Nusayba Umar - 16 month old killed by mother’s boyfriend

babywalker56 · 2022-03-30T16:31:59+00:00

I am honestly getting sick to death of reading stories about parents and/or their partners being reasonable for a child’s death. I just simply don’t understand how this happens. This woman met this man on a dating site 5 weeks before he killed her daughter. She had moved herself and her baby into his house to help him with his dog breeding business??? He also had a history of violence against his previous girlfriends and their children. In what world can you meet someone and within 5 weeks you move into their house?! I feel so sad for this poor baby. Nusayba Umar lost her life but it even started. Rest in perfect peace🌹 Here’s the link for anyone interested, [[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-60927082]]

oviraptor21 · 30/03/2022 17:35

That poor baby and poor mother.
I hope she gets a lot of support to help her make better decisions in future.

IncompleteSenten · 30/03/2022 17:39

That poor, poor child.
It's horrendous.

Re your question - Previously abused and damaged women with chaotic lives and zero self esteem are very vulnerable to be manipulated by these men and to want desperately to be loved and to believe in a happy ever after.

2 weeks before he murdered the child, he caused a head injury. It's difficult to understand why she didn't leave then and why she initially lied about how her child got the injuries but I can only assume she was terrified of him. 5 weeks that cost her child their life. It's hard to get your head round.

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 18:25

@IncompleteSenten unfortunately I struggle to have any compassion and sympathy for women who put their young kids in these situations. There’s so much support out there to help build self esteem, help come back from abuse etc. When I read stories like this, I struggle to jump to ‘oh well the mum must have been some sort of victim to get into this situation’ because that isn’t always the case.

Who I do feel for is the baby. A baby that couldn’t defend herself is now dead at the hands of this horrible man. I can’t even speak on the man as I could genuinely write paragraphs. People like that make me sick and really deserve to rot

OP posts:

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/03/2022 18:35

What the fuck is wrong with these men and women who can hurt a child? Just what exactly is missing?

Obviously we will never know but with all these high profile child murder cases - will they all be assessed for psychopathy/ sociopathy?

Because it seems like people with the capacity to kill a child are far more numerous than I would have thought a few years ago. Was that just me being young and naive?

And why did this mum move in after 5 fucking weeks

I can only imagine that basically all of the mothers who put their kid in danger like this have had an extremely dysfunctional upbringing themselves? They genuinely can't spot the potential dangers and are desperately hoping things will be ok?

It doesn't make any sense otherwise.

Lockheart · 30/03/2022 18:39

It's easy to ask "why would you move in with someone you've only known 5 weeks??!" if you've never experienced a dysfunctional upbringing, having no support from any family or friends, living in hellish unsuitable accomodation, or being in poverty.

Suddenly someone you quite like and want a relationship with offers you and your child a stable home.

Can you really not understand how this happens? It's not a case of "omg new bf, so loved up, can't be apart", it's a case of "thank god my child doesn't have to sleep in a mouldy room / live with the threat of being evicted by unscrupulous landlords / live with violent unstable relatives".

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/03/2022 18:47

It's easy to ask "why would you move in with someone you've only known 5 weeks??!" if you've never experienced a dysfunctional upbringing, having no support from any family or friends, living in hellish unsuitable accomodation, or being in poverty.

No, I don't think this quite covers it though and I think it's partly why it's so hard to understand.

Because there are thousands of women who have suffered through plenty of the above and they still would not move in with a stranger after five weeks.

All kinds of other variables come into play in this kind of decision-making. And I think probably an awful lot are down to random luck or chance, which is difficult to grapple with.

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 18:47

Because it seems like people with the capacity to kill a child are far more numerous than I would have thought a few years ago. Was that just me being young and naive?

@AbsentmindedWoman this is exactly my thought. It seems very clear that many people are willing to put their own happiness before their child and I just don’t understand it. I obviously do understand but at the same time I don’t. Your child should always come first and I find myself having much more sympathy for the child then the mum/dad who’s found themselves in this situation as opposed to others

OP posts:

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/03/2022 18:48

Sorry, I'm just wondering aloud rather than completely disagreeing with you @Lockheart

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/03/2022 18:50

It's bloody horrible. No doubt people will make excuses for these women though. As a single mum, I'll never let a man into my home.

LoganberryJam · 30/03/2022 18:50

The woman in this situation made some stupid decisions for sure. But it was not her who killed the baby. This man is 100% responsible for the baby's death.

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 18:52

It's easy to ask "why would you move in with someone you've only known 5 weeks??!" if you've never experienced a dysfunctional upbringing, having no support from any family or friends, living in hellish unsuitable accomodation, or being in poverty.

@Lockheart sorry no. Because I have experienced a dysfunctional upbringing and still do live in poverty. Just last year I was pregnant in temporary accommodation. Yet I’m still able to put my child first and not put her in dangerous situations, especially when it comes to potential partners etc.

‘Can you really not understand how that happens’ let’s not be patronising as if I’ve asked ‘how can people marry someone who isn’t their child’s dad’ or something stupid like that. No, I cannot understand how you find yourself in a situation where you move you AND your child into someone’s house after 5 weeks. I really cannot

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/03/2022 18:52

@Lockheart

It's easy to ask "why would you move in with someone you've only known 5 weeks??!" if you've never experienced a dysfunctional upbringing, having no support from any family or friends, living in hellish unsuitable accomodation, or being in poverty.

