To think most teens are actually pretty fab?

[NeedAHoliday2021]

My dc are getting older (10-14) and I’m loving this age of independence, hanging out together and moments of real closeness. It’s not just them, their friends are lovely, friendly, polite. There’s moments of hormones but they support each other. I love watching them grow and have enjoyed every stage but everyone always tells me teens is where that stop and they’ll be a nightmare.

Am I alone in actually liking teens? Not just my own. Some teens are dicks but so are some adults. Most are nice though aren’t they? This is prompted by multiple Fb posts realising dc are going to secondary and parents are yearning for their babies back. I just don’t feel like that.

I think horrible teens are a MN thing. Mine are lovely

As are their friends

I had rough time with mental health as teen, my parents believed in tough love approach and I have been an escalatory nightmare to them. We have good relationship now though.

My own teen boys are a sweet surprisingly emotionally intelligent delight, even if their ability to pick up dirty socks and retrieve multiple mouldy bowls from their bedroom could be improved...

I agree. I have 3 teens and they are great. Give me teens over younger kids any day.

[quote altiara]@quickscribble mine didn’t go through the terrible two’s and although she was a bit moody pre-teen, my DD has been amazing since she hit her teens.
This week when I had to work late, she cleaned downstairs and decluttered the kitchen so I could have a nice Mother’s Day. I’ve been really struggling to keep on top of everything so it was the best present I could have had.[/quote]
That's an incredibly thoughtful gesture. Also that she's able to be a good organiser would make me happy. I can see why that made your Mother's Day.

Hear hear. I have one tween and two teens and we have had our issues but this is my favourite age of all by a county mile. They're my darlings and my friends. Massive PITAs too at times but sooo much easier and heaps more fun than when they were little.
I even idly looked into fostering teens the other day. I don't think I quite have it in me but I can absolutely understand why people do.

I think horrible teens are a MN thing.

After teaching for 25 years, I can assure you that's not the case. In the past few months alone I have seen genuinely disgusting behaviour from teenagers, towards each other, towards staff, towards school property, and on one occasion towards a defenseless animal. And this us at a normal secondary school in a perfectly nice area. If I were not a teacher and only had contact with my own lovely teens and their lovely friends, I too would probably find it hard to believe.

Yes! Ds was very tricky at 11-12. At 17 he's a delight.

Our teens are generally fab too. Loved that they ticked me off on our family summer holiday as I was wistful we in UK and not abroad due to covid I was told to buck up this is our family summer holiday and we will make the best of it!

YABU.

My 17yo is a right wanker at the moment. I spent most of yesterday in tears. I'm disabled and I fell. She told me to "sort your fucking self out", passed off to her girlfriends house and my bathroom fitter had to pick me up off the floor.

My 15 and 17 year old dds and their friends are lovely.

(My 13 year old is bloody lovely though)

Yes but in a large comprehensive school as a teacher you are seeing ALL kids - a minority are sadly going to be vile. I’m sure most of them are not like that. My parents taught for their whole careers all their stress and upset from the job came from other teachers!

This is so true. One of mine is very challenging but he is a sweetheart too.

I don't have teens (yet, they're 5 and 11) but I said exactly this when I watched my niece in her school production last week. So many wonderful youngsters, giving up so much of their time for auditions, practice and finally the production itself. Wonderfully acted, beautifully choreographed, it was like a professional performance - a far cry from my school productions when I was younger! So many participated, involving all year groups. And they chose to do it, they weren't forced.

Teens are human, some are pleasant, some are difficult, hardly news.

Totally agree with this, I have 2 teens (16,13) and a 10 year old. They are all fabulous. I teach 18-22 year olds (some older) mostly males for the last 14 years and they are in the main completely fab people too. The MN teen stereotypes is definitely outside of my experience. I do think the majority of problems with teens comes from if they are not feeling heard or they feel controlled. Teens don’t seem to do well with that. I hear very authoritarian type colleagues having difficulties with students I get on completely fine with because they impose very rigid views onto them.

It’s because the poor souls that cry out for help from other parents on an Internet forum are the ones with the difficult teens! I’m not exactly going to post “on my first day back in an office I got home and my teens had cleared the kitchen made tea and a sign saying well done mum on your first day”

I think you’re onto something there @oliviastwisted. The friends who struggle with their teens/have constant battles also seem to be the ones who are strict and controlling. It takes a bit of an adjustment after primary school, but we don’t tend to say no to our teens - unless it’s a matter of inconvenience, eg we just can’t pick them up when required. On the whole we let them make their own decisions about socialising and when they’ll do school work/how much they do. They’ve also made their own decisions about sixth form and subjects. I think if they feel in control and listened to, they’re fine.

@MsTSwift

It’s because the poor souls that cry out for help from other parents on an Internet forum are the ones with the difficult teens! I’m not exactly going to post “on my first day back in an office I got home and my teens had cleared the kitchen made tea and a sign saying well done mum on your first day”

This is really lovely.

Totally agree. I loved having teenage dcs round..we had a very open house, and their friends were welcome. Now they are adults I am still in touch either them and what lovely young people they are.
I much preferred teens to babies/ toddlers

I have one of each - a 15 yo who's a sweetheart with strong opinions and interests and friends. The other is 17 and a simmering pot of volatile hormones who chases his latest obsession and thinks very little about anything that doesn't impact him. Has no strong friendships and an overdeveloped sense of indignation.

Depends entirely on their character I think!

I think age 10-14 is early days. My teens are fab but we've had to navigate some tricky situations: trans issues, drugs, sexting, heartbreak to name a few. Its also really hard watching them make big mistakes.

This is a fantastic thread!

Like others, I have also loved every single stage (although I wouldn’t be keen to repeat the sleep-deprivation of the baby stage!)

DSS is off to uni in September and has honestly been a delight from the moment I first met him at 3yo. The only bit I struggled with was watching his heart get broken and being unable to do anything to help. DS and DD are 14 and nearly-12 and are both a joy to spend time with.

DB and I were both lovely teens too. Our house was always full of laughter and fun, and I hope my DC remember their own teen years with the same fondness.

I remember when DH’s grandmother was in her late 80s/early 90s and would always go up to groups of teens and start chatting if she was waiting for a bus and so forth. She said they were always friendly and polite. If we took her to the village shop we’d quite often get random teens saying hi to her. I also remember walking around a town with a fairly rough reputation when my DC were in a pushchair. The groups of hoodied teens would always open doors for me, usually without asking, unlike most of the adults!

This is so lovely to read. It sounds like you all as parents gave your DC a lot of respect, involved them in decisions and let them develop into who they want to be.