all day with some direction from me, but he managed to keep them entertained and made cheese and biscuits for lunch. He's not usually at all sensible but actually he was proud of being relied upon and was a superstar all day although my house looked like a bombsite. So I would imagine a 7yo should be able to manage no problem.
I don’t think a five year old should be explicated to look after a sock adult and a two year old. This isn’t normal and I assume you didn’t have another abuts to call on to help.

What if the baby wouldn’t stop crying? Who changed nappies and made food?

It’s a huge responsibility for such a small child. Yea he may have been proud of himself / but he shouldn’t have been placed it his situation.

Mellowyellow222 · 31/03/2022 23:42

Sorry for the typos - hope you get the general gist. If another adult can step I. The take the caring burden away from a five year old - or ensure a seven year old isn’t worrying about a sick adult then we should.

I would never leave a relative alone and sick with small children.

cherry2727 · 31/03/2022 23:43

I take it you don't want to help ? Couldn't imagine my cousin having a moan about looking after ds6 due to me having a stomach bug! What do you think she's going to do with her child free bug infested day op? Just don't help if you don't want too Hmm

GeorgiaGirl52 · 31/03/2022 23:52

I had flu for a week with two DDs age 5 and 7. No one to ask for help.
We coped very well. I let them stay in pajamas all day. Staggered to the kitchen in the morning to pour them juice and make pbjs. Took a cup of tea and went back to bed. They watched TV and "played" school (since I was too ill to take them). Ordered in pizza at night for them - more hot tea for me. With two of them nothing major happened because one would be only too glad to tattle on the other if they crossed the boundaries.

LeroyJenkinssss · 31/03/2022 23:52

Depends how sick I was tbh. If I could lie on the sofa to sleep, he’d need minimal input apart from pouring him a drink every now and then. Or if I got him a squeezey bottle of lucozade he’d think all his christmases had come at once. He could get snacks but not proper food. Actually thinking about it, with open access to tv and iPad, he might not want me to get better

BestZebbie · 31/03/2022 23:52

Our 7yr old couldn't safely feed himself unless it was all fetched and laid out in advance as all our food is stored in upper cupboards/shelves too high for him to reach. He can't even reach over the kitchen sink to turn the tap on without a chair to stand on (he could operate the bathroom sink and bath taps but might find it hard to fill a bottle from them).

SquirrelG · 31/03/2022 23:54

I agree that your cousin probably wants to be able to feel ill alone, and not to have to worry about what her DC might be up to and not to have to feed them. Not to mention some kids can't stop talking, questioning etc.

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 31/03/2022 23:59

When they were 7 my ‘responsible’ child would not have been able to and my more immature child would definitely not have been able to take care of themselves.
Nor would I rest knowing my child was doing something I couldn’t see!!!

SomePosters · 01/04/2022 00:10

My daughter first had to do this at 14 months old.

I got food poisoning and was up all night. I dozed on the bathroom floor because every time I got a few feet away from the toilet I panicked.
By the next day I was empty but washed out, hot cold shaky, not well at all.

I washed my hands really thoroughly and made a tray of help yourself things and filled water bottles.
Then I trapped her in the living room with me and the projector on and lay under a blanket shivering.
She was very sweet about it. Occasionally tucking me in and asking if I was ok but just pottered quietly with the toys available and ‘read’ to me
If she had tried to be hard work there would have been very little I could have done.

If I could possibly have asked anyone to help I would but when you flee dv you have to start from scratch so no one I could ask.

Shake your sisters in the same position

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/04/2022 00:29

Apparently, my older half sister looked after

One five year old
One two year old
and a 3 month old baby

for a fortnight. Whilst our 'mother' was ill and there nobody to help. She was five and three quarters. Fed them sandwiches, washed them, changed them, everything.

I don't think that was anything to be encouraged.

ReadtheReviews · 01/04/2022 00:31

My 6 year old says 'mummy?' approximately every 30 seconds and last night wouldn't go upstairs alone for any reason as she'd seen a scary picture of a goblin...so...I mean she CAN play/watch TV without input for a couple of hours but you can't rely on that happening.

MuggleMadness · 01/04/2022 00:41

@Whatinthelord

Maybe she wants to be able to have her runny poos and spew up without a 7 year old sat outside the bathroom door asking her which armour she thinks they should put on on minecraft.
Ain't that the truth!!! & 'right now darling I DGAF' isn't really very nice to shout at them.

However, if I had D&V the last thing I'd do is ask anyone to look after them, best not to spread it around!

SevenWaystoLeave · 01/04/2022 01:24

Mine at 7 could have fed himself but would also have been considerably more keen to entertain me than I would be keen to be entertained.

