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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most teens are actually pretty fab?

170 replies

NeedAHoliday2021 · 28/03/2022 20:23

My dc are getting older (10-14) and I’m loving this age of independence, hanging out together and moments of real closeness. It’s not just them, their friends are lovely, friendly, polite. There’s moments of hormones but they support each other. I love watching them grow and have enjoyed every stage but everyone always tells me teens is where that stop and they’ll be a nightmare.

Am I alone in actually liking teens? Not just my own. Some teens are dicks but so are some adults. Most are nice though aren’t they? This is prompted by multiple Fb posts realising dc are going to secondary and parents are yearning for their babies back. I just don’t feel like that.

OP posts:
52andblue · 29/03/2022 08:49

.

pointythings · 29/03/2022 08:50

I found the teen years far easier than the toddler years and the tween years. We had some tough times, but that wasn't down to them - it was fully down to their father. And even then they stayed lovely and it brought the three of us closer. Their friends were all lovely too.

Beyond that the teens I've interacted with around town have all been lovely too.

Tobacco · 29/03/2022 08:57

I think teenagers tend to be stereotyped a lot, so a thread like this is worthwhile. I've seen people say "teenage girls are bitches" or "teenagers are horrible" Yes, some are, but let's not forget many aren't!

Original poster
NeedAHoliday2021 · 29/03/2022 09:27

@moomoogalicious we’ve had trans and porn (sent by year 9 boys) etc. I don’t think parenting is easy but I’m enjoying 14 and older teens I know seem lovely too (dd1’s friends older siblings).

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 29/03/2022 09:30

I love my teens! 15 next month and 17 . They are good company , funny and thought provoking.

lifelast · 29/03/2022 09:31

Thanks for this thread.

I've been dreading the teen years (eldest is 9) for a variety of reasons. My eldest has a lot stacked against him which may make the teen years hard for him and he also has problems with emotional regulation for a variety of reasons - and I am concerned about that when the teen years hit.

Thanks for this top tip @MrsTerryPratchett I've worked with 'challenging' teens and the vast majority are absolute poppets given the opportunity and if you have a consistently positive story about them to them

CornishGem1975 · 29/03/2022 09:33

I have two teenagers and I love them, it's maybe been one of my favourite times of parenting. They are great company.

LoganberryJam · 29/03/2022 09:34

YANBU. My teens and pre-teen (age 12, 14 and 16) are amazing, and their friends are lovely too.

Curioushorse · 29/03/2022 09:38

Bloody love teenagers. I'm a teacher. They make me laugh every day.

malificent7 · 29/03/2022 09:42

I love my teen...she is great fun but we have had our issues. She is very " willful" and her real dad has always been absent. She went off the rails a bit after the pandemic.Now suffers from panic attacks but it hands down beats parenting toddlers! I am very proud that she decided to do d of e off her own initiative and loves children and the elderly.
It helps to look back on my teen years and see that I was similar and remember all the issues that teens faced...things that my parents didn't empathise with...I can. I don't think teen experimentation and independence is a bad thing...unlike my parents.

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 29/03/2022 09:44

I love this thread. As a parent about to start the secondary journey with dd1 it gives me much hope. Her current group of friends are lovely so fingers crossed the new secondary group are too.

Solosunrise · 29/03/2022 09:46

I love teenagers too. Sweet, funny, vulnerable, crabby at times. I think they can have their moments, but don't we all?

thatgingergirl · 29/03/2022 09:49

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo
That's difficult to deal with. I hope things improve. Flowers

alloalloallo · 29/03/2022 10:24

I’ve loved the teen years too.

My eldest is now 20, youngest is 16 and I have found the teen years a lot easier than the baby/toddler years.

Neither of them are angels and it hasn’t been a walk in the park but they’re great company, make me laugh and far less frustrating than the early years.

DH and I used to foster years ago and ended up somewhat focussing on teens and they were great

steppemum · 29/03/2022 10:33

I have 3 teens.
They are lovely and it is a joy watching them become their own people.

But while I fundamentally agree with you, and think young people get a hard time, I have found parenting teens extremely hard.

It is not the behaviour, but rather supporting them through hard times.
eg my neice is anorexic, she is lovely, sweet, delightful person, who is fighting this awful disease. It has nearly broken my bother and SIL, and the whole family has been affected.
My own kids have had similar moments, and the anxiety and heartbreak of dealing with a teenager who is threatening suicide is enormous. You have to be calm and sensible and loving and and and and but inside you are in pieces.

So, it is not the teens who are hard but the circumstances and the difficulty of being a decent parent to them in those hard times.

GastroNuisance · 29/03/2022 11:03

Yes I have teens and I genuinely prefer them now more than ever.

They are independent and funny. They are easy to live with and I like their company.

oliviastwisted · 29/03/2022 11:24

It is not the behaviour, but rather supporting them through hard times

This is so true. The issues they face as teenagers are exponentially harder than issues faced on the younger years. We had to deal with suicidal ideation in an anxious teen as well and that was and is extremely hard.

On the other side of that there is the realisation though that they will face adversity in life and it is a privilege to go on the journey with them that gives them some skills and tools to deal with all of the things in life they will have to deal with. I know I was in a similar place in my teenage years and my parents were not emotionally available in those times. That made navigating teen issues so much more difficult. The fact that times have moved on and many more parents are much more available in that way to their teens is a really good thing.

QuizzicalEyebrows · 29/03/2022 11:31

My teens friends are all lovely and polite and chatty to me but I know for a fact they are right little buggers when they're out and about.

They are experts at hiding the truth

QuizzicalEyebrows · 29/03/2022 11:32

Forgot to add my teens are lovely although I know they get up to all sorts

beattieedny · 29/03/2022 11:33

I'm enjoying the teen years. They're such fun to be with, respectful to me and my husband and other adults. I agree that the hard bit is supporting them through emotional hard times.

lljkk · 29/03/2022 13:36

My eldest 2 were horrid & youngest 2 are fab; that sad, even the horrid teens were less stress to me than my average 6 year old was.

Usernameinsponeeded · 29/03/2022 13:47

Yanbu
I adore my teens and their friends.
I hate how all their lives people have warned me about how when they’re teenagers they’ll be unruly and a general nightmare. Couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s actually been my favourite stage of parenting if I’m completely honest. I also have a toddler, cute but so difficult. Teenagers are a lot easier. So any parents with toddlers who keep being told “oh of you think this is bad, wait til they’re teenagers”, just ignore.

katiejemima · 29/03/2022 14:42

Absolutely! Love them 💖

LadyMacduff · 29/03/2022 15:06

Yanbu. I teach secondary and the vast majority are polite, interesting, witty and thoughtful young people.

Tobacco · 29/03/2022 15:10

@Usernameinsponeeded

Yanbu I adore my teens and their friends. I hate how all their lives people have warned me about how when they’re teenagers they’ll be unruly and a general nightmare. Couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s actually been my favourite stage of parenting if I’m completely honest. I also have a toddler, cute but so difficult. Teenagers are a lot easier. So any parents with toddlers who keep being told “oh of you think this is bad, wait til they’re teenagers”, just ignore.
Agree with all of this. When I had baby girls I was told they'd be awful as teenagers. It was insinuated they might get pregnant and be bitches. Confused At 15 and 17 they are lovely. I found having a baby and toddler hard work, but I'm enjoying this stage.