The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

I got the same letter from school. Co-incidentally DC had an appointment with a consultant for an unrelated issue and I mentioned it.

Having just looked at her stripped down to her pants, and weighed and measured her she concluded she didn’t understand why DC was as heavy as they are.

DC was also questioned about their activity level and ha just completed their 10th adult Parkrun at 5 years old that morning and we had interrupted our camping holiday to attend.

The Dr said, some kids are just heavier than others.

My DS was exactly the same. He definitely looked quite well built until he reached 15 when he seemed to stretch and became very slim and lean. He’s now 18, 6 ft 6 and the perfect BMI.

We had that letter. The day after the GP had her stripped down to her knickers and commented how skinny she was. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have never been aware of my dcs position on any centile chart and they're now teens.
I have gone purely by them being tall and fitting into the waist size they're meant to by age.

What I'd do in this situation is actually monitor what she eats for a week in terms of calorie intake (without her being aware). If your idea of home cooked food is a rich lasagne with garlic bread then what's going in is going to be a lot different than plain fish and boiled veg.

Send her with a healthy packed lunch that you've made. Monitor the lot and then have a realistic look at it all.

It must sting but I think you need to have a really good look at diet first and take any advice on offer.

Honestly if she's always been on the same centile, doesn't eat junk food/overeat and is active and otherwise healthy.....I'd ignore it. Chances are she will have a growth spurt sooner or later and be back on the same centile for height again.

If you feel you HAVE to do something, then take her to GP again - GP says she's fine and not to worry - job done!

I wouldn't worry about it. You know what she eats, you know how active she is, and the GP says not to worry. There are a range of different body types, and some are just bigger than others. I've worried about this with my daughter for years - same thing, she eats a good, healthy diet, exercises regularly (gymnastics, running club, competitive swimming), we don't have fizzy drinks, crisps or biscuits regularly, but her bmi is 97-98 percentile (also not that for height). She's now 10, and the same shape. She fits into clothes for her age, her BMI isn't increasing, she eats healthily, has a positive body image (I have never mentioned her weight to her), so I think that's what counts. We are careful with portion sizes (they have child-sized plates), but at the end of the day, you can't control every bite that goes into their mouths. I have seen it said that it is your job to supply healthy, balanced meals, but their job to learn to regulate their eating. I think being too restrictive with food can cause problems later on.

@whirlygirl yes I will. I have done this before when she was younger- I did a food diary for about 3 weeks to show the HV I wasn’t stuffing her with rubbish! DH is a doctor and we are both healthy weights and eat well and exercise so I don’t think it’s a case of we don’t know what a healthy diet looks like IYKWIM.

Thanks @RonObvious I’ve done a lot of reading and we follow the Ellyn Satter division of responsibility feeding thing which works well for us.

Honestly OP most people think of weight and think ooh calories, what are you feeding her? But it's often the kid is muscular, strong, growing on their trajectory, etc, and unfortunately HV / school health training can be rubbish in this regard. Often they have no understanding whatsoever outside of calories as a potential cause to get too big, with no understanding of individual differences.

I'd stop the weighing and measuring as you don't want her to develop an eating disorder. Be consistent with the message that she's doing well being active. Try watching empty calories if these may be sneaking in, e.g. water as a drink and if a big meal then fruit for pudding. Only smaller snacks between meals like fruit and yoghurt.

I’d see Gp and ask for referral to paediatrician and dietician to rule out anything untoward. Then if upshot is she’s fine you can say paediatrician says fine.
I think with children advice is not to lose but to maintain then they grow into weight.
I’d really look at suggested 5 yr old portions they are much smaller than most people have. Cereal, pasta etc most people eat too big a serving. Maybe keep a detailed log for a few weeks to show paediatrician/dietician.
Is anyone giving her food eg biscuits at clubs or grandma.
Is she drinking calories eg large amounts of fresh juice or milk.

Possibly portion sizes are too large. There is such a wide range of portion sizes people have at home and to them they are "normal" sizes when it is actually quite a lot more than needed.

My DS when a baby was fat. He was a solid toddler. He then grew into his weight.

I know its upsetting but she is active so needs food.

Chuck it in the bin and forget about it.

My dd was on the 4th centile consistently. She got one of those letters saying she was obese. You could see all her fucking bones, she was so skinny. If anything, she was underweight.

Exercise wise she sounds fine. If it was just classes I’d caution that they often aren’t as active as you think eg busy gym class they may be standing around a lot waiting for their turn. But walking is walking.

[quote Hell0G00dbye]@whirlygirl yes I will. I have done this before when she was younger- I did a food diary for about 3 weeks to show the HV I wasn’t stuffing her with rubbish! DH is a doctor and we are both healthy weights and eat well and exercise so I don’t think it’s a case of we don’t know what a healthy diet looks like IYKWIM.[/quote]
The only thing I would say is that have you considered the possibility of a metabolic issue?

It's something I wish I had been diagnosed with as a child; it would have made life a lot easier if I'd had my thyroid tested back then instead of wondering how I was managing to put on weight with a balanced diet and participating in several sports.

If it's any help, my DD was the opposite and always came out as underweight so I too had letters at various points. She was born on the 2nd centile and stayed there. She is now tall and very slim and grew into her body. I really wouldn't worry too much - they tend to even out eventually.

OP, as I understand it the letter just looks for engagement/acknowledgement. I have a BF whose in exactly the same position whose also a Dr. She just called up, listened to what they had to say gave her piece and that was it. Whatever happens tho, pls don’t let your daughter overhear

What is her height centile? If there's a massive difference between that and her weight centile then it may be worth speaking to a GP again.

My ds is heavy, and was overweight as a primary/early secondary kid, not hugely so, but I was aware and we’d focus on healthy eating etc

I had a father who told me I was overweight all the time when I actually bloody wasn’t

That’s done me more harm than anything

I never said anything to ds about being overweight, just promoting healthy choices

My ds is now a hulking teen, got himself fit and training frequently, he looks better, feels better and is happy and healthy

I dare say he still weighs a lot, but he’s always been irrationally heavy even from a year old

Those letter are a crock of! My DD was the tallest in her class and wore 10 year old clothes (for height) when she was 6. I had to nip the waist in. I got that letter too.
They only weigh at that age they don't take into account their height, cause all 6 year olds are the same height right!!!
If I put her weight into the chart for her clothing height she was fine, looked fine too.
Ignore the letter.

Ignore it.

My son is the same. He was 11lb and 2 feet long at birth. It was constant bollocks.

The best thing you can do is throw these letters in the bin. You know your child. You know what she's fed and how active she is. If they want regular HV weigh ins, do them, smile, nod and quietly tell them to FO in your head and carry on as you were.

@user1471457751 she’s between the 50th and 75th for height I think.
She’s in the correct size clothing (mainly 4-5 currently and moving into 5-6) and doesn’t have any rolls or anything anywhere. To those saying don’t talk about it to her/in front of her- I am very careful to never mention anything to do with weight with her. We talk about eating healthily To be fit and strong rather than to do with weight.

If your DH is a doctor presumably he can respond and get them to take your child off the list?