SevenWaystoLeave · 01/04/2022 01:25

Also tbh when I'm poorly I nick his Nintendo Switch which would be much easier to do if he was out the house.

fallfallfall · 01/04/2022 01:58

you mustn't have kids? they are not houseplants?
a 7 year old left to their own devices; may or may not dress for the day, and may choose to play dress up and dress up multiple times. same for brushing their teeth or brushing their hair.
they may or may not go outside in the yard and would happily leave the door wide open to critters (pet would most likely be ignored).
cooking would consist of cereal and the kitchen would look like a bomb went off and maybe a small baking soda and vinegar experiment might just happen while your not looking.
anyone who comes to the door, might be told the whole entirety of your illness (mommy is on the toilet pooping again, she has a bad tummy bug and didn't quite make it out of bed to poo).

Kanaloa · 01/04/2022 02:17

My oldest daughter who is now 10 could have done this at 7. She is a very quiet type of child, loves long games of baby dolls/barbies, reading or drawing and writing etc. My other three might occupy themselves for 30 minutes. And yeah they could have fed themselves cereal/snacks but at 7 I wouldn’t expect them to be able to make a ‘proper’ meal. I don’t mean in terms of needing me to baby them but they’d be coming in, showing me stuff, asking me questions etc. A whole day is a long time for a 7 year old to feed and entertain and care for themselves.

londonrach · 01/04/2022 02:27

My five year old could but don't think this about seven year old pottering around. Think this about mum wanting house to self as she unwell. I totally understand

1forAll74 · 01/04/2022 03:19

My Son and Daughter at that age, would have been quite ok at home, if I had been ailing a bit, and had to stay in bed, They could do small meals for themselves, and keep things tidy in the kitchen etc. And they would have asked me if I needed any food or drinks etc. They were brought up to do little things in the house anyway.. This was all before children had all techno stuff,, and they would have done some hobbies in their bedrooms during the day, so it would have been quiet and peaceful in the house.. one of them would have taken the dog for a walk as well.

SevenWaystoLeave · 01/04/2022 03:32

@1forAll74

My Son and Daughter at that age, would have been quite ok at home, if I had been ailing a bit, and had to stay in bed, They could do small meals for themselves, and keep things tidy in the kitchen etc. And they would have asked me if I needed any food or drinks etc. They were brought up to do little things in the house anyway.. This was all before children had all techno stuff,, and they would have done some hobbies in their bedrooms during the day, so it would have been quiet and peaceful in the house.. one of them would have taken the dog for a walk as well.
Was this also before children had personalities?

My DSS could have done all of this at that age too but also he is a chatty theatrical extrovert and would drive me absolutely bonkers in between helpful tasks. It has nothing to do with "techno stuff", in fact I'd probably be keener to be playing on devices (and so left the eff alone) than he would in this scenario. When you're poorly and just want to cacoon, you don't want a 7 yr old staging plays on your bed to try and entertain you, no matter how good they are at making sandwiches and tea.

SD1978 · 01/04/2022 03:37

Whilst I don't doubt they could- you would still be involved with their care. You can't juts stay in your room or the bathroom all day, there is still the mental load of being responsible for them. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to minimise that if it's possible.

GreenWheat · 01/04/2022 03:54

She was asking for support. If you don't want to help, then don't help. She will ask someone else next time who might be a bit more sympathetic.

Snazzyjazzpants · 01/04/2022 04:00

Mine is ok on her own. Contagious viruses should not be spread between households Unless there is an urgent safety issue parents need to bare with the chatter and mess that comes with it. When I had Covid I realised DD went three days without changing her knickers. Stuff like that isn't ideal but it's part of life.
Can you offer to drop a package of groceries off to your cousin - squeezy yoghurt, cereal bars, bottled water/juice, single serve crackers etc. If it's all out on the bench and he can can help himself that should help. Make sure you break open sealed lids as many kids can't do that.

Kanaloa · 01/04/2022 04:25

@1forAll74

My Son and Daughter at that age, would have been quite ok at home, if I had been ailing a bit, and had to stay in bed, They could do small meals for themselves, and keep things tidy in the kitchen etc. And they would have asked me if I needed any food or drinks etc. They were brought up to do little things in the house anyway.. This was all before children had all techno stuff,, and they would have done some hobbies in their bedrooms during the day, so it would have been quiet and peaceful in the house.. one of them would have taken the dog for a walk as well.
You would have asked a 7 year old to walk the dog independently? And they would prepare meals, tidy the kitchen, and deliver food to you in bed?

Hm. I’ve worked with kids for some 10 years and never met a 7 year old I would expect to walk a dog independently, cook meals and tidy the kitchen, and bring meals to an ill parent.

sashh · 01/04/2022 04:38

It depends on the child and what they have done before.

I was a child in the 70s and both my brother and I were making teas and coffees from an early age, although my brother did once use gravy browning because he either didn't or couldn't read the label on the jar.

At 7 or 8 I was coming home to an empty house and peeling potatoes for dinner.

My mum was mentally ill for most of my childhood so maybe we were doing things earlier than most kids.

So some 7 year olds could, some couldn't and an awful lot of children have to.