The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

OP what is her BMI? The range is pretty wide for small kids. I think it’s only over the 84th percentile kids that age are considered overweight.

How many MNers or their children are elite athletes?

And anyway... Quite small % of elite athletes have "high" BMIs; and often when they do, it's because that extra weight helps to win in their specific sport (eg., lifting, wrestling, throwing things).

I just chose one at random, Andreas Thorkildsen, gold medalist javelin thrower, 2004. 90 kg, 1.88 m tall = 25.4 BMI

You can be satisfied AT is/was in the 'overweight' category -- but only just. And there would be nothing wrong with him dropping 10 kg. DS is the same height, not scrawny, and 23 kg lighter... Probably because DS is not an elite athlete.

Look at an olympic female shot-putter or javelin thrower. They are big. They have subcutaneous fat. They are heavy. AND they are super-fit and among the best in the world at their athletic discipline.

But you're comparing apples and oranges. A 5 year old child is not doing anywhere near the same amount of weight lifting or exercise that an Olympic athlete is doing. They might do a bit of running around in their PE class, or walk to school, or play with their friends in the park. Not comparable to my muscular friends I know who spend hours per week at the gym doing targeted weight lifting and eating a high protein diet.

And no one is being "mean spirited". AIBU is the wrong place to be if you don't want honest responses.

Btw I'm slightly overweight and also a runner with a decent level of fitness - probably the best I'm going to get until I slim down a bit. I'm not in denial about it though. But exercising and being active on its own doesn't make you slim. It's mainly diet.

Ignore letter. Go to Gp.

I think maybe the point some pp are making is that it’s not a given children who flag as overweight or obese in BMI as kids will definitely be overweight in future, they may naturally have a different frame.

It’s interesting isn’t it though as DC eats well and is very active. Some other children in her class eat no end of junk and sweets and spend much longer gaming/watching tv. I don’t feel my DC is automatically less healthy than them just due to her size as overall her lifestyle and habits are far healthier but to people looking in it’s she’s overweight=she is unhealthy.

School is a 40 min round trip, so does this equate to 20mins there and 20mins home? If so that doesn't sound that much actually.
Re the activities she does, are they really that active or is half the time spent waiting for your turn? Or getting ready? Or watching the leader?
I'm not criticising, just wondering.
DD got a letter saying she was too thin, I remember being mortified and thinking that school must think she was half starved. She's 25 now and still a tiny 5'2" size 8. Unlike her brothers who are huge 6'3" rugby players.

Weight is just one part of health. No one has said that your dd is less healthy than the other children, have they?

I think this is why so many people don't address their weight, because telling someone that they are overweight is seen as a huge insult to be rubbished and ignored.

Yes you could be very slim but surviving on fags and haribos. That doesn't mean that the overweight person who eats lovely healthy homemade meals but slightly too big portions shouldn't tweak their diet.

@StScholastica yeah 20 mins walk each way. I don’t mean that’s the only activity she does on a school day it was just to show we generally walk everywhere and don’t rely on a car. She generally goes straight in and back out into the garden and plays until tea time. She is very active when playing at school and at the park etc- always climbing up everything and running about. She certainly isn’t lazy!

Reading your posts it sounds like you have nothing to be concerned about. Don’t take the negative comments to heart. These.letters have been upsetting parents for years. Maybe AIBU wasn’t the best idea but on the plus side you’ve not gone to the Daily Fail with a double page spread where there’s a massive picture of you and your DC looking miserable holding the letter.

How far below the 98th percentile is her height, and are you, dh or anyone in your families tall?

I ask because a friend's daughter was the same in reception - 98th centile for weight about about 80th for height. She's gradually stretched out and, at 13, is about 5' 9" and not slightly built, but exactly the same strong, sturdy build as her mum who is a bit taller.

