The letter finally came. I’m really upset

[Hell0G00dbye]

Long story short DD has followed the 98th centile for weight since my 37 week growth scan. She has followed it perfectly and consistently which was applauded for the 6 months I breastfed and since then has been a big issue with the HV team. She’s at school and I’ve just received the letter saying she’s very overweight.

What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up.

The letter says contact the doctor or HV but I’ve taken her before. GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. HV just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions. Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her 2 year check and being made to go monthly to the HV for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile.

NB: she has followed the 98th centile but I think the issue is she isn’t 98th for height so her BMI puts her at very overweight.

Do you think she looks overweight ? What does your family think? I would get an objective opinion.
I wouldn't be overly invested in the scales.
Sounds like you are doing everything right but if you are overweight as a child you have an 80% chance of being so as an adult. It just gets harder and harder

I got the same letter for DD2 about 10 years ago. I put it straight in the bin and thought no more about it. She wasn’t fat let alone obese. She had a bit of a tummy but that was it.

She’s 17 now. 5ft 7ins and has a lovely figure.

I honestly wouldn’t worry.

I'd ignore it, tbh.

My daughter 11 and she followed 98 th for weight and 50 th for height. Recently consultant weigh her at hospital appointment and didn’t say anything about weight. At 9 months although she look tiny when carrying she was really heavy.

It’s always health visitors has issues. Some people bones weigh huge.

Stop the weighing and measuring. You might give her mental health issues. Instead, focus in your mind on how she looks. Is her tummy wobbly? Is her face fat? If so, adjust her food and exercise even more (but bear in mind that she may just end up tall, and tall kids often go through chubby phases as their body prepares to grow). If she really looks fat, ask the GP for advice and check if it is a reaction to medication eg any steroids.

Assuming she doesn’t look fat… Remember that the centile chart is about who is above and who is below average. Most kids will be below or above average, that’s what it means lol.

DS is skinny, wears clothes under average size for his age. Is consistently on 95th centile for weight and has been from birth. Average height. Is incredibly strong, tiny waist, defined stomach muscles. Basically his bones are made of lead and the rest of him is pure muscle. I think this is a good thing but on paper he looks overweight 🤣🤦‍♀️🤣

Ignore the health visitors their training is crap on weight, I’ve heard so many mothers say the same thing you do.

She wasn’t fat let alone obese. She had a bit of a tummy but that was it.

But isn’t that being a bit fat?

And they wonder why kids have eating disorders !!!!

I wouldnt get preoccupied about BMI and/or weight.

My main indicator of being overweight is waist size. I have seen many primary school DC with large waists and in all cases they are overweight teenagers. So if your DC is active, doesnt have a large waist line ,isnt over eating on rubbish then I wouldnt worry about it.

Some kids are overweight.
Some are just heavily built.
None of us can tell you what your child is. Following the same line since birth makes the second more likely, but im not an expert.

My child has been the opposite all her live... her height centile a lot higher than her weight. At baby weighing the HV used to look twice (but the conclusion was she was just long!). She was 8th Centile on the Yr6 check, so within healthy. But she eats loads. (But only if she's hungry, she will stop halfway through an ice cream for example if she's had enough).

When they’re little all the HCPs say don’t worry if they track along their centile on the charts - sounds like your DD is doing exactly that so I’d ignore it and decline participation in future school weigh ins. She has also been seen many times before and no GP has raised it as an issue so don’t bother wasting an appointment to be told the same thing again - it would be more of an issue if she had suddenly jumped centiles and gained weight despite not changing eating habits/activity levels!

I'd follow the gp.

@Enough4me

I'd stop the weighing and measuring as you don't want her to develop an eating disorder. Be consistent with the message that she's doing well being active. Try watching empty calories if these may be sneaking in, e.g. water as a drink and if a big meal then fruit for pudding. Only smaller snacks between meals like fruit and yoghurt.

A child following a healthy diet shouldnt need snacks between meals, especially not sugar and fat laden snacks like fruit and yogurt. This obsession with people being unable to manage without food for longer than a couple of hours is what is fuelling obesity. Food manufacturers push the idea of snacks / anxiety about food because they know people fall for it.

By all means have the odd ice cream, or cake with a drink on a day out, or a bit of toast if you are “absolutely starving mum!” , but to deliberately build snacks into your child’s daily routine is only encouraging blood sugar spikes , empty calories and habits that take years to break.

