The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

You don't have to consent to child monitoring. If you're happy she's healthy, then just withdraw your permission.

BMI is bullshit.

@RatherBeRiding

Honestly if she's always been on the same centile, doesn't eat junk food/overeat and is active and otherwise healthy.....I'd ignore it. Chances are she will have a growth spurt sooner or later and be back on the same centile for height again.

If you feel you HAVE to do something, then take her to GP again - GP says she's fine and not to worry - job done!

Exactly. I thought the usual stance was to keep portions the same and allow the child to grow into the diet rather than trying to reduce their intake. Good luck, OP.

I was told one my DSs was overweight when he was Year 6 - he was an active sports person and had just grown muscle mass a bit sooner than others. He didn’t have any fat on him!

A happy healthy child is what you are aiming for, so well done, she's that, loves to eat good healthy food and take part in exercise. Everything else is irrelevant and if I could do one thing differently it would be not to talk about food/diets/calories/weight/appearance at all in childhood, not even surreptitiously, and certainly not taking them to the drs or HV or charting anything- you don't need to do any of that. That way madness, and eating disorders, lie, as children get to feel their bodies are 'wrong' and thinner is better.

Eat healthily, exercise together, lots of positive affirmation of bodies as useful and leave the rest behind.

My DD7 would have been classed as overweight but I refused permission to have her weighed. DD is very tall for her age because she has early puberty.

But shes so skinny she still fits age 5 dresses (now worn as tunics).

It sounds like she's eating a healthy diet but maybe she's having too much? I'd just reduce her portions down a bit.

I really wouldn't worry if she is healthy and eats well.

The only thing that comes to mind, though - does she drink water? A friend's daughter only drinks fruit juice, and is overweight. I sometimes wonder if all the juice is the reason - it is high in sugar.

For a 5 year old they recommend half adult portion. So easy way to check is to ensure your portions are ok. Bupa has a decent suggested portion guide.
Is she at a breakfast or after club? They tend to offer food that’s easy to overeat so eg if she’s having 2 weetabix plus toast with toppings on could be eating far more than recommended portion.

I remember that letter ten years ago! DD was deemed to be in normal range but tbh it went straight in the bin because we knew that already.

Dd is 15 now. Not sporty but walks for frigging miles, loves a hike up a hill, eats too many biscuits but is maintaining a size 10.

I wouldn't worry too much. Some kids grow into themselves, some just have puppy fat, some are in solid muscle already. Your child will be fine.

I do agree not to worry too much, it's almost certainly even itself out as she grows, but are you absolutely sure she's eating the right portion sizes? The 'correct' recommended portions for a 4 year old are absolutely tiny to my eyes (a lot of things based on the size of their fist/palm of their hand), certainly a lot less than you'd be served as a child's portion in most restaurants or that most people would dish out as a 'normal child's portion' for instance. It's really easy if you eat as a family (which of course is great in lots of other ways) to accidentally give much bigger portions to the children than they should be having compared to the adults, perhaps a small thing you could do is invest in some child sized plates for her just to keep an eye on it? It can be badged to her as a treat so she doesn't need to know it's because of worries about her weight, or if you're like me it might do the whole family good to eat off smaller plates/have smaller portions ?

completely different story Dh is Asian moderate height & was () really skinny
for years he weighed below 9 stone so when the nurse did health check ups she use to deduct a couple of inches of his height as she knew he was fine & didn't want him to be reviewed by gp!!!
the height & weight charts are average & do not take into account different builds & shock! horror! dc grow at different rates & some put on weight before they have growth spurts & different racial ethnic groups have different growth patterns.

Put the letter in the bin

I was a nine pound baby. I didn't look like a nine pound baby. Was weighed 3 times on two different sets of scales by the midwife.

I look underweight at under 10 stone and I'm 5ft6. I still weigh more than I look apparently.

I'm solid, rarely ill. Never broken a bone. If you're worried take her to the GP, otherwise just ignore the letter.

Eats wells, fit and active and healthy and happy. Then keep doing as you are doing. Do not have a child worried about what they weigh or how they look. I got told off over the phone during lockdown because my then 4 year is 'too skinny'. She isn't. That is the way she is built and has been since birth. Weight does not indicate health.