I haven't read all 13 Pages. OP, sounds ridiculous but have you checked the height and weight have been recorded accurately on all the records? My DD is recovering from anorexia but when she was admitted to hospital from an outpatient appointment we realised they hadn't recorded her height properly 98th centile, so her BMI was wrong. I had spent ages worry about it and got nowhere. Realise it's the opposite situation to your case but check they have the correct measurements. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Hugs

digital.nhs.uk/news/2021/significant-increase-in-obesity-rates-among-primary-aged-children-latest-statistics-show

41% children overweight by yr 6

Or maybe they’re all ‘stocky’

I was told when my son was 7 and a half months old he was clinically obese! I was told to cut his milk intake.He had only just started eating some solid foods. At his 12 month check he weighed 27lb 8oz so almost 2st he was a healthy baby. I wasn’t concerned as I gave him a good varied diet I also didn’t cut down his milk intake as milk was still the biggest part of his diet, he was tall also and solid. Fast forward 17 years and he is now 6ft 3in of slender build it’s also worth noting he was 9lb 7oz at birth I too was praised by the midwife when he was weighed on day 6 and was 10lb 2oz. From what you have said you have a healthy active little girl you also said the GP has said everything is ok. Maybe just watch and see for a little while.

@Puzzledlook who told you that your 7 month old was obese?

The NHS don't classify under 2's this way and didn't when my teenager was a baby.

All the anecdotal stories in the world about how an overweight child didn’t become an overweight adult doesn’t outweigh the fact that statistically the vast majority of overweight children become overweight adults.

They don’t weigh and spend valuable NHS money on this for shits and giggles - it’s to try and intervene and help kids and parents. It astounds me how in the face of all the evidence so many parents on here don’t want to do right by their children. Ignorance and arrogance

@cantbecoping

Solid, broad, all there, big boned, chunky, heavy to lift, sturdy, muscle weighs more than fat, stocky….. but not fat, sure they go to dance class!

Excuses, denial, bullshit. The majority of fat kids grow into fat adults. Yet people are telling others to bin the letters. They mean nothing. Your kid is off the charts but it means nothing. Cop the hell on and at least take a closer look at their diet.

Not always! Deliberately blurred but here is me on my 16th birthday, next to someone the same age This is what I mean by broad, I am towering over the person next to me and physically wider I wasn't fat or overweight, I'm in size 10 trousers there and a size 12 top (I was a 30E bra) . Just feel like a lumbering giant next to people

I don’t understand when a child that was born on or above the 91st centile for weight and remained there is supposed to move down the centiles. Presumably it’s supposed to happen before two years old. It hasn’t happened for my son, he’s still tracking the 99.6th line precisely. At birth that was A Good Thing. When I was breastfeeding him that was A Good Thing. Presumably it’s not now. When are the parents of larger babies supposed to put them on diets?

I was convinced it was all ridiculous when I got the letter about my son.

If I put his age and weight and height into a calculator it said he was very overweight.

If I put in his weight and height but aged him 2 years he came out perfectly healthy.

For children they use centiles. It’s not really BMI because BMI is a calculation and isn’t about where you fall compared with others.

If I put my weight and height into a calculator it’s the same regardless of age. Why isn’t it for children? If it’s a ratio then the centiles shouldn’t matter.

So what if my son is heavier than 98% of his age group? He’s taller than 98% of them too.

It makes no sense at all and that’s why people get so fucked off.

My 9yo is in trousers for 11 year olds. I have to take in the waists but he is very tall. Trousers for his age fit but end up above his ankles.

My 4yo in nursery is taller than some of the year 1 kids. Exactly the same again.

The doctor has said he’s clearly not overweight so just ignore.

@Chasingaftermidnight

Ah. Another one with a baby over 11lb. It’s barmy isn’t it?