[quote Hell0G00dbye]@user1471457751 she’s between the 50th and 75th for height I think.
She’s in the correct size clothing (mainly 4-5 currently and moving into 5-6) and doesn’t have any rolls or anything anywhere. To those saying don’t talk about it to her/in front of her- I am very careful to never mention anything to do with weight with her. We talk about eating healthily To be fit and strong rather than to do with weight.[/quote]
@user1471457751: it really sounds like you are doing all the right things. If you cannot see overweight, she probably is not overweight!

Some children really are just heavier, with a solid build. Id just continue with healthy eating, try to ensure your DD does not get to into snacking/sweets (which is harder to control as she gets older) and put it aside.

One thing: try to keep an objective eye as she gets older. We can get very used to how family look so you might not notice if she becomes bigger.

This was my DD!
Born weighing 8lb 8oz, grew on the 98th percentile.
She's now 13 and a very healthy 8stone and 5 foot 3.

Don't worry about it op.

I would completely ignore. DS and DD were both between 91st & 98th percentile consistently and are now late teens. DS is 6'4", slim but strong build, no fat on him and still very heavy. DD is also tall, broad shouldered, tiny waisted but strong athletic built. Both have always had healthy balanced diets including some treats and junk along the way. Portions were never limited other than for junk.

I’ve just opted out of the hv system due to similar
My youngest is 21 m and yes she’s massive ! But she doesn’t eat that much and what she does eat is very healthy the ‘issue’ apparently is breastfeeding and I’ve been told to stop night feeds or give up entirely as she is over the top line she’s that big .

My other dc were similar and they then shot up and were skinny and tall by age 5/6 but I have had constant criticism and insinuating there’s something wrong with me for continuing bf at her age

Homemade doesn’t always mean healthy and portion size is something to look at too. I say this as a parent of an overweight teenager who has been ‘obese’ on and off since he came to live with me at 5 years old, so I have zero judgement. These are some of the things I identified and it briefly solved the issue until he hit teens. Now I can’t force exercise and he eats constantly and loves eating junk (buys with pocket money from grandma) It’s much harder now. I made sure I never mentioned his weight to him, nor did I ever weigh him at home and I still assume that’s the best thing to do but as you can see.. I have failed and he is more overweight now than ever

Thanks for all your responses.

She drinks mainly water, occasionally sugar free squash on a weekend but never fruit juice really and rarely milk these days.

In the week no treats really- yogurt or fruit after tea. She generally has toast or sugar free cereal for breakfast and school dinners.

She might have an ice cream after school on a Friday, whatever is on offer at kids parties as I don’t want to stop her eating in front of others (she is no different to the other kids there in how she eats). Portion wise we use child plates, start portions small and she can have more if she’s still hungry. Definitely don’t load plates and expect her to finish it!

I'm sorry but of she is measuring as overweight she's overweight. People are always in denial about it. Children shouldn't be solid they should be slender. Most children of normal weight will be described by parents as thin/ scrawny.

If she's solid and heavy she's too fat.

@sharnie1962

And they wonder why kids have eating disorders !!!!

Is it because people are utterly delusion about the weight and appearance of their children when receiving letters telling them that they're obese?

It sounds like you’re doing everything right. My HV told me she was worried about DS head measurements at 8 months because it had gone from about 70th to 15th centile or thereabouts . GP wasn’t as bothered but referred. Alder Hey expert took a few minutes to look at him, measured both our heads and pronounced there was nothing wrong with him and that as I have a small head it’s likely to be hereditary and that that was the most likely explanation. A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

Write back and tell them to piss off and stop using such nasty, outdated measures.

@Brieandcamembert

I'm sorry but of she is measuring as overweight she's overweight. People are always in denial about it. Children shouldn't be solid they should be slender. Most children of normal weight will be described by parents as thin/ scrawny.

If she's solid and heavy she's too fat.

People no longer knows what 'looks healthy' because obesity is so common now. Looking at old school photos the 'fat' child just looks average now.

*We used to call it big bones. Big bones weigh heavy, but they are great for sport, especially endurance sport. Muscle weighs heavier by volume than flab. It s dense.

If your daughter weighs a lot, but she is very active and fir, she probably has plenty of ( heavy ) muscle*

What uneducated rubbish. There are no such things as big bones. Yes muscle is denser than fat but preschoolers aren't muscly like that. That's only a factor when you are an athletic adult.