To complain about letters only addressed in DH’s name?

[MissingGrandstand]

Please be gentle as I know AIBU can be brutal and I’m genuinely looking for opinions!

Moved home recently and sorted utilities with British Gas, with both myself and DH named on the account. Recently received our first bill and it was addressed (assuming my DH’s name is John Smith) to Mr and Mrs J Smith

This would have been mildly irritating to me given all other bills have been slow to arrive so I wanted to use this one as proof of address for something else. Where I go past mildly irritated and into royally pissed off territory is that DH had nothing to do with setting up the account, it was all me. I called to set up the account, my name was given first with DH as an additional named account holder, and the direct debit comes from my bank account that is held solely in my name (I.e. not a joint account).

It has just got my back up that the account seems to automatically have defaulted to the husband, as if I, a mere woman, can’t possibly pay a bill. I know that is an overreaction, particularly given people have WAY bigger complaints with energy companies at this point in time, but I’m wondering does anything ever change if no one calls the company’s attention to this sort of thing? So my AIBU is:

YABU: stop taking this so personally and leave it/ask them to update the name so you can use as proof of address but nothing more

YANBU: this is everyday sexism and should be pointed out to the company (perhaps in a letter?)

Thank you for reading this far!

If you took his name why do you care?
Why are people so riled up by pathetic things?
You both live there, it's addressed to you both. If they put your name first, he would have reason to be pissed off too!
It's still proof of address for you?!

@Beautifulmonster87 I don’t think I would mind my name coming second, I mind that my name is not on there - I took his surname not his first name.

So Mr J and Mrs X Smith I would understand, but it’s addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith.

Unless this is what you meant, in which case it’s a difference of opinion I guess - I do not consider Mrs J Smith to be my name as that is his initial not mine, and if some people who marry do see that as their name then that’s ok, but it makes me feel a little invalidated, particularly when the billing is done from Mrs X Smith’s account.

Plus I have since checked with the bank I am trying to open an account with (ironically a joint account ) and they have confirmed this isn’t an acceptable proof of address for me as the initial does not match my initial, so clearly other institutions don’t see this as my name either, which is frustrating as none of the other bills I could use have arrived yet!

@Bananabutter

Yes YABU. That is how to correctly address a letter whether you like it or not.

Spend your energies elsewhere rather than looking for things to be annoyed at.

This is EXACTLY why I made sure both my husband's names started with the same initial letter as mine.

YABU to have married a man with a different initial to you.

@Bananabutter why didn’t I think of that?! You are a genius.

Or even better, since I took his surname, make him change his first name to my initial…

Oops that should have been addressed to @overitall1 !

@Beautifulmonster87

If you took his name why do you care? Why are people so riled up by pathetic things? You both live there, it's addressed to you both. If they put your name first, he would have reason to be pissed off too! It's still proof of address for you?!

Why do you think it's proof of address for her when it's not addressed in her name?

I had a cracker with BT but kind of in reverse. BT engineer/site planner comes around wanting to put in a new pole on our land to serve the neighbours. This requires a wayleave. No problem I say, my partner actually owns the property. He insists on getting my email address as I was the one he spoke to.

Several weeks later, he turns up with a wayleave document in his hand at my door asking me to sign it. I read through it and realise that not only is the address wrong, but its all in my name as owner of the property. Although my name is spelled wrongly. I tell him I can't sign and give him DP's details.

Weeks go by. Eventually someone from BT phones while DP and I are both at home and he puts speakerphone on. He explains to the woman that the wayleave is in the wrong name as he is the owner. "Do you know who SucculentChalice is?" says the woman on the phone as I'm sitting next to him. He replies "she's right next to me". The BT woman then says "Shouldn't she take your name?"