Don't worry and keep her active. Had exactly the same letter for both my kids at that age and secondary school. Son was taken in by school nurse and asked what he ate and how much exercise he'd done that weekend- was a 15 mile hike with scouts and he moaning said his.mum made him eat veg and no chocolate. He hit puberty early and nothing more was said. He now goes to gym regularly and has a 30 inch waist but a 40 inch chest. DD dances hard ie grade 6 ballet modern and tap 8 hours a week. If looked at on child rates she is still overweight but not on adults. She hit puberty at 10 and stopped growing about 13. She's nearly 15 and a size 8. What I'm trying to say is if you keep with a healthy diet and regular exercise ignore the letter it will even itself out and you won't have a daughter with an eating disorder which is all too common. I did mention my daughters weight to her at that age to my horror and now regret she still refers it and it ruined her body confidence for many years. We openly talk about how it made her feel and she now realises she's a gorgeous curvy girl and not fat just has a bust and hips! These letters make me so cross as an HCP. Do they even look at the kids living on fried food and take out who aren't overweight but are actually less healthy

@Merryoldgoat

I was convinced it was all ridiculous when I got the letter about my son.

If I put his age and weight and height into a calculator it said he was very overweight.

If I put in his weight and height but aged him 2 years he came out perfectly healthy.

For children they use centiles. It’s not really BMI because BMI is a calculation and isn’t about where you fall compared with others.

If I put my weight and height into a calculator it’s the same regardless of age. Why isn’t it for children? If it’s a ratio then the centiles shouldn’t matter.

So what if my son is heavier than 98% of his age group? He’s taller than 98% of them too.

It makes no sense at all and that’s why people get so fucked off.

My 9yo is in trousers for 11 year olds. I have to take in the waists but he is very tall. Trousers for his age fit but end up above his ankles.

My 4yo in nursery is taller than some of the year 1 kids. Exactly the same again.

The doctor has said he’s clearly not overweight so just ignore.

I don't think you've understood how it works. Children's BMI changes with age. It's not meant to be the same as an adult's. A 6 year old with a BMI of 17 is overweight. An adult with that BMI is not. If you look at the charts, babies have higher bmis, it dips down to very low about 6-7 and then gradually increases to puberty. Thats why centiles are used with the reference population being that of 1992 if I remember correctly. Otherwise every year- or even every month - the bmi range would have to change So,yes a bmi which is overweight for 6 year old might not be for 8. Thats why your son was overweight with the correct age and not when you added 2 years. Look at the charts of bmi and you'll understand.

The sheer number of parents on this thread declaring it didn’t work for them and their child is just ‘broad’ or ‘stocky’ or like their (probably overweight dad) shows just why this is the case - because so many parents are in denial. Their children are fat for their age and will likely grow up fat.

Yes to this. I have never yet weighed and measured a child who had a high BMI and looked at their physique and thought "that can't be right".

90% of the time they say "he's stocky/solid/ well built like his Dad" yes he is, because Dad is overweight too.

Almost no child will be so muscly they skew a BMI chart. Also when people state "loads of exercise" half the time they mean, she goes in the garden and has a 30 minute swimming lesson.

NHS guidelines:

Children and adolescents ages 6 through 17 years should do 60 minutes (1 hour) or more of moderate-to-vigorous intensity physical activity each day, including activities that strengthen bones (like running or jumping) – 3 days each week.

Please all stop being in denial about your children's weight.

Kids in the UK eat so much beige food, so few eat their 5 fruit and veg a day and so many are sedentary. All these letters can't be wrong for every child.

@MrOllivander You don't look particularly fat in the picture, but you do look heavy for a just turning 16 year old. You were certainly not 'skinny'. A 16 year old should not be their full adult weight yet and I would expect one that looked like you on their 16th birthday to be on track to become an overweight adult- it would be interesting to know if you are still slim or now overweight?

She's your daughter you can do what you want. This wouldn't have been a thing in the past. Most adults in the UK are considered overweight. You know your daughter is healthy and doesn't eat a bad diet and exercises regularly so there's nothing to worry about.