Suddenly someone you quite like and want a relationship with offers you and your child a stable home.

Can you really not understand how this happens? It's not a case of "omg new bf, so loved up, can't be apart", it's a case of "thank god my child doesn't have to sleep in a mouldy room / live with the threat of being evicted by unscrupulous landlords / live with violent unstable relatives".

I grew up with a father who took drugs and was in and out of prison, a stepdad who resented me, left home at 17 and became a single mum by 23 on benefits living in a flat above a takeaway. I would still never put my child at potential risk for a "stable home." No excuses.

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 30/03/2022 18:53

Poor, poor little baby. It seems as though her fate was sealed as soon as this monster entered her life.

As for her mother, unfortunately some people lead very chaotic lives and throw themselves into serious relationships very quickly. Even more unfortunately, it’s often with toxic people. I know a few people like this, all women who are vulnerable in some way, with a history of abusive relationships. One moved her boyfriend in within weeks, he was included in a family portrait session she booked, she was excited to be a “step nan” to his pregnant daughter’s baby. Within weeks of knowing him. It all went tits up when he turned out to be a very dangerous abusive man. All her other relationships go tits up for the same reason. I feel very sorry for women like this but my god, their kids suffer far more for their parent’s terrible taste in partners, personal issues and poor decisions.

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 18:53

*No, I don't think this quite covers it though and I think it's partly why it's so hard to understand.

Because there are thousands of women who have suffered through plenty of the above and they still would not move in with a stranger after five weeks.*

Yes this is exactly what I mean. Sorry x posted

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/03/2022 18:54

@LoganberryJam

The woman in this situation made some stupid decisions for sure. But it was not her who killed the baby. This man is 100% responsible for the baby's death.

Absolutely he is. But it wouldn't have happened if she had made better decisions.

Katya213 · 30/03/2022 18:56

She watched him smacking, punishing her baby on a daily basis. Bizarre.

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 18:56

@Waxonwaxoff0

It's bloody horrible. No doubt people will make excuses for these women though. As a single mum, I'll never let a man into my home.

Yep this is me too @Waxonwaxoff0 As a single mum, I’d also never move a man into my house. Some may find that drastic and not normal but it really is better to be safe than sorry. I have a Goddaughter who was constantly physically abused by her mum’s different partners so I think it touches me that much more. It frustrates me that these women cannot put their children first and seek help to deal with any insecurities etc. It angers me so much

OP posts:

Lockheart · 30/03/2022 18:56

Good for you lot saying how you were in terrible situations but still never made bad choices. Give yourself a medal for having more resilience / better mental health / being more intelligent than this poor mother.

Not everyone is you, and if you can't understand how everyone's situation varies and how easy it can be to fall into the trap of thinking your child will have a stable home then you lack empathy.

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 18:59

@LoganberryJam

The woman in this situation made some stupid decisions for sure. But it was not her who killed the baby. This man is 100% responsible for the baby's death.

Oh yes 1000% and I don’t want to take the attention away from him at all. The conversation kind of went of track as I was responding to a poster to say I don’t feel any sympathy/compassion for the mum. This man is responsible for the baby’s death as he killed her.

However saying that, she really should have prioritised her daughter and made better choices. Now she has no daughter and has to live with this for the rest of her life. Very sad

OP posts:

Unmumsymofo · 30/03/2022 18:59

@LoganberryJam

The woman in this situation made some stupid decisions for sure. But it was not her who killed the baby. This man is 100% responsible for the baby's death.

Actually I’m not sure I agree given the mother was aware this man had previously given her baby a head injury! The obvious potential for this man to cause her baby grave harm was presented and she covered for him. That 100% makes her culpable and she will have to live with that for the rest of her life. I’m not saying she is a murderer but I would consider she is guilty of child neglect and child cruelty.

TempName01 · 30/03/2022 19:00

Yeah it’s so shocking how many cases like this there are, that people actually are sick enough to do this to a child but in addition have not thought about the consequences to themselves, do they think they will get away with it?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/03/2022 19:00

@Lockheart

Good for you lot saying how you were in terrible situations but still never made bad choices. Give yourself a medal for having more resilience / better mental health / being more intelligent than this poor mother.

Not everyone is you, and if you can't understand how everyone's situation varies and how easy it can be to fall into the trap of thinking your child will have a stable home then you lack empathy.

I don't have empathy for people who allow their kids to be abused. I'm fine with that.

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 19:02

Not everyone is you, and if you can't understand how everyone's situation varies and how easy it can be to fall into the trap of thinking your child will have a stable home then you lack empathy.

@Lockheart you’ve just made up that narrative for this particular situation though. She moved in with him to help his dog breeding business. You have absolutely no clue what her background is and if she moved in because she thought her daughter would have a better life. This is why I don’t have immediate sympathy for her as nothing she’s said point in the direction of her thinking this was the best decision for her family

OP posts:

Frigginintheriggin · 30/03/2022 19:03

This coming on the day Baby P's sorry excuse for a mother is in the news again...

The woman in this article returned to this monsters house AFTER he had assaulted her child 2 weeks earlier.
How is she not culpable in any way?
I don't buy any of the bullshit excuses.
Poor baby 😪

Original poster

babywalker56 · 30/03/2022 19:04

I also do not have any empathy whatsoever towards people that allow their child to be abused. Sorry

OP posts: