The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

Assume she is in reception

Is she shorter or taller then others in her class

What weight is she

Dd is just 5 and in reception and had that check

Weighs 2 st 8

She is not as tall as some , but def isn’t the shortest

There are 2 very little girls in her class

Take it with a pinch of salt, OP.
I'm not an HV but it's likely a box ticking letter the NHS requires HVs to send out based on the height/weight/BMI stats they receive. Ignore.

"GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns" Just refer them to your GP if they ask.
We had a small 2-3 hour breastfed baby boy (6lb 6) who grew and grew at surprising speed. At about 9 months, he was eating pretty much everything that wasn't nailed down...HV referred us to hospital nutritionist who suggested we feed him things like pork (considered too fatty for babies back then!) and anything else mega-satisfying. He was never fat, ribs always showed, but always very chunky, and he had limitless energy. Grew up to play 1st XV rugby, black belt judo, swimming 1500m at 8. He's still at it.

Please don't worry!

So your daughter has 40 minutes of exercise every day, also does gymnastics and eats very healthy children portions of food but her bmi would put her at clinically obese?

Something not quite adding up there.

of course i haven't seen your child but on the assumption she eats healthily and is active then i would ignore.

I have 2 younger ones who wear same size clothes. One is so so heavy to lift - people who try to lift him always get a shock. The other is so light i could lift him with one hand.

It's such a stupid measure to base overweight on.

I'm a retired doctor who used to have a significant paediatric workload and I have mixed feelings on this. BMI is a blunt tool, no doubt about it, but I wouldn't say it was useless. It just needs to be looked at as one part of a bigger picture. It does have value as a screening tool but it should be the beginning, not the end of the conversation. A high, or low, BMI should be seen as a catalyst to have a deeper look at your health and lifestyle but as an isolated number it doesn't give the whole picture. It can be misleading the other way too. I have put on quite a lot of weight since I retired, which coincided with lockdown, but my BMI is still in the so called healthy range. I'm at least a stone overweight but could be falsely reassured by my "normal" BMI. It's not normal for me though.BMI is definitely not an absolute indicator of a healthy or unhealthy weight. I would say however that if someone's BMI is a long way out of the healthy range, in my experience there is generally something that could do with being changed, and that is often portion size.
I do agree with those who have said that a lot of people have lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like, and the deficiencies of BMI as a measure can be used as a reason to dismiss valid concerns about weight.
The type of work I did brought me into contact with a lot of overweight children and their parents, though that wasn't directly why they were seeing me. The vast majority were lovely and loving people who wanted the best for their children and I very, very rarely got the impression I was talking to a "bad parent". I think the reasons behind child obesity (and indeed adult obesity) are very complex and there is definitely no "one size fits all" answer. I do think that a widespread change of perspective around what is a healthy weight and what are appropriate portion sizes plays a real role though.
I began my career in the 1980s and there has definitely been a big increase in the proportion of the population which is overweight since then. It doesn't do anyone any good to deny it. We need to take the judgment out of the way it is talked about and have honest conversations about the problem. I don't think the school measuring programme should be stopped but work is clearly need to improve how results are communicated to parents.

@NdefH81

There are load of fat kids about

On this thread you’d think there was none and it was all in the imagination of HVs

Mumsnet is primarily dominated by well educated parents who do not feed their children a diet consisting mainly of chips, pizzas, crisps and takeaways. I bet if you ran a poll on this thread, the vast majority of posters would say they cook most of their kids meals from scratch using fresh ingredients.

In the wider world where obesity numbers are rising, cooking from scratch is not the norm for many parents of fat kids.

Solid, broad, all there, big boned, chunky, heavy to lift, sturdy, muscle weighs more than fat, stocky….. but not fat, sure they go to dance class!

Excuses, denial, bullshit. The majority of fat kids grow into fat adults. Yet people are telling others to bin the letters. They mean nothing. Your kid is off the charts but it means nothing. Cop the hell on and at least take a closer look at their diet.

Children who are "solid" are probably overweight, contrary to popular belief it's totally normal to be able to see their ribs before puberty. I agree that many people aren't used to seeing slim children. Many people are in denial about their child's weight because children carry their weight differently to adults, if they have visible body fat then chances are they are overweight.

As for muscles, unless your child is doing weight lifting then they won't be all muscle. Running around doesn't build much muscle.

Its not inevitable that a "chubby" baby will be overweight. My ds2 was chubby as a baby and now at age 4 is slim. "Chubby" babies should grow into their weight as they get bigger and start moving, sounds like she hasn't. If she was 98th centile for height too then she'd be in proportion, but she isn't hence the letter.

It's not a pointless exercise, most kids who are a bit chubby in reception are even more overweight by y6.

It doesn't have to be made an issue - but look at portion sizes, snacks, veg/fruit etc. Try having half her dinner plate as veg. Switches like fruit/veg as snacks, semi skimmed milk over whole milk, reduce full fat dairy products, maybe leave actual treats for specific days and pick healthy, more filling ones for the rest of the week.

Just opt out of anything in future. I won't be consenting to the standard weigh ins after getting a letter to say my slight, skinny child was overweight. They remeasured him a few weeks later and agreed no he wasn't overweight at all. Would have annoyed me less if I could have got any help from the HV when he was rapidly losing weight due to a medical condition.

I work in a school and have seen it over and over again- those that are stockier/chunky/solid or have visible fat on their bodies- wobbly tummies, little boobs, etc, in the infants, are positively fat by the time they are in year 6!

I would totally disregard the letter. You know if your child is overweight. My child was the same ner 100% centile all the way and I was made to feel bad about it. So I simply ignored it. He has always been in clothes 2-4 years ahead of his real age but he is lean, just tall. No way I can pinch his skin let alone an inch. Now 15 and 6,4 and a perfect size for his height. Scales mean nothing to mean as he's always been lean.

Another experience with me as an adult was when I was super fit and leaner than I'd ever been 5'9 a size 12 top and bottom. My doctor weighed me and told me I was obese according to his BMI scale.

I lost respect for the way they measure after that.

Can you pinch inches?

Bin the letter

Lots of people keeping saying how BMI is inaccurate etc., including the classic trope about elite athletes who would be considered overweight based on BMI (most people are not athletes).

As far as schools weight and height measuring goes, I don't think it's about calculating BMI, rather that if a child is on a much higher centile for weight than they are for height, they are highly likely to be overweight.

Difficult situation with divorce and second pregnancy.

Im putting this out there cos it’s a difficult situation. My marriage started to break down after the birth of my little girl (now 13m). DH is highly erratic and has even been known to shout when I hung hisbtrousers out to dry not inside out. In October last year I decided I had really had enough but then I started to feel sick, 2 lines appeared etc. I considered abortion and even went to the clinic to get the pills. But I couldn’t bring myself to take them. I have always wanted 2 children and close together. Despite his faults DH is financially solvent and a quite a loving and hands-on dad. I rationed it made sense to go through. Now at 24w I am panicking. He has been away for work for 2 months and I feel so wonderful with a peaceful home and spending time with my gorgeous little girl. Im sorry if this is difficult reading but I feel more worried than delighted about the second pregnancy right now. Will it chain me to him? Would I ever cope with 2 under 18m on my own? Will it be harder to get away with 2 children rather than one? I initially thought to keep the baby as I thought I should make a decision uninfluenced by the anger I feel toward DH. But now I realise what I want is INDEPENDENCE from a toxic relationship. I feel guilty that this child is coming at a time when I want independence so much. Of course I’ll have to stick with him a bit longer I don’t want to resent this child or feel less than happy at its arrival because of this. I love my little girl to the moon and back but wonder if it’s possible to love two under these circumstances. I am more or less financially independent (for like a year maybe) and DH could technically rent a flat nearby. I’m hoping the anticipation of 2 babies is worse than the actual experience. My conflicting thoughts and guilt about feeing worries about this second baby are keeping me awake at night and I’m sudfering acute insomnia - worse than when DD was born! I would consider adoption as I want the unborn baby to grow up somewhere stable and where she is wanted. But DH wouldn’t allow it probably. DH comes back from travelling this week and I’m dreading it as I honestly can’t talk or be in the same room as him without feeling red hot rage. I don’t know what to do. Faking liking him for the sake of this baby is pretty hard if not impossible. Sleeping and eating with someone who has tried to hurt you is very difficult. The theory of having two children close together is one thing but the idea of doing it alone without emotional support is also very difficult. Family are around but busy with other things so I really am alone. Don’t know what to do.

I had the same when my middle child was in reception, you could see his ribs 🤔 He was 10lb 8 when he was born 🙄
He’s 14 now and not overweight at all and very sporty.