What's her height percentile? It doesn't have to be 98th not to be obese.

My child has no "off" button for food, is she similar? It doesn't sound it, but you could try a leptin- friendly diet to see if that helps.

@whippetwoman

If it's any help, my DD was the opposite and always came out as underweight so I too had letters at various points. She was born on the 2nd centile and stayed there. She is now tall and very slim and grew into her body. I really wouldn't worry too much - they tend to even out eventually.

I know this kind of comment is meant really well and may well be true for the OP - though none of us reading the thread can know - but the fact is that they don't all even out eventually. Overweight and obese children are far more likely to become overweight and obese adults than children of a healthy weight. 27% of 16-24 year olds are overweight or obese. These threads telling people it's certainly nothing to worry about are a concern given those facts - in very many cases there really will be something to worry about.

You could get the GP to write a letter you can take to the school and then remove her from the school monitoring.
I've watched family members get so stressed by the school's comments on their DCs' weights - for DCs who were tiny rather than heavier. Just remove that stress from your life. You don't need it

Please don't take any notice and throw the letter in the bin!
We got one years ago for DD....she was a solid child but very active....the so called extra weight disappeared as she grew, she's now in her twenties and has no weight issues
I can remember being upset by it tho

Don't let such things upset you, op. You know your daughter is healthy. So what if she weighs more than she looks (I am the same), she has good bones. She is also an individual and no one size fits all. As long as you and the GP are happy, forget it.

It sounds like a metabolic issue. One great book is "why we eat too much" it explains genetic obesity very well (I am not saying your daughter eats too much).

It also gives solutions and you will probably breathe a sigh of relief when you read it, as it explains the genetic and metabolic pathways in obesity. It is not a diet book but gives great suggestions on how to manage.

Hello.

First of all, it's understandable how you feel. Rationally though, your GP has reassured you that they do not think this is a problem - and they have seen her. (and many many other children of her age)

We all grow in different patterns and it's not linear - more jumps and starts - so when a child is measured at a single point it could be at the end of a growth spurt or just before the start.

It might be worth talking to your parents about whether you or her dad followed a similar pattern in childhood. Genetics really do make a difference.

On the bad news side, exercise is great for building healthy heart and muscles, as well as for improving mood and mental health but it has not been shown to make much difference to weight.

Some children are simply hungrier and more interested in food, both in a sensory way or in boosting pleasure hormones. Does she have times when she's not interested in food, and other times when she's 'starving' - this would be normal and is a sign of her 'listening to her body' which is vital. Can she delay gratification, waiting to eat rather than having to eat 'right now' - this is an important skill for more than just food.

I think the key things that have been shown to help is role modelling by adults of healthy behaviours - eating a wide variety of food, lots of vegetables, finishing eating because 'you've had enough' rather than because you've cleared the plate, not describing foods as good/bad and buying food that you're happy for your child to eat in unrestricted quantities. (within reason!)

Hope some of that is helpful. Feel free to ignore if not.

Ignore it.

I refused to consent to my DD being weighed in school as I knew we'd have had to deal with the same nonsense.

Weighing her will only tell them how much she weights it's pointless if they don't use their common sense and look at a physically active child and accept that she's actually fine for her body type. When my youngest DD was in infant's school her friends mum got one of those letters. Said child was the most active you could imagine she was just all lean muscle and bone. She now competes in triathlons. Definitely don't worry about this, one size doesn't fit all in weight or anything else in life.

Do you agree she's chunky or do you think the letter was wrong and she's not "really" overweight? What size clothing does she wear & does she need it for length or girth?

When DS was chunky I reduced his portion sizes and even snack frequency/portion sizes. He slimmed down over some months and is now a trim teenager. I was very amazed not to be getting "the letter" when he was 4 nearly 5yo. He was so obviously chunky to look at.

What does she drink?
How many different vegetables does she eat a month?
How much chocolate/cake/sweets does she have a day?

I’d focus on this OP if you’re not overly concerned by her physique.