My instinct is to reassure you but unfortunately the people I know saying similar things IRL all have children carrying too much weight.

I'm also concerned that you either misunderstand or misremember growth scans, as they are not to do with weight, other than the weight associated with stage of growth/bone measurements.

There's this idea that kids activities equal an active child, but a lot of activities at this age are standing in lines then taking a turn. Each child maybe moves around 10 minutes in a 45 minute class. It's also easy for an inactive child to do very little. I think there is a clearer link with how much time they are sedentary. I can say, as someone with an 8 and 11 yo, that the children that were a little bulky aged 5 are now considerably overweight, this is the age to get them moving around as much as possible as a default setting. It's still under your control - a couple more years and these habits are more set.

Mumsnet is not the place for advice about this in my opinion you only have to do a small amount of research to know that BMI is completely flawed. Throw that letter away!

Bodies come in all shapes and sizes if this was her height you would not be feeling worried as you wouldn’t think you would have control over it. I really recommend Molly Forbes - Body Happy Kids book. Best to bolster her confidence now because as this thread will show you people are incredibly judgemental and cruel when it comes to weight. Good luck!

@theton

But we have. Years ago most children were slim and if a child was overweight they stuck out like a sore thumb. These days a quarter of the class are overweight. But it's generally accepted as normal.

Where is this? My dc are in school & I work in schools. Most dc are still slim.

One in five kids in reception are overweight and one in three by year six. That's the national average will be higher in more deprived areas. We are so used to seeing overweight children that we don't notice them as being overweight. My skinny kids look underweight compared to their peers but are actually middle centiles. Most of their friends carry a lot of extra weight but would be described as 'solid' but thus ys because itvus more the norm nowadays for kids to be a bit chubby rather than in my childhood you would get an occasional Roland from Grange Hill overweight anomaly that stuck our like a sore thumb amid a class of slim kids. Particularly after lockdown I was quite shocked at how big a lot of the kids had got in my sons class.

Come back in 5 years & tell us how it all worked out, OP.
Like I said, my DS wasn't flagged as overweight when I thought he was obviously plump. I'm the only one who ever says that, though!

The definitely plump kids in DC primary were usually in clothes 2-3 years above their own age by yr2/3. Their mothers came up with all sorts of justifications why this was ok.

I 100% ignored my similar letter (and another 98th centile baby). A few years later my DC is positively skinny. If they are active and eat healthily I would honestly not give it a second thought.

I hate this... i understand (sort of) the point that nhs are trying to make.. overweight children are more likely to become OW adults meaning more strain on nhs but... theres a difference between someone feeding their kids pizzas and crisps and choc then them being OW...and feeding them with healthy foods and exercise and them being OW! ...
I am obese because i comfort eat but i know what's a healthy diet (i just dont do it) but i feed my baby properly and shes also very heavy (on the 90 something percentile) and i get looked at like i am feeding her junk as people think im fat so i dont eat right therefore i mustnt be feeding my child right either...not true

My ds is nearly three, but he is heavy, tall, and has size 7 feet. He was 9'9 when born and for the first ten months of his life was 'fat'. But he started moving and He got tall. He's in age 3-4 trousers that are the right length, but big on his waist/bum.

He's around 2 stone 7lb. But he has been since the summer. I did tell the hv I was concerned as he was heavy, she looked at him and said he was talk, fit and active.

One thing that I think the mean-spirited "look how fat everyone is, tsk tsk" posters just don't seem to appreciate is that HEALTHY human bodies come in a wide variety of sizes.

If you ever watch the opening or closing ceremonies at an Olympics, you see the range of sizes of those world-beating athletes and it's really mind-blowing. We are meant to think that fashion models with severe eating disorders have perfect bodies, but they are actually super unhealthy people. Look at an olympic female shot-putter or javelin thrower. They are big. They have subcutaneous fat. They are heavy. AND they are super-fit and among the best in the world at their athletic discipline.

Some kids are going to be sprinters, some are going to throw the shotput. Both body types are equally valid, FFS.

If your DD has a large but healthy body, and is happy in her skin, then nothing else matters.

Apologies for use of the word normal in advance.

My DD was classed as underweight but reading the letter she was 2lb under the ‘normal’ weight so I ignored it. What is the difference between the weight of your DC and the maximum ‘normal’